Sweetpea

The following programme contains

scenes of strong violence and strong language.

'People I'd love to kill:'

'Manspreaders.'

I mean... yeah.

That's what he said to me. 'Donna in the minimarket...'

Just saying!

'..who is never happy to help.'

Got an alligator in your garden, - then what? - Oh-

How big is it? 'Norman from work...'

No, I can't put that on the front page.

'..for failing to acknowledge my potential.'

'Jeff from work...'

'..for having zero spatial awareness.'

Night!

'Actually, everybody at work.'

'People who have sex with you,

and then then only reply to your texts with emojis.'

'My sister Seren for leaving me on read,

on my phone and in my life in general.

Our mum for leaving

and forgetting to tell us where she went.'

'And forever at the top of my list...

...Julia Blenkingsopp...'

Did you hear Rhiannon died? Awww(!)

No, I- I didn't...

'..who subjected me to a relentless campaign of psychological abuse,

eroding my self-worth and general context in the world.'

Oh my God, do you smell that? It smells like decay!

She's so weird!

'Julia Blenkingsopp

for making me pull so much of my hair out that I had to wear a wig.'

'Julia Blenkingsopp

for turning me into a ghost...'

'..making me forever invisible and afraid.

'And I'd kill my dad...

'..for dying

and leaving me to deal with everything alone.'

Dad?!

Da... Nur- Nurse!

Nurse! Excuse me!

I pulled out the wire. (LAUGHS) You prick!

Nah, you're too easy.

You alright? Yeah.

Right...

Got you some bits. Yessss!

Give me my... knife, would you?

Here. Here you go.

Thanks. What happened there?

Ah, just... tea. (CHUCKLES)

Jeff, er, bumped into me.

It was an accident.

You let people take the piss.

You need to learn to...

stand up for yourself. I know.

Don't just say you know. Do it.

I'm serious, Rhiannon.

Don't let people walk all over you.

Make 'em see you, how you are.

How special you are.

Just be more...

Are you trying to kill me?

You sound worse.

Has anyone been in to see you today?

I told you, someone will be with you

as soon as they're available. Excuse me? (ECHOES)

Come on! It will take you two minutes!

Sorry, can I... This isn't good enough.

I pay for your fucking wages! Oh, can I have a raise, then?

My mate wants a mini trifle, so he should get a mini fucking trifle!

Don't speak to me like that, sir. Sorry, I- I just need, um...

Hey! I'm talking to you.

Hi, excuse me. Fine! I'll do it myself, then.

'And myself...'

You can't go in there! My dad... erm...

'..for being so helpless without him...'

He's crashing...

'..letting him down... again.'

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING DROWNS OUT COMMOTION)

'People I'd love to kill:'

'Everyone.'

You look nice.

Tommy will be so missed,

and not just by the people

whose extensions he didn't finish before he fell ill.

Ooh. What time do you call this?

As I was saying, Tommy will be missed.

- (WHISPERS) Hi. - But he'll be missed most by his family.

I thought you weren't coming. Flight was delayed.

...daughter Seren, mother to his only grandchild, Noel,

son-in-law Xavier,

daughter and carer Rhian...

That's not my name. Shh.

...and not to mention his dedicated employees,

Andrew, Craig, and Shaun,

whom he saw as family,

and all the other friends, colleagues and clients

who have come to say goodbye one final time.

And now, to play Tommy out of this life and onto whatever awaits,

is a cover of a song by his favourite artist,

Bruce Springsteen,

because Tommy was a "Boss" too.

Literally.

He ran a limited company and employed three other people.

I told him to say that.

Tommy, this one's for you,

carefully chosen by...

...Rhian.

It's actually quite nice.

He said he'd haunt me if I didn't.

Thank you. Oh. Er... Thank you.

Sorry for your loss. Very sorry.

Thank you.

Thanks. So sorry, Rhian.

Er, it's actually... Rhiannon.

Yeah.

What is she doing here?

She moved back. She wanted to pay her respects.

Erm, excuse me? Oh, hi.

There are a lot of dirty glasses on our table.

Oh... OK.

Erm...

Hi, Aunty Brenda, it's...

Rhiannon, Tommy's daughter.

Oh. Are you the one that lives in France?

No, that's Seren.

I'm just... here.

So, you don't work here?

No.

She doesn't work here. Oh no.

Oh! Sorry. Woah! Steady on.

Oh, hi. Oh... hi.

Hi. Er... (CHUCKLES)

It was really nice of you to come.

No, yeah. Like, obviously...

You know, Tommy was, like...

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)