Casual

What do you do with your spare time?

I started a website that's kind of taken off.

Mostly I just hang out.

- Hello? - Alex, it's Paul.

Oh, uh, hi, Paul.

Why are you fucking with our code?

To make it better.

Has Emile said anything?

He can say whatever he wants. I've moved on.

- Hi. - Oh, hey.

Wouldn't a spoon be easier?

Boog took all the spoons.

Yeah, we're gonna get them back.

We've been having this prank war for, like, two years.

Is your mom joining us?

No, she's staying out.

The woman is full of surprises.

Do you want me to make some coffee?

Last night was really, really...

really great.

I'll call you later. Okay?

Snooger.

Yeah, Paul Schmidt, please.

This is Annaleigh in Paul's office, how may I help you?

Anna who? Where's Danielle?

She no longer works here. May I ask who's calling?

Alex Cole?

Oh. Sorry. Let me try to get Paul.

Wait. Danielle left?

Yeah, she had a going-away party on Monday.

There was a cake and everything.

What kind of cake?

Carrot.

I like carrot cake.

Looks like Paul's in the middle of something,

but can I have him call you back?

You know, I'll just come by the office.

What's his schedule like today?

Besides the 11:30 interview, he's wide open.

- 11:30 interview? - Yeah, did you want to join?

I didn't know anything about an 11:30 interview.

Hold on.

Did you want Alex to join you

for the 11:30 interview with FiberTopics?

Absolutely not.

Did you tell him about it?

Alex. Sorry about the mix-up. No need to come in.

Yeah, put Paul on the phone.

He'll call you back.

Someone had a sleepover.

That's right.

- With a 23-year-old. - What?

- How'd you pull that off? - I lured him into my car...

with candy.

You feel better? You look better.

God, he was attentive. He was communicative.

He was totally focused on my needs.

He made me come three times.

Oh, that's sweet. He was trying to impress you.

I mean, there was this one moment

when we were getting naked that was...

A moment?

Yeah, he looked at my body like he was kind of...

He was confused or something.

Oh, God. Um...

What... what you got growing down there?

- Excuse me? - Do you wax or shave?

I trim with scissors.

With scissors? Like pruning shears?

Val, if you're gonna put in the effort, why half-ass it?

Because I don't need my vagina to look like a five-year-old's.

We live in a sick, youth-obsessed culture.

Five-year-old vagina is the gold standard.

Ugh, that is really... just gross.

All I'm saying is that most women wax

the day they expect to have sex.

That's just rule number one.

What's rule number two... bleach your asshole?

You don't?

Just please don't send him any nudes...

yet.

I didn't.

I sent him a normal text with words.

But not this morning, right?

Oh, God. What did you do?

Let me see your phone.

"Had so much fun last night.

"I folder your clothes.

"Folded your clothed.

"Ha ha. Clothes.

I folded your clothes. Got it?"

It kept autocorrecting.

You folded his clothes?

What are you, his maid?

No, it just seemed like a nice thing to do.

Men don't want nice.

They want bitchy and self-obsessed,

and they want a challenge.

- You're projecting. - That doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Okay, so what do I do?

Chalk it up as a learning experience.

You'll be better prepared next time.

But I like this guy.

Well, then you shouldn't have texted him six times

and done his laundry.

He could text back.

Yeah, he could...

in four months at 2:00 a.m.

You going in for the kill?

I only intend to wound. The chase is half the fun.

Sounds like fear to me.

Hi, Michael.

Laura.

Are you free after school today?

I would love if if you could take a look at my camera.

Yeah, I-I can't today.

But if you're free for lunch,

I think I can help you out.

Would you? That would be great.

You know the picnic tables behind the athletic center?

Why don't you meet me there at 1:00?

I'll be discreet.

Well?

First blood.

- Can I help you? - Here to see Paul.

And you are?

Alex Cole, cofounder of the company.

Do you have any of that carrot cake left?

Oh, yes, you'll come in next week.

We'll look at numbers.

Yeah, no, Jordan, I have to leave you now.

Someone just walked in.

- Alex. - Hey, Paul.

I was starting to think you'd forgotten about us.

What's this interview?

Interview? Oh, uh...

Nothing, it's a little puff piece for FiberTopics.

Hmm, you didn't think to tell me?

You hate journalists.

No, I don't.

I hate that everyone with a computer

thinks they're a journalist.

They're liars and gossip peddlers,

but I don't hate them.

You should've told me, man.

Oh, honestly, I didn't think you'd care.

We haven't seen you in a couple weeks.

Yeah, been working on the algorithm.

You're always working on the algorithm.

'Cause it's not right.

113,000 people disagree.

Paul, our subscribers are lonely and desperate.

They'll believe anything.

Is this what you'd tell the interviewer...

that our site doesn't work?

No, of course not.

I just want to make it perfect.

And it will be. It will be, okay?

But right now we need to focus on the good, not the bad.

Let me do the interview.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Come on, we started this company together.

I need to get more involved around here.

Let me do it. Let me do this one.

Please don't fuck it up.

Paul, come on, It's me.

When have I ever fucked anything up?

I think I'm dating a psychopath.

Hmm. What makes you say that?

Eh, it's just, like, a feeling.

Like, when we cook together,

I am afraid that she's gonna pick up the knife

and slit my throat.

That sounds very stressful.

Yeah, I guess now that I say it out loud, it is.

Well, Anthony, do you really think

she might actually hurt you?

Oh, yeah, 100%. Definitely.

Yeah, it's just a matter of time, I think.

It's coming.

Then, it's probably...

best that you distance yourself from her.

It must be hard to be intimate with someone

that you don't feel really safe with.

Oh, God, no. Quite the opposite, actually.

- The, um... the sex is amazing. - Oh.

Yeah, every time we fuck, it's like a struggle to survive.

Oh, whiff!

- Wow, hey. - Oh, no, no.

Please, no more.

Hey, you wanted the Alex Cole experience.

You're getting it, baby.

Oh, man.

Okay.

You might be the happiest man in tech.

Sure, I help people find love. How could I not be?

There are some people that say...

your site's only good for a one-night stand.

I suppose you could use it that way if you wanted,

but that's not what we intended.