Katt Williams: American Hustle

THANK YOU FOR CALLING

KATT WILLIAMS.

IF THIS IS A WHITE PERSON

CALLING, APPRECIATE YOUR CALL,

AND I'LL GET BACK WITH YOU

AT MY EARLIEST CONVENIENCE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IF THIS IS

ONE OF MY NIGGAS,

WHAT'S HAPPENING, PIMP?

Hi, Katt.

This is Jeffrey Greenberg's

office calling to remind you

about your movie pitch meeting

today at 9:00 A.M.

it's now 4:00 P.M., and we're

just wondering when we're gonna

see you, so, um, give us a --

YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT, BABY.

YEAH, I KNOW.

I FEEL LIKE I CAN DO GREAT,

BUT...

AND YOU CAN.

STILL NERVOUS.

DON'T BE.

HOW DO I LOOK?

AMAZING.

HMM, HOW DO I FEEL?

TALL.

HOW DO I KISS?

GREAT.

MM-HMM.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, I'LL TAKE MY VITAMINS NOW.

GOT TO STAY HEALTHY.

HERE YOU GO, BABY.

MMM, THANK YOU.

MMM.

ONE FOR THE MONEY...

TWO FOR THE SHOW...

THREE TO GET FUNNY...

GO, PIMP, GO.

ALL RIGHT.

GET YOUR MIND RIGHT, PLAYER.

GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.

HEY, BABY.

YOU LOOK GOOD.

THANK YOU.

LOOK WHO SHOWS UP WHEN YOU

NEED A HAT.

GETTING READY TO DO THE BIGGEST

STAND-UP MOVIE EVER.

THIS MIGHT BE SCARY.

IT'S ALL COMING TRUE.

I KNOW.

THE QUICKER I LEAVE, THE QUICKER

I CAN GET BACK.

LET'S DO IT.

YEAH? OKAY.

ARE YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?

YES, SORRY.

YES.

YEAH, THAT.

IT WAS THAT OR A SHIRT.

ONE OF THOSE TWO.

SPARTANS!

AH-OOH!

WENDY WILLIAMS, COME ON.

HEY, KATT!

HUH?

I WANT YOU TO MAKE THEM

FEEL GOOD.

MAKE 'EM FEEL GOOD!

MAKE 'EM FEEL GOOD!

HA!

AND I KNOW SOMEBODY'S BEEN

PUTTING MY SEAT BACK.

A HOUSE FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL

BLACK WOMEN.

THE ONLY ONE SHOWING HER TITTIES

IS THE WHITE GIRL.

PUT A PIN IN THAT.

WE'LL COME BACK TO IT.

YOU'RE BRINGING A LARGE

GERMAN SHEPHERD WITH YOU.

THAT'S AN INTERESTING CHOICE,

SEEING THAT IT'S A ROOM FILLED

WITH JEWS, OKAY?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEIR REFERENCE

FOR GERMAN SHEPHERDS IS?

THE NAZIS.

OKAY, PUT A PIN IN THAT.

WE'LL BE BACK TO IT.

NOW, HERE'S THE DEAL --

IF JIMI HENDRIX WAS MOUNTED

BY ALLEN IVERSON

IN RICHARD PRYOR'S REC ROOM,

THEY WOULD GIVE BIRTH TO YOU.

NOW, HERE'S MY QUESTION

TO YOU --

DO YOU HAVE YOUR INNER PIMP

WITH YOU NOW?

I-I--

YOU WAITED WAY TOO LONG.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

OF COURSE YOU DO.

THAT IS YOUR CENTER.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.

YOU'RE GONNA WALK INTO A ROOM

FILLED WITH PEOPLE,

AND THEY'RE GONNA PITCH YOU

SNAKES ON A PLANE

MEETS FUCKING STAR SEARCH, OKAY?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

SO IT'S GONNA BE, LIKE, FUCKING,

A PYTHON FLYING OUT OF

ED McMAHON'S ASS.

NOBODY WINS, ALL RIGHT?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND

WHAT I'M SAYING?

YES.

OKAY, NOW, YOU HAVE AN ENERGY,

A TRUTH, THAT REVERBERATES.

AS SOON AS THEY SEE THAT,

THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE FEAR,

ALL RIGHT?

AND FEAR WILL MANIFEST ITSELF

INTO SOME STUPID

MOTHERFUCKING IDEAS.

YOU TAKE NONE OF 'EM.

YOU WRITE YOUR OWN TICKET

IN THIS LIFE.

OKAY, LIKE, THE LAST PART.

THAT MEANT --

THEY ARE JUST DOWN HERE IN

THE CORNER OFFICE.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT

ANYTHING TO DRINK?

I'LL TAKE A QUADRUPLE

HENNESSY WITH A GIN BACK.

KATT WILLIAMS.

HOW ARE YOU, SIR?

HEY.

HI.

IT'S RIGHT OVER HERE.

UH-HUH.

HEY!

THERE HE IS.

THERE HE IS.

THE MAN HIMSELF, IN THE FLESH.

MORE IMPRESSIVE-LOOKING IN --

IN PERSON.

I HOPE YOU'LL FORGIVE THIS.

I'M TRYING THIS ON.

AN ODE TO YOU.

HONORARY NEGRO.

GREAT TO SEE YOU.

HEY, AND WHO'S THIS?

GANGSTER DOG'S KIND OF

SMILING AT ME.

"THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE.

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE.

MOTHERFUCKING ROTTWEILER."

YOU MIGHT WANT TO BE CAREFUL.

YOU KNOW, THESE ARE --

THESE ARE GERMAN-BRED ATTACK

DOGS, YOU KNOW,

AND SO WHAT THEY DO IS

SOMETIMES THEY PLAY POSSUM.

THEY LAY THERE LIKE,

"I'M A PET. I'M --"

AND THEN, YOU'RE RUBBING 'EM,

AND THEN -- WOW.

IT'S JUST LIKE THEY'RE RIGHT

THERE, LIKE, LITERALLY AT

YOUR THROAT, AND YOU'RE TRYING

TO CALL HELP,

BUT THERE'S A MOUTH,

YOU KNOW, LIKE, THE DOG'S

ENTIRE MOUTH IS RIGHT THERE,

SO IT'S VERY HARD FOR YOU

TO EVEN SAY ANYTHING,

AND ANYTHING WILL

SET 'EM OFF.

LIKE, PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE GONNA

HIT ME.

LIKE, PRETEND LIKE --

GENERALLY, HE WOULD BE RIGHT --

RIGHT...

YEAH.

UM...

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE A SEAT?

YES. YES, I WOULD.

THANK YOU.

OKAY.

I'LL LEAVE YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

N-NICE MEETING YOU.

OH, OH.

HE'S A BIG BOY.

OH, OH.