Young Sheldon

- Previously on Young Sheldon... - Hello, Mrs. Cooper.

I just wanted to let you know,

with Dr. Sturgis away,

I'll be available should Sheldon need anything.

Now, I'm not terribly experienced

around children.

If he needs to use the restroom,

I don't have to go in with him, do I?

I don't need you to babysit me.

I'm perfectly self-reliant.

Then it's good I kept the receipt

for this bottle of bubbles shaped like a bear.

Welcome to the world of philosophy.

I'm going to teach you

that you don't even know what you think you know.

Boy.

I'm not going to school. Why not?

Because I don't know what's real.

Nothing matters.

George?!

All right,

what's the problem here?

I don't know what's real.

That's a fun thing to think about on the way to school.

Get up and get dressed.

Maybe I'm already dressed.

Maybe I'm wearing a zoot suit and spats.

That's a shoe covering that's short for "spatterdasher."

Or is it?

There's no way to know.

I don't have time for this nonsense.

What is time?

What is sense?

What is "is"?

Sheldon, I mean it.

I remember when things meant things.

All right, I'm gonna count to three. One...

Believing in numbers... that takes me back.

Two... To be or not to be.

Shakespeare was onto something.

It's your last chance.

Have you ever wondered if you're the tongue

of a multidimensional being trying to taste something

you can never even understand?

I have.

I talked to him.

Where is your mother?

She had to leave for work.

I have to work, too.

You also get to take me to school.

What am I supposed to do about your brother?

Call me old-fashioned,

but I say spank him.

Your mom won't let me.

Okay, I'm here.

What's up?

Sheldon won't get out of bed, and I'm gonna be late for work.

He's gonna be late for school.

So you want me to get him up and drive him?

Yeah.

I like it better

when I just come eat your food and leave.

Hey, Moon Pie.

What's going on here?

That's an excellent question.

Too bad there's no answer.

Well, you need to get out of bed.

I don't need to do anything.

Okay, I'm gonna count to three.

Dad already counted to three.

Did he try the Texas thing?

No.

In that case,

look at you,

lyin' there.

When a Texan gets knocked off a horse,

he gets right back on.

That is the second most important thing

about bein' a Texan,

right after thinkin' you're better than everybody else.

Maybe the horse gets back on the Texan.

Who's to say?

I don't know what that means.

That's because you can't know anything.

If you need to stare at the ceiling

and contemplate the futility of existence,

Missy's bed is available.

Amazing.

What is?

I've been using this same pen for seven months,

and it's still going.

That's your bar for amazing?

Yeah.

Sad.

It's the same pen.

It is too early in the morning for you.

Hello.

Yeah. I'll be down in a bit.

Where ya headed?

Principal's office.

Ooh, you're in trouble...

You're a child.

I'd rather be a child than in trouble.

Shelly,

Dr. Sturgis is on the line for you.

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't,

but very well.

Hello? Hi, Sheldon.

I hear you're going through some sort of existential crisis.

I suppose so.

I just don't know if we can tell what's real or not.

And if nothing's real, I don't know

what to think or if I'm even thinking at all.

I went through something similar once.

Really? What happened?

I was trekking through the Amazon,

and I saw two frogs,

one hallucinogenic

and the other not.

I tried to lick the normal one,

and, by mistake,

I licked the hallucinogenic one.

It really rocked my world.

Why would you lick either of them?

I'm not sure. Probably low blood sugar.

But the point is,

I also lost track of reality.

How did you handle it?

I saw a jaguar,

and I realized I didn't care if it was real or not.

I just hauled my tushy out of there.

I appreciate the call.

I'm giving you back to my meemaw now.

Bye!

Hey, John,

any luck?

Not unless you have access to a jaguar.

I don't think I do.

Really, any jungle cat will do.

Hey, Tom.

George.

Sheldon's not here anymore.

Thought it'd be a while before I got called back

into the principal's office.

How's he doing? I miss that kid.

He took a philosophy class and won't get out of bed

'cause he doesn't know what's real anymore.

Anyway,

we need to talk about Georgie.

Should've seen that coming.

What's wrong? Well,

he's been cutting classes.

Already?

Semester's barely started.

He's a go-getter.

I'll talk to him.Thanks.

How's the team looking this year, George?

We just had one difficult conversation, Tom.

Let's not have another.

While my meemaw

wasn't able to acquire a jungle cat,

the idea of tormenting a child did tickle her Texan fancy.

Sheldon.

I have someone else who wants to talk to you.

What are you doing with that filthy thing?

Why do you care?

If nothing is real,

then neither is the chicken.

Good.

We're standing now. That's progress.

Get her out of here.

Well, I would, but

apparently,

I can't know what "here" is.

So maybe I could just

set her on your bed.

Okay! Okay.

I'll get dressed.

Make it snappy.

This still doesn't solve my existential crisis.

Say what? You want to hold her?

No.

Less talk.

More pants.

What's your first class?

Solid-State Physics at 11:30.

We'll make it just in time.

Although, does... And before you say.

"Does time even exist?" it does.

So stop wasting mine.

What's this philosophy teacher's name?

Professor Ericson. Why?

I might pop in and say hello.

Be careful.

She may make you question your most deeply held values.

I'm a stubborn old crank.

I'll do just fine.

I'm a stubborn young crank, and it didn't help me.

You wanted to see me?

Sit down.