The White Lotus

(OVER PA) Hawaiian Flight 451 to Honolulu

will be boarding in 15 minutes through gate number 26.

We will be boarding by row numbers.

Please remain seated

until your section has been called.

You headed home?

Yeah.

We were at the Amanari.

It was fine. The food was good.

Not much to do there,

but we just like to sit around anyway.

Which hotel were you at?

- White Lotus. White Lotus?

Our guide told us someone was killed there.

The body's on our plane.

On our plane? To Honolulu?

Yeah. They're about to load the body on our plane.

Well, other than that, did you have a good vacation?

It was my honeymoon.

Oh, congratulations.

How wonderful. Was it everything you hoped?

- Where's your wife? - Yeah, where's your wife?

No offense...

leave me the fuck alone.

Okay then.

Oh my God, who are these people?

So, these two.

They just got married in the Hamptons.

Her parents have a place there.

I bet they met on Raya. Totally.

- She's in fashion. - Marketing.

He went to Dartmouth, international finance.

- She loves him, but... - He's got a small dick.

He's a closet Adderall snorter.

Gives him an edge at work.

Makes his dick even smaller. (LAUGHS)

Walmart heiress.

She's meeting her friends for a girls' trip.

She gets on their nerves,

but she pays for everything, so they put up with her.

She's an American Brigitte Bardot.

- She loves animals. - Hates Jews.

High-end pimps for a billionaire sex pervert.

They're coming to recruit us

for their Illuminati pedophile sex ring.

Hey, girls.

What, Mom?

Liv, come up front. I think you can see the resort.

- Up, up, up, up, up. - (SIGHS)

Quinn.

Here they come.

Big smiles.

Wave, Lani. There we are.

Wave like you mean it, Lani.

Look, Lani, I... I know it's your first day on the job,

and, uh, I don't know how it worked at your other properties,

but here, self-disclosure is discouraged.

Especially with these VIPs who arrive on the boat.

You know, you don't wanna be too specific

as a... as a presence, as an identity.

You wanna be more generic.

- Generic? - Yes.

You know, it's a Japanese ethos

where we are asked to disappear behind our masks

as pleasant interchangeable helpers.

It's tropical kabuki.

And the goal is to create for the guests

an overall impression of vagueness

that can be very satisfying,

where they get everything they want

but they don't even know what they want,

or what day it is, or where they are,

or who we are, or what the fuck is going on.

It looks like you got a dollop of mayonnaise on your top, Lani.

- What is that on your left tit? - Oh, uh, I... I don't know.

That's what I mean.

Oh, God. Here they come.

I mean, I just feel like there's so many different trees.

Shit. I don't know. Just hold the tray up high

and cover the stain on your boob.

Just a little higher. That's it.

Welcome. Thank you. (CHUCKLES)

Mr. and Mrs. Mossbacher. Hello. I'm Armond, the resort manager.

- Welcome to the White Lotus. - Thank you.

How was your journey here?

- (SIGHS) Long. Oh.

- But honestly, fine. - Happy to be here. (CHUCKLES)

The boat ride does add time to the trip,

but the views of the coastline are magnificent, aren't they?

- Incredible. - Yeah.

Simply a must for our VIPs

staying in the suites. (CHUCKLES)

Now, it's just a short ride in the cart with Dillon to the hotel...

- Aloha. - And then we'll get you to your suite, the Tradewinds,

and you can freshen up.

Thank you, Armond. Thank you.

- Of course. Right this way.

- Aloha. Aloha.

Aloha. Aloha.

- Masculine for you. - Nuts. I'm nuts for nuts.

I'm presuming Mr. Shane Patton and Mrs. Rachel Patton?

- Oh! (CHUCKLES) - That's us.

Oh my God. Yes.

- Is that not correct? No, it's correct.

I'm just, um... I'm getting used to it.

We just got married the day before yesterday.

- Yeah. - I am aware. Congratulations.

- Oh... (CHUCKLES) - Yeah. Thanks.

- Um... Mrs. Patton. Wow. - Yeah.

Sounds so weird.

Like, am I changing my name? Is that... (CHUCKLES)

Well, how about we get you a daiquiri

before you make any major life decisions? (CHUCKLES)

Ooh, yes. Yes.

Christie will be riding with you back to the hotel.

- Okay. - And she'll escort you

- to the Palm Suite. Palm Suite.

And I'm sure you will just love it.

- Okay. - (ARMOND CHUCKLES)

Aloha, aloha.

Aloha. - Aloha. Thank you.

I'll check in with you in a little while, okay?

Okay. - Okay. Bye-bye.

- Aloha. Aloha.

- Aloha. - Are you Ms. MacQoowod?

Quoid. One syllable.

- MacWad? - Well, two syllables,

but the second part is one syllable, "wad."

MacQuoid.

- Is it Gaelic? - I don't know.

I really don't know. I... Just, listen, I...

I'm in desperate need of a massage.

Is that possible? Is there anything available?

I mean, I just... I'd take anything right now

because I have a herniated disc and I just...

- Belinda behind you. - Belinda behind me?

Belinda, who is behind you, is our spa manager.

Hi - TANYA MACQUOID: Oh.

Belinda, Ms. Macuhwad is in need of treatment.

Would you have any openings for her this afternoon?

Um... unfortunately, we are all booked.

Oh, no. I just... Really?

Are you sure? I would really appreciate it.

I'm not picky. You know, if...

I don't have to have deep tissue or anything.

I'd take anything at this point. Anything.

Anything but reiki, of course.

Um, you know what? I'll see what we can do.

Really? - Yeah.

- (CHUCKLES) - Okay. Thank you.

Uh, Lani is our trainee.

Um, Lani, please ride with Ms. MacQuoid

back to the hotel and bring her up to the Hibiscus Suite.

- (QUIETLY) Hibiscus. - Okay. Thank you.

- Aloha. - Aloha.

Thank you.

Oh, there's a lobster bake tonight.

- Oh. - Lobster. Yum.

- Hey. - Hey.

Let's get this honeymoon started.

Oh, really?

Hmm.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What? What is it?

What's wrong?

This is the wrong room.

- What do you mean? - Wh... (LAUGHS)

We're supposed to be in a honeymoon suite.

This isn't the honeymoon suite. This...

Maybe it is. Why isn't it?

No, 'cause I did a virtual tour on the website.

This is, uh, this isn't it. This is just a regular suite.

What are you talking about?

This is like the swankiest hotel room I've ever stayed in.

Yeah, well, you haven't traveled that much, so...

Plus, we're paying for the honeymoon suite.

Hmm... technically, we're not paying for anything.

Your parents are. I think it's fine, Shane.

I mean, look, it's an amazing view.

And we're near the restaurant. And it's convenient.

We can stuff ourselves and go drown in the ocean.

Uh...

we're supposed to have our own plunge pool

and a private patio.

There's a balcony. There's another balcony.

I mean, they screwed us on our room.