Bedlam

Dan? Yeah.

My dad's gone crazy. He knows about us.

How the hell did he find out? You sent him a text meant for me.

There's a room at ours.

I trusted you. You're finished here. Get your things.

You're my dad.

I'll be there for you and the baby.

xx

I don't know if I'm gonna keep it.

You're loaded and I want my share.

I want you to be my dad.

You haven't earned it yet.

Ho!

Ho!

Huh...

Bring it on.

Bring it on!

What are you up to?

Just sorting out some photos and stuff I don't need.

What brought this on? Oh, my God. Is that you?

Was that haircut fashionable? Give me that.

Did they have scissors then? At least I didn't have imaginary friends

Searing wit. Cutting sarcasm.

What do you want, Max?

Did you talk to Dan? Have you decided what...

Have you been to the hospital?

I had an abortion last week.

I was gonna tell you, but...

I dunno. I decided to do it on my own.

Are you OK?

Yeah. Sorry I didn't tell you. I understand. It's up to you, right?

I did the right thing. Look at the mess my life is in.

It was the only decision. Of course it was.

You didn't have to go through it on your own.

I know. It was...

It was just easier that way.

Call that a kick?

Come on.

We're in.

Where is he? I don't know but this place is weird.

Come on, then.

Let's just see what he wants.

No!

Well, look at this.

Finally have someone living here who actually buys food.

Better than that - I am making us all Sunday lunch.

That's a result. Max...

Oh, my God, they are so shagging.

They're not, actually.

See the way he jumps every time she claps?

Poor old Max is stuck in the friends zone.

Nothing is going to happen but it doesn't stop him hoping.

Well, what about me and you? Or are we pretending that didn't happen?

No. We're cool.

We are?

You've been avoiding me since we screwed each other's brains out

and I wouldn't want things to be awkward now we're flatmates.

Fair enough. Neither do I.

I'm here whenever you want me.

What does that mean?

Look, I'm having a shit time, I've got no money

and my parents have disowned me because they think I'm a slut.

I don't need mind games with guys like you.

I need friends. Like proper friends.

Think you can manage that? Yeah.

Good.

It was a vicar, definitely. He was scared, terrified.

But it wasn't in the asylum, it was in a church.

There are no churches here.

But what if the patients used to go to one near here?

Maybe one of them died here. There's a church nearby.

You're not wasting time. The quicker we act, the quicker solve things.

Then maybe no one gets hurt this time.

Don't you dare be late for lunch. Yes, Mum.

Where did he say? Somewhere in this building.

What is he doing here? God knows.

Have I got something to show you two?

Why the hell did you ask us to come here, you nutter?

Can I help you?

Um, yeah, we were just looking for a venue for our wedding.

How lovely. Hm. We are a rather popular spot.

You could be looking at least a year's wait.

That is a shame. We really like it, don't we?

We just have received a cancellation that's a mere two months away.

That sounds perfect. I just need to have a word with my fiance.

What the hell are you doing? Just trying to get him on side.

This isn't the place.

Are you sure? Yes.

Oh.

What are we gonna do about...

I'm sorry, Max, I don't love you any more.

I'm leaving you for Benjy. The wedding's off.

I mean, I always knew something was going on with her and Benjy.

The local asylum patients used to come here?

No, no, never.

But then, they had their own chapel.

Thank you.

I read this place was haunted but I didn't know there was a chapel.

It's perfect. For what?

For conducting the rite of blasphemy!

And you wonder why people think you're a bit odd.

I don't care what people think. Yes, you do.

Good to see you again. It's been a while.

Come on, you nut job. Let's get out of here.

No, no, I'm staying here. I'm gonna perform the ritual,

film it, stick it on the internet and prove the existence of evil.

Did you hear that?

Did you hear that? I seriously think there's something in here.

Just ignore him as a wind-up merchant. I'm for real.

Come on, all this satanic stuff, sticking two fingers up to your dad.

The vicar is dead and he hasn't gone to heaven because it doesn't exist.

No.

See? There's definitely something in here.

That's enough. The joke is over.

Come on, let's just go. No, I'm not going anywhere.

Alright, I'll stay with you.

What? I'm not going down those freaky corridors on my own.

Hey, hey, chill. Yeah?

Let's stay here and do the ritual together.

Come on.

This... is going to be fun.

It's about time we had a chat. Hardly said a word to me all week.

Why don't we go for a beer? We're just about to eat.

Oh. Well, maybe another time.

You know what, why don't you join us?

Now we know there's a chapel here, it can't be hard to find.

I'm glad we got out of that one. We could've ended up married.

That wouldn't have been such a bad thing. Yeah, it would.

I think it's amazing how easy it was.

We totally had that vicar fooled.

We'd have a lovely wedding.

You in a white dress, frills, little bridesmaids running around.

I was supposed to be married not that long ago.

You're better off without him. Max...

It's true. I've never met the guy but he refused to stand by you

when you really needed him. That's a bit unfair.

Is it? He thought I was losing my mind.

Not everyone is as open-minded about the supernatural as you are.

I would never have left you, no matter what you were going through.

You'll make a lovely husband one day.

You can have your big naff wedding on one condition.

Yeah, what's that? I can be a bridesmaid.

And wear one of those big, pink, horrible, cheesy dresses.

Deal?

Deal.

Well, it's completely inedible. You don't need to tell me.

No. No, it's not bad.

Well, this is cosy.

I'm sorry. If I sent a text to your father, it was an accident.

I never meant for him to find out.

Do you realise the situation I'm in? How could I have been so stupid?

I'd like to help. If you let me look after you...

This isn't the '50s. Jesus.

That's not what I meant. Just... if you wanted to move in.

Yeah. That would really please my parents.

Anyway, she's happy here, aren't you, Keira?

I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

Please come and join us before I kill someone. We'd love to but...

Uh. You're joining us, now.

We'll have to look later.

That was Keira's first roast dinner. You'd never have known.

Alright, give it a rest. I know it was foul.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Who asked you?

Keira, come on. Maybe things have changed.

Maybe you should accept that.

Er... What have you two been up to?

Went for a walk, didn't we?

Must have been a long walk. Yes, it was a lovely walk.

It was up a hill... and then we ran into your friend Benjy.

Oh, yeah, Benjy!

I see you haven't told them. No, I haven't.

You haven't told people about your illegitimate Asian son.

We need to go and find that chapel, remember?

You're not exactly in a hurry. I'm ready to tell the world when you are

Well, I'm not. Not yet.

I thought you wanted this. Don't rush me.

This is complicated stuff. It's going to take a while.

Did you invite me in just to embarrass me?

I'll see you in the office tomorrow.

Have a good day.

Right, let's chill until the sun sets, then we begin.

You don't really want to do this, do you?

You just wanted us here. And you came, didn't you?

Did you hear that?

If you're trying to scare us, you're doing a pretty shit job.

I dunno.

It's nothing.

That bloke was right. This place is weird. There's something here.

Don't you want to help me prove it? Will you stop talking like that?

Look. See, it's just an old font. Big deal.

Yeah? That's where they used to baptise babies.

Poor bastards.

Stop it, Liam. You're giving me the creeps.

Trust me, this is our one chance...

You don't believe it yourself. You're such a wind-up merchant.

There's evil in the world. Where do you think it lives? Places like this

I think it lives in your head.

You won't say that once I've summoned the spirit.

Yep, whatever, weirdo.

Shit!