Happy Endings Sleepover

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Sit!

So, what now?

As they used to say, the war for you, my friend, is over.

Cigarette?

No.

There was Sander Lars Hansen, and there was me.

I'm Johnnie Allen.

More about Sander later.

I'm an American, born in Tacoma, Washington,

who just got a job with, get this, the CIA.

Yeah, that CIA.

I've been posted to the tiny little kingdom of Denmark

and it's my first day here.

I'm no stranger to small countries, by the way.

My idiot parents raised me from the time I was a baby in a religious cult

in a failed South American stronghold.

I never saw the good ol' U-S-of-A until I was 14.

Talk about culture shock!

Add to that my funny accent from Curaçao,

and you can imagine my high school social standing.

Not fun!

Not only do I work for the CIA, but I'm gay.

And they don't like it when you're gay and work there.

Which I never understood!

Because if you ever want to know everything about anything,

just ask your local gay guy.

And if my bible-thumping mother ever found out,

she'd hate me and just tell me to burn in hell.

So, we'll keep that on the down-low.

Sorry?

Oh, you're closed?

Yeah, we're closed.

Oh, sorry.

I'm sorry, I don't speak Danish.

English, of course.

Welcome to The Grand.

How can I help you?

I just need a room for one night.

Just one single room for only you?

That's right. Just me.

Reservation?

No.

And your name, please?

Johnnie Allen.

Would you please spell it for me?

Yeah. It's J-o-h-n-n-i-e. A-l-l-e-n.

Looks like I made it.

I'm in Denmark.

Walking the cobblestone streets of this beautiful Danish town

led me through places that looked like they were taken from Disney World.

It's weird to see a building that was erected about the same time

that the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth rock.

It's even stranger to see a McDonald's in a building that's older than that!

The world turned out to be a little bigger than I expected.

And I felt lost.

I've never been as lonely, either.

I can count on one finger the times I've had a one-night stand,

but I guess some things cross all language barriers.

And "gay need" spoke the loudest.

Not my best moment.

Especially the morning after.

Sorry, I don't actually speak any Danish yet.

Oh, that's not a problem. Then we'll do some English.

- Okay. - Please have a seat.

So, you need a flat, yes?

Yeah! Someone at the hotel told me about you.

Oh! It's my daughter's friend.

- Oh. - I knew you were coming!

So, I handle a very nice place, not far from here.

Okay.

And the woman who runs the place takes great care of everyone.

- Oh, nice. - One moment, please.

Okay.

When you get to the place, just ask for Emma.

Emma?

Yeah?

Sorry, do you speak English?

Emma said she knows who you are because Maria's mom already called her.

She wanna know when you wants to move in.

Are you moving in?

Oh, yeah. I'm from America and I'm going to school here.

Don't they have schools in America?

Anyway. Would you let her know that I would like to move in,

and I would like to take the place as soon as I can.

Yeah.

Yes! Today!

My new flat was not only furnished, courtesy of Emma's basement,

but it came complete with friends my age who didn't mind helping me move in.

Even Emil, who was still nursing a hangover, supervised from my couch.

And then there was Emma, who was more grandmother than landlord.

I never imagined that my first place on my own would be on the other side of the world.

Or that where I would wind up would change my life forever.

The fact is, I was home.

Just a minute!

So, my new friends are inviting me to a welcoming party: for me!

Dang! I was totally floored!

Since Saturday was less than a week away,

and I didn't want to come to the party empty-handed,

it was time for a beer and soda run,

and my first experience with my new neighbour, Bent Gundersen,

manager of Boop's Boutique Supermarket.

I say "manager" but that's up for debate!

Hey! Whoa! Johnnie Allen!

You must like beer!

We have the A.A. over here too.

Just like in your States!

Screw you, Bent!

Is all for the party on Saturday?

Yeah. Thought I'd help. At least with some of it.

Oh!

Never had a party thrown for me before, you know?

No, no, no, no!

We pay it, for your party!

Uhm, what if I pay for it and you just bring it? How about that?

Yeah!

Yo! It's good.

But... shhh... alright?

Of course.

So, uhm, how much?

Two-thousand kroner, please.

It's a Bent Gundersen discount.

Okay.

John. Right?

It's Johnnie, actually, Ms. Stupelmann.

Johnnie.

You can call me Marge.

We'll get along just famously, I'm sure.

Sounds good.

We have lots for you to do,

but first, I wanna know you a little bit better.

Yeah. Sure.

You're queer.

I've never run a queer before.

Would that be a problem?

What?

Now you're deaf?

Relax, already.

Why do you think we picked you?

We picked you because you're queer.

Can you stop that, please?!

- What? - I hate that word!

What? Deaf?

No! Queer! I hate it!

Should I be all antiseptic?

And call you a "practicing homosexual?"

So, what, I'm fired now, right?!

I'm 21. I can be a queer if I want to be!

So, kill me! I'm just here to do the job!

That's the problem with our kind!

We're always so damned dramatic!

What?

Wait.

You don't think I'd waste all this classic charm and beauty

on some guy who grunts and ickkk!

Wow! You're a trip, lady!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's "official."

And then there's official, if you know what I mean.

I knew exactly what she meant!

There's nothing more undercover than a closeted gay guy,

but I guess I'd passed the test.

Because Marge called Langley and put me on the duty roster.

Now all I had to do was go home and wait for my first assignment.

This is the police! Come out, American! You're surrounded!

Shut up! Come in, asshole.

So, what are we having?

Eggs and bacon. And toast and jelly.

I bet it's gooood!

It's so good! You won't believe how good it is!

Yeah? It looks like it.

So, how do you like your eggs?

I don't know. Cook them. Maybe like yours.

Alright! One Emil Special coming right up!

You know,...

this is really good food you make.

Thanks!

Anyone ever say that to you?

I cook all the time for my little brother and sister.

They love it when I do.

I see why.

You miss your family?

I do.

Well.

We'll be your family.

You'll even be sick of us.

Just like the real ones.

And you're already big news around here.

My brother told his mates about the party,

and all is good people here.

You'll like us.

Yeah. I've never felt so welcome before.

And listen to this!

Bent bought six cases of beer for your party!

Six cases!

We couldn't believe him when he told us.

Because he's so cheap.

We call him Uncle Joakim.

Who's Uncle Joakim?

Oh, yeah. You guys call him Scrooge McDuck.

You know, Donald Duck's uncle?