Philanthropy (Filantropica)

Once, there was a city

whose inhabitants were either princes or beggars.

Between them, there was nothing but stray dogs.

They were the middle class.

PHILANTROPIQUE

Specially for Mr. Relu the Baron, our special guest...

A very good evening to all of you!

Hope you liked the show...

Very much. Something wrong, honey?

Excuse me...

Could you pay the bill now? My shift is ending.

If you need anything else, ask my colleague.

There must be a mistake here... with the zeroes.

Impossible, Sir. 3,200,000 lei.

Check it yourself!

3,200,000... That much for two meals?

We'll check it together, no problem!

You've had: One Cinzano 60,000, one whisky 130,

one foie gras 280, one soufflé 330,

French champagne, 1,800,000, that's already 2,530,000.

Excuse me... Moving on. Chateaubriand 200,000, Valdostana 180,000,

Pinot Noir 500,000. I told you, but you wouldn't listen.

Add ice creams and coffees: 3,200,000 on the nose.

That's not counting Miss Laura, our lovely singer.

Excuse me, what kind of prices are these?

Restaurant prices, Sir, you have them on the menu,

only they're per 100 grams.

Excuse us.

What if I said I haven't got enough?

Don't say that, please.

Just supposing.

Come on, a gentleman like you!

How would you react?

How would I... I'd pretend I didn't hear.

Never happened before? Sometimes we have jokers here...

But they always end up paying.

Suppose I tell you I'm in deep shit?

Don't say that, I beg you!

My wife and I, we both work hard...

Why are you upsetting me?

But a whole month's pay can't cover this bill.

Then why go to restaurants?

We made a mistake.

If we made a mistake, we pay for it.

50,000 more for the cup, and now you've made the lady cry!

I never thought it'd cost that much.

Let's be civilized, I could pay in installments.

Do I look like a sucker?

I have 500,000 on me, take it! How can I find 3 millions?

If we start on that tone...

What tone? I'm explaining the facts!

Get Mugurel and Andone!

We could sell the washing machine!

Sell your mother, the machine is broken!

Don't talk to me like that!

Forgive me!

You see I'm going nuts!

What are we doing now?

We can't spend the whole night on this.

Come on guys, I asked for a helping hand!

Here we are, boss.

Okay, let's not make a scene.

Hands off him!

Please! Let me explain!

My wife and I celebrate today ten years of marriage.

For once, we thought we could go to a restaurant.

I'm a teacher, she's a lab assistant, we hardly make ends meet!

We overestimated our budget, we made a mistake.

But it's a family event, women care about these things!

Tell you what.

The lady stays here, and you bring the money in one hour.

Where from?

Where am I supposed to find 3 millions at midnight?

Tell me: What should I do?

Steal, kill? Rob a bank?

We smack him?

Waiter! Come to daddy!

One second, Baron...

Don't argue, come here!

Put everything on my bill.

Come on, Baron, they don't deserve a treat like this.

Leave it, they're just a couple of losers!

Must be your lucky night! OK, guys, it's settled.

How come? The Baron is in good humor.

Next time, don't show up without money.

Had my boys worked you over,

you would've spent a fortune on the dentist!

How did I get into this?

I'm wondering, too.

You want to know? It's a long story?

Depends. We could walk for a while.

Don't you think it's time we spoke on a first name basis?

After just 10 years of marriage? No way.

Stop kidding and talk.

OK. Let's start at the beginning.

Seventeen... I hate that age.

I hate my students.

Ten days ago, that was all my life amounted to.

Each morning, the same pimpled faces.

I counted them:

246 pimples on sophomores, 197 on juniors...

Bucescu, may I disturb you a second?

Me, hot for you. You, hot for me?

Why are you angry?

I asked you to turn off your cell phones, right?

I called you a bimbo 'cause you were juiced

and you were putting the move on Limpy.

Sometimes, I was thinking with their words.

School was "sucky".

The "stash" was running low.

Classes were "fun less".

My life was "dragging ass".

Bucescu. Be "cool" and pay attention to me.

20 years before, I was their age.

But in those times,

school was no joke.

The poets of the 19th century

were among the first to reveal

the antagonistic contradictions

undermining capitalist society.

What kind of contradictions did the poets reveal?

Antagonistic.

Give me an example of a poem

revealing such contradictions.

Today, I teach literature in this topnotch high school,

reserved for students of a certain level.

I just published my first book:

10 short stories in a tiny print run,

at my expense.

All I made on the deal was the price of a tram ticket,

and the thrill of seeing my work in bookshops.

I saw a book here, "Nobody Dies For Free". Any left?

They fought over it! Three copies sold.

And the others? Back to the publisher.

Why? No demand.

Bullshit! This is a demand! But we sent 'em back...

Why? Did they stink?

The asshole was dead the day after.

I killed him in some atrocious way,

on the third page of my first novel.

New paragraph.

"The night wormed silently

into the city like a..."

Unfortunately I was stuck on this sentence

and for days, despite all efforts, I couldn t get over it.

Christmas music again? It's September!

With a parasite in the house eating our pension,

I might not live to see Christmas.

That crap in the fridge was your pension?

That's your mother's work!

You should go shopping.

What about the writer?

You talking to me? Yes.

You've read the book? I'm going to.

When? As soon as I finish this one!

I glanced over it, it's very nice.

Who asked you? Go to sleep!

We were a united family, living a perpetual Christmas.

Out there, however, there was Vera.

Vera had only one passion: Other people's kids.

It's bed time.

Try to speak softly for a minute, till he falls asleep.

He was very nervous last week.

What a treasure!

Aren't you moved by such a little cutie?

Here we go again... What did you say?

He's sweet.

You think I'm stupid? You want to humiliate me?

I heard you. Here we go again with what?

I hate having these talks in public.

You hate them in public? Let's go home then!

Have you got a home for us? No. Because you're afraid.

Afraid of marriage, afraid of kids!

Vera, don't exaggerate.

Same old song, every time:

"I want a baby to play with..."

"Forget nine months, I want it now!" Don't fight...

"Buy me a baby right now!"

You're a pig! Just...

...go fuck yourself! You woke up the baby!

It was the end of a two year affair with Vera,

the only woman who ever wanted a kid from me.

But I had about 100 kids at school, all driving me crazy.

Especially one of them...

Robert!

You put moves on her?

You're dead.

Me, with this dog? He made a move on me!

You're fucked!

Robert was the school hotshot.

All the girls were wild about him.

He rarely came to class. When he did, he was stoned.

I was happy to see him as little as possible.

The principal would rather see him no more.

Hey teach,

I heard some talk about booting me out.

What's up?

You must've done something.

But you stick up for me! You're my buddy, right?

What can I do, if you keep looking for trouble?