Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

I'm in a very obscure area of southern Italy,

somewhere close to the border between marinara and arrabbiata.

I have come here because I have heard tell of a very special car,

a barn find.

The holy grail of the classic car community.

This is the barn.

And look what I have found.

This is a 1969 Alfa Romeo Giulia Super in sand beige

with a saddle brown interior.

Alfa Romeo Giulia Super.

I mean, forget everything.

Don't you just wanna answer that when someone says, “What kinda car you got?”

“An Alfa Romeo Giulia Super.”

This car seems like a fairly run-of-the-mill four-door sedan.

It is not.

It's considered one of the most aerodynamic shapes ever made.

If you look at it quick, it's just kind of a brick,

but look at this gradual curve up to the windshield.

The way the roof extends past the rear window to reduce drag.

Look at how the windshield is rounded as it meets the doors.

The tiny door handles,

the little fluted indent along the side and back of the rooftop.

All these things add up to make the Giulia Super as slippery as a raindrop.

I think Alfa Romeo is the best name of any car company I've ever heard.

Look at the logo.

On the left it's a cross,

and on the right it's actually a snake eating a baby.

Things like this are not done by large rooms of stock price-minded executives.

This car shifts great. It makes a beautiful sound.

It just makes you feel civilized and elegant.

But the fact that it seems very normal and is actually incredibly sophisticated

is what reminded me of my very special guest today,

John Mulaney.

John Mulaney looks like a normal, high-functioning guy,

but again, he is not.

And total coincidence on the car color matching his jacket.

I knew this was the right car for him.

John Mulaney's a great stand-up comic. He was a writer on Saturday Night Live.

He wrote a lot of those hilarious Stefon sketches with Bill Hader.

He had his own sitcom. It didn't work. I don't care.

This guy really knows his way around the comedy arts.

I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and this is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.

Hello.

Hi, John. It's Jerry.

I'm unbelievably excited.

And I'm a huge fan,

and I can't wait to be two watchmakers today

and take the gears out of the comedy chronometer.

I think I'd like a mint.

White Tic Tacs.

- White Tic Tacs is good. - Yeah. That's classic.

Really like the sound.

- This is a great car. - It's a great car.

Like in an Italian romance comedy from the '60s.

- Yes. - They'd ride this around like Lodobello,

and get stranded, and it would be a great scene.

You would be funny in this car as an American tourist who's moved to Italy,

trying to adapt to the local culture, unsuccessfully.

I was so amazed to be able to write for the people on Saturday Night Live .

And people would ask, “Don't you wanna be on the show?”

I was, like, “No.

- They're better at that.” - Uh-huh.

Like Bill Hader, Fred Armisen. I'm writing for Jimi Hendrix.

- Right, yeah. - I don't think I can do that.

The experience of doing a sitcom

was such a… slow process getting it on the air.

- Right. - That once it was on the air,

I felt double confident that this was it.

And then... then you show it to people, and they say, “Nope.”

- Yeah. - It's like girls in high school.

You walk into the lunchroom and they look at you, and they go, “No.”

And that's it.

I left high school in the middle, because of that.

I left the beginning of my senior year,

'cause I'm not changing anyone's mind here.

- Never. - I might as well just leave.

That's why people go to college and they change their name.

- Right. - If you want, you're like, “I'm Jay now.”

- You could change your hair, clothes. - Yes.

Freshman year of college, a lot of people are auditioning their new personality.

Yeah, I'm looking for an entryway rug, and then a runner.

Yeah.

But, of course, I have no clearance to buy anything.

Do you like doing this?

My wife has a much better visual sense.

She knows how things will look together, and that's where I fall apart.

- She thinks she knows. - She does know.

- Okay. - She does know.

All wives assume that they know. It's like all...

- But do you... - All men think they're funny.

Oh, yeah, that's true, isn't it?

All women think they have a great sense of interior design.

That rug looks like people smoking pot and no one's cutting their kid's hair.

I hate these parents that let the kid's hair grow.

They're so in love with the goddamn kid they can't even cut the hair.

I like when they listen to the kid. “He doesn't like his hair cut.”

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Right. They let the kid decide where we're going on vacation.

Um, I could look at one more, and then I'm outta here.

All right. Do you... You don't haggle here, do you?

No, I don't haggle anywhere.

I don't know anything about haggling.

No, for nothing.

Here's how I would do it.

-I would say, “What's the... ” -Okay, I'm at a bazaar in Morocco.

“What's your top price?”

- “It's 5,000 drachmas.” - “Fine.”

Now you look like you're bargaining in Marrakech.

How about this, 3,800? Okay, 1,800.

How about that come down

- I do not. - I do not.

I think it works best here.

I would just take this off and you're done.

This would be a fun one to just bring home.

She's gonna hit you with a rolling pin when you show her that.

Yeah. You've met my wife. She's a cartoon in the '50s.

- Is that actually old, or is it new, but... - Yeah.

It's actually old.

- Yes. - It's a re-dyed piece.

That's a new drink for seniors. It's called Actually Old.

It's from the Ensure people.

- Yeah, it has the most... - Actually Old.

And in the commercials they're not active and they're not doing anything.

- They're sitting in a recliner. - They're actually old.

I think about it a lot.

Um…

I keep fantasizing that I'll be sitting around,

but everyone says that doesn't work.

Yeah, I'll relax.

Interesting.

- I'd like to die looking at the ocean. - Yeah.

I think, though I don't know what it feels like to die.

I think it's gonna feel great.

All the things you're done with.

- Oh, yeah. - I just think it's gonna be fantastic.

- This is really nice. - I like this.

Very nice. Okay, I'm gonna buy this for you.

Can you run that?

Yes. Wow, look at that. Look at the weight of this card.

This is a different type of plastic than regular people have.

Me.

Yeah.

- You did ads for them. Those were great. - Yeah. Yeah.

I was waiting for them to move some cameras,

and the crew guy comes up to me, he says, “You got the black card?”

I go, “No. What's the black card?”

He says, “There's only three in the world.”

This is just a camera operator.

He says, “There's only three in the world.

The sultan of Brunei has one, the president of American Express has one,

and I thought you would have the third one.”

Next morning I call the president of American Express.

I go, “Is there a black card?”

He says, “It's just a rumor. It doesn't exist.”

He said, “But you know what? It's not a bad idea.”

Uh.

And so they developed it, and they gave me the first one.

That was made up.

Look at that.

You strike me as someone who would be very good at office politics.

I was great at office politics.

- I'm... - There's nothing wrong with that.

I know exactly what everyone's problem is. And it's just...

- Yes. - People always come to me too.

Right.