Spinster

Woman: I was visiting the beach

my grandmother used to take me to as a child.

I had her beautiful locket on around my neck.

Grand-dad had given it to her before they were married,

when he knew she was the one.

When Grand-dad passed away, she gave it to me and she said,

"I've lost the love of my life,

and now, it's time for you to find yours."

That night, I realized that the locket she had gifted me

no longer hung around my neck,

so I returned to the beach.

It was an impossible task.

I mean, the only light came from this sky full of stars

and a glow from a grand house on the shore.

I was on my hands and knees,

just sifting through grains of sand, when...

take a deep breath...

A beautiful young man came out of that grand house

on the shore to walk his dog.

He stopped right in front of me, and just then,

I kid you not,

a shooting star lit up the night sky

and illuminated my grandmother's locket right under his feet!

And we want our special day to reflect that magic.

A fairy tale should be celebrated like a fairy tale!

Okay, you're young, so I feel like I have to tell you

that there's no such thing as a real-life fairy tale.

Obviously, I'm not under the delusion

that I'm living in an actual fairy tale!

But never underestimate the power of romantic love.

Oh, I know, people love romance.

That's because everyone, deep down,

wants nothing more than someone to love.

It's the story of humanity!

I think you're skipping a couple wars...

It is why Shakespeare ended all of his comedies with a wedding.

Jane Austen, wedding.

It resonates on this primal level.

It's weird, because marriage

started as a contract of ownership,

and now, it's kind of evolved

into, at best, gross consumerism,

and at worst, a tax cut.

Yeah, I just thought part of your job

would be, like, in generating enthusiasm,

So, I just thought that as someone

who makes her living from weddings, so...

Oh, I don't make my living from weddings.

- Of course you do. - Mm-mm.

You're a caterer.

Well, you're forgetting funerals. People die every day.

I wanted to do business with you

because I'm friends with your sister.

She's my half-sister.

I am not going to hire a wedding caterer

who obviously has some issues with her love life.

Ha!

I'm in a very serious, loving relationship

built in love, not a contract, or marriage hocus-pocus!

This could have been a big contract for you.

Well, guess what, toots?

I have big contracts coming out of my ass!

Whoop, there went one!

Whoop, oh, there's another one!

Nathan?

Babe?

What are you doing? Where's our furniture?

You weren't trying to sneak out before I got home, were you?

Gaby, I'm leaving.

Now?

We have dinner reservations. I had to put my card down.

I told you I don't like fancy restaurants.

It's my birthday!

Excuse me.

Don't you care about me?

Look, we're wrong for each other.

I thought you were just going to stay for a week or two,

but we've been sitting here eating

and watching TV for months.

It's the golden age of television!

I've gained weight, I'm always getting sick.

People say I'm pale!

Well, we need to go to couples therapy.

We just need a neutral third party

to just take us by the hands...

No one goes to couples therapy for a three-month relationship.

We have no kids, no house, no cat.

Well, I wanted a dog.

So, get a dog.

You're free!

Get an alligator for all I care.

Wait a minute, you can't leave.

This is your fucking apartment!

And you can have it.

Where are you going?

You're gonna go stay with your parents or something?

You'd go crazy.

Stay, stay!

Come on, stay.

I'm moving in with someone, okay?

I've reunited with an old girlfriend.

Did she find you on Facebook?

Oh, my God, that is so pathetic.

We like board games.

Wow, so this whole time,

you've been sneaking around behind my back

to play board games?

Oh, my God, you've actually done the impossible.

You've managed to make having an affair... lame.

So bitchy.

Well, you're so boring!

Look what you're carting around.

Okay, this is you.

I'm out of here.

Oh, Gaby.

You can't leave me, come on!

I'm doing both of us a favour.

We had a terrible relationship.

"Have!" We have a terrible relationship!

I mean, come on.

I know I'm mouthy, and I'm irritable,

and I need to work on my core.

Look at me!

I'm a human being. Please!

Please, I have feelings, please!

Please, sir! Please!

Don't go.

I'm going to Sarah's.

Sarah?

Sarah! Sarah?

Wow!

Gaby: Ugh, God.

I'm sorry I'm being such a downer.

Thanks for the flowers, though.

I really liked them.

Good, I didn't think I'd get to see you on your birthday.

Yay!

We were supposed to go to dinner tonight, me and Nathan.

Would you want to come?

Oh, I would,

but like, this has been planned for a long time.

Otherwise, I would have cancelled,

and then, tonight, Jeremy and I are going to see a show.

Mm, yeah, no worries, no worries.

This is super fun.

It's helping me take my mind off of stupid Nathan.

Well, to be honest with you,

it's a good thing you're not with Nathan anymore,

because Nathan is a bit of a drip.

He's like club soda. All bubbles, no taste.

He was like club soda no bubbles.

Why didn't you say anything when I first started seeing him?

I thought you might have a kid with him.

Yeah, I might have, I guess,

if it was the end times.

See? It all worked out for the best, Gaby.

Listen, go try something on.

I am going to go make you a cocktail.

Ew, no, no, no!

Go find your mom!

Amanda!

No, no, no!

He's touching all the cheese.

What are you, like cheese police?

He's five.

It's not like he's contagious, like he has typhoid.

Well, it's disgusting for everyone here.

He just loves his cheese, don't you, buddy?

Come on with Mommy.

There's some really amazing stuff out there.

Is there?

Mm-hmm.

How old are your kids?

I don't have kids.

Why would you assume I have kids? Not everyone has kids.

I'm so sorry, I shouldn't make assumptions.

Well, no need to apologize.

I don't feel bad about it.

You know, I'm a business owner,

so I'm kind of more focused on my career.

I'm a mom and a hematologist.

Oh, cool.

So, I guess hematology is one of those careers

where you can have kids.

My husband and I make a great team.

We make it work.

And Amanda, you have your photography.

Yeah, but photography is a passion.

Having kids and practicing law was too much.

Yeah, it's also that kids are really bad for the environment.

So, it's kind of, I guess you could say, an ethical thing.

Tiny feet, big footprint.

But there's ways to reduce your footprint,

like this clothing swap!

So, let's get out there before all the good stuff is gone!

And who knows?

Your kids could grow up to create a source of green energy.

Or find the cure for cancer.

Or make peace in the Middle East!

Or she could shoot up her high school.