The Pentagon Wars

I think it might be useful to clarify a few things right off the bat.

By simple definition...

we are in the business of winning wars.

What else do you need an army for?

Take the Cold War, we won without firing a single shot.

Why? Number one, we just flat out out-spent them.

The Russians couldn't shovel money into the fire as fast as we could.

Number two, and this is where my command comes in...

technology.

Nobody shapes nature the way we do.

We take atoms and molecules and before we finished with them...

they're everything from combat boots to bombs.

The kind of bombs that nobody from the other side will ever see...

until the damn thing ploughing down their chimney...

like Santa Claus from hell!

General?

What?

This is not the first time you've been here.

We've been down this road before, that is correct.

Several times, in fact.

I haven't been keeping count.

Let me refresh your memory. You have before you a document.

I do.

The sensor fused anti-tank missile.

I'll be the first to admit...

that this programme did had its share of difficulties.

We did experience a glitch or two with the thing, that much is certain.

But even a heat-seeking missile can miss a target.

General, I see here that you taped electric hotplates...

to the surface of the vehicle...

to help your heat-seeking missile find its target...

and that the temperature of the vehicle was so high...

that it could have fried an egg at 20 feet!

Commence fire!

There was a verifiable deviation...

of the standard test data accumulation.

There were other deviations, were there not?

What about the Paveway bomb?

I'm not going to sit here and tell you...

- the Paveway never missed. - It missed by a mean distance...

of five miles and nearly 50 percent of the time.

You know...

in baseball, a guy who hits .400 is considered pretty damn great.

In baseball the losing team isn't killed by their opponents.

Be that as it may, the Paveway is one hell of a bomb.

Laser-guided, state-of-the-art.

And it proved what? That we have an effective weapon...

as long as the enemy allows us to build a two-storey crane...

directly above their tanks?

We have had some spectacular successes.

- Such as? - That's classified information.

- General... - Please...

Let's move on to the next item on our list.

The Bradley fighting vehicle.

What would you say...

the batting average is for the Bradley, General?

It takes people with sophisticated knowledge...

and expertise...

to conduct these tests and to interpret the results.

If the US Army acted on the advice of every Tom, Dick, and Harry...

who had an opinion on these matters...

we'd wind up with a bunch of B-52s powered by outboard motors.

- I fail to see your point. - My point is...

that a lot of things have to come together...

to create a new weapon...

and it takes teamwork.

Good, old-fashioned teamwork.

Colonel James Burton, was he part of your team, General?

More or less.

Post, sir?

Sergeant.

Can you tell me how to get to 4E-624?

Forward into the escalator, your left, two flights up to four...

your left, E-ring, your right...

proceed past corridor nine, face left.

Thank you.

It's no secret that Colonel Burton had a rocky tenure...

that we didn't see eye-to-eye.

But it didn't start out that way.

No!

I spoke to General Hall.

General Hall spoke to General Jones, General Jones spoke to Admiral Watts.

Well, then, write it down!

That takes care of Spina in Rhode Island...

and Mays from Nebraska. Any Democrats?

No, forget him.

Because he's a scum-sucking Judas...

who'd sell his mother for a handful of votes.

How about the Senate? That son of a bitch.

After we papered his state with contracts.

All right then, let's just make the fuselage...

in Michigan and the landing gear in Mississippi.

By all means, let's keep Congressman Groves...

and his bloodsucking buddies happy.

- Welcome, Colonel. - Thank you, General.

Thought you and I ought to get to know one another.

I welcome the opportunity, sir.

- Fact is, I'd like to help you. - Thank you, sir.

I don't mean to alarm you, Colonel. But this new job of yours...

under certain circumstances, can turn into...

a real shit-burning detail.

You're going to need friends as you can get.

I'd like you to count me as one of them.

I appreciate that, sir.

Air Force Academy...

Strategic Air Command, MBA from Auburn.

Your commanding officer, General De Grasso and I...

are old friends. He says as far as your concern...

the sky is the limit.

But then you draw the short straw.

I was assigned, sir.

Hell, it's a bum deal, whoever made it.

Every other year, somebody decides we're spending too much money.

A bunch of pencil-necks put their pointy little heads...

together and come up with a plan.

This year, it's the joint live-fire test programme.

Staffed with officers from every branch of the service.

So now we got the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines...

doing a circle-jerk over weapons testing...

and you get to hold the big dick.

I mean, who thinks up this nonsense?

Congress, sir?

And so it should, that's its job.

You'll never hear me criticise the Hill.

Although you'd think Congress has enough of their own shit...

to shovel without wondering what's going on over here.

Well, I'm not anticipating any problems with the posting, sir.

Neither am I.

A man doesn't come as far in his carreer as you have...

without knowing how to walk a minefield.

Howard Matheson. Came here two rotations ago.

That marlin is not the only thing he caught.

I got him into SenCom when he left here...

and now he's head of their missile testing.

- Blake Gelmore, you know Blake? - No, sir.

Man wasn't even a full-bird colonel when he left for the private sector.

That was four years ago.

A few frequency-gain modulator contracts later...

and look at him, man could buy and sell both of us...

a thousand times over.

- Lucky man. - Smart man.

First-rate soldier, just like you, Colonel.

Knew how to make the best of a difficult situation.

Now this new job of yours...

is too tough for any one man to go it alone.

It's going to require teamwork. Here you go.

These are a couple of your projects undergoing testing.

The UH-60 helicopter, the AV-8B jump-jet...

and the Bradley fighting vehicle.

All outstanding programmes, all organised and ready to go.

I did a little homework for you. Give you a leg-up.

I appreciate that, General.

You know, you could return the favour...

by giving the Bradley there just a little extra attention.

Attention?

We need it in the field. The sooner the better.

Just make sure to go on top of all the things in your inbox...

so it'll get in your outbox as soon as possible.

As a personal favour to me.

- Best of luck, Colonel. - Thank you, sir.

- Colonel. - Sir?

Next time you're told to report to this office, be on time.

Yes, sir.

Sir.

Colonel James Burton...

I'm here to take a look at the Bradley fighting vehicle test.

- Straight ahead, sir. - Thank you.

"I want to be an airborne ranger"

"I want to be an airborne ranger..."

- There he is. - That's the guy?

That's him, supposed to be real smart.

Squadron Officer School...

- Air Command and Staff College. - First tour with the Pentagon?

He was at the Air Force lab at Albuquerque...

when Congress called. He's a soldier, not just a manager.

What do you mean?

He's put in his fair share of flying time.

Looks like a fucking choirboy to me.

Maybe, but nothing goes into production until he signs off.

"Target is now in position..."

Colonel Burton, JD Bach. Welcome to the team.

- Colonel Bach. - Yes, sir. Good to see you.

This is Major Sayers, our chief tester.

Army Weapons Research Lab.

So how'd an Air Force guy end up overseeing tests run by the Army?

- Well, it could have been worse. - How's that?

Congress could have appointed someone from the Navy.

"The range is now hot."

"Commencing armour penetration tests on the Bradley fighting vehicle."

"Attention on the firing line."

Are you ready on the right?

"Ready on the left?"

"Firing line is ready."

"Firing detail, commence firing."

"Cease fire."

- Damn impressive armour. - Congratulations.

All right, drinks are on me, gentlemen.

Joining us, Colonel Burton?

Congratulations, thanks for your help on that one.

You know we couldn't have done it without you.