Mr. Osomatsu (おそ松さん)

Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan!

Dekapan

Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan!

I did it! I became the president!

I never thought I'd actually win.

I guess running in an election on a whim is worth trying now and then.

Dekapan

I'm the new president, Dekapan.

"President Dekapan"

Listen, President Dekapan.

This isn't the time to be so merry.

Being president means the people will expect you to carry out their wishes.

Then there's the prosperity of our nation, good relations with other countries...

Not to mention keeping an eye on world affairs.

Listen very carefully, Mr. President. Politics is basically a vessel.

Let me remind you again that popularity is everything.

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But that doesn't just mean you have to be likable.

You need to have a broad perspective.

Please listen! I'll say this one more time!

Just because you became president,

this isn't the time to be so merry!

Are you listening, Mr. President?!

I mean, and let me say this again about politics...

Again, again, this isn't the time to be merry!

Being president means

the people will expect you to carry out their wishes.

Then there's the prosperity of our nation and good relations with other countries,

not to mention keeping an eye on world affairs...

Are you listening, Mr. President?!

What are you doing, Mr. President?!

What's that button for?

It does absolutely nothing.

I want to push it.

Absolutely not!

This button is just meant to be here.

Its sole purpose is to be here.

But I'm so curious.

I wanna push it.

Please?

All right, I get it.

Please just settle for this toy button.

This is so calming.

I guess you can be pretty cute sometimes, Mr. President.

I said no!

I wanna push it!

No!

Wanna push! Wanna push the button!

Let me push it!

You dumbass!

You can't be serious. Who the hell picked this guy to be president?

Is there no way you'll let me push it?

No means no!

Okay, I won't push it. But let me at least lick the very top of the button.

The hell?! What are you talking about?

Just the top.

Just the top?

Oh, all right.

This is so calming.

This is disturbing.

I-I can't hold back anymore!

I told you no, you cueball! You freak in underwear!

Just once!

And that once would end everything!

Let me push it!

No!

Let me do it!

No!

Just let me do it once!

No! Seriously, who the hell elected you president?!

Oh.

Aw... There it goes.

I didn't get to push it.

Aw... And now it's coming back.

I really wanted to push it.

End

Ventriloquism

Come one, come all!

Ventriloquism Show

We have a super fun ventriloquism show for you!

What's that?

Let's start off with introductions.

My name's Chibisuke!

My name's Hatarou.

And the two of us are...

Chibihata-chan.

Nice to meet ya.

Nice to meet you, jo.

That's amazing!

That guy's mouth isn't moving at all!

It's perfect ventriloquism!

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So easy, you idjits! They totally fell for it.

Children are the easiest to fool.

Ventriloquism is so fun, jo.

Hey, Hatarou-kun.

What is it, Chibisuke-kun?

What's your favorite food, Hatarou-kun?

Um...

Oh, don't you like oden, Hatarou-kun?

Oden, huh?

Wait, that's mine. Get it right.

Sheeeh!

That hurt! Why'd you hit me, Hatarou-kun?

I'm not the one who hit you, jo.

Sheeeh!

This is so confusing.

Who's who, and who's talking right now?

It's all you.

Sheeeh!

Oh, that's right.

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This is awesome!

We're gonna have yakiniku tonight!

Don't forget the all-you-can-drink beverages.

We'll add in dessert...

...and some bathing beauties.

Ventriloquism is so fun, jo.

Jo!

Jo, jo, jo... Jo...

I gotta pee, jo.

Sheeeh!

What?!

I'm gonna pee!

J-J-Just hold it. We're in the middle of a show.

Now that you mention it...

Now I need to poop, too.

Sheeeh! Just hold it!

It's coming! It's coming!

Hey!

Jo...

The hell...

Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...

Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...

Sheeeh!

That's awesome!

Did they all just speak at once?

Amazing!

I've never seen anything like this!

Oh, you look like you're having fun.

Hey, it's an oil magnate!

Sorry to keep you waiting. I'm the Oil Magnate.

Mr. Ventriloquist... Please display those amazing skills at my party.

I will pay you handsomely.

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Sheeeh!

All right! You idjits! Damn it!

This is mine, jo!

Sheeeh! It belongs to me!

Let go!

It's mine, jo.

Whose idea do you think this was?!

You didn't even do anything!

Mine!

Yeah!

Who do you think you're messing with?!

Damn it! They tricked me!

End

"Valentine's Day"

February

Did you make reservations for today?

Yeah. This place is super popular, so it wasn't easy.

Thanks for doing that.

It's finally here... Valentine's Day.

Well, it's not like I want chocolate that bad, anyway.

Right, Choromatsu?

Of course I don't want any. We're adults now.

It's not like I'd get all excited about chocolate, nor do I like it that much.

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Just before Valentine's Day Special!!

I mean, we can just buy some chocolate anytime.

Well said!

Wow, you're so calm.

Don't make me fall for you, brother!

We don't need chocolate at our age, anyway.

Nope, we don't.

We don't want any, right?

Nope!

So, what about you, Todomatsu?

Hmm?

You haven't said a word. Do you want chocolate?

Of course I want some.

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True, I don't get excited about chocolate, nor do I like it that much...

You definitely want to get chocolates from girls on Valentine's Day, but the reality is it's hard for loser guys to get any chocolate.

And I can buy it whenever I want.

But who doesn't want to get chocolates from a cute girl on Valentine's Day?

H-Huh... What?

Just say that you don't want any chocolate.

Huh? What do you mean?

I'm saying...

We were all just saying how we don't want any chocolate

to avoid thinking about the cruel reality.

This is like group self-defense.

What are you talking about?

Wait, then don't you guys want chocolates on Valentine's Day?

Of course we do!

Totty! We want some so bad, we'd be willing to die for it!