Get Smart

Chief: Good afternoon, 86.

Dr. Albert hell man, america's most brilliant gerontologist,

bacteriologist and orthodontist has been murdered.

Dr. Hellman has just recently concluded 40 years' work

on the theory of hellmanivity.

That theory is now believed to be

in the possession of kaos's top agent, the leader.

Control has never been able to learn the identity

of this cunning and ruthless agent.

But we do know that he has plans

to get the theory out of the country sometime tomorrow night.

That doesn't give us much time.

That doesn't give us much time.

Should he succeed in delivering Dr. Hellman's theory

to kaos headquarters in Europe,

the human race will be faced with extinction through hell man it is.

- What is that? - I don't have to tell you what that is.

Your assignment is to discover the identity of the leader,

and recover the hell man theory.

Should you decide to accept this assignment,

this department will disavow any knowledge of your actions.

Should you decide not to accept it, you're fired.

Good luck. As usual, this tape will self-destruct

in exactly five seconds.

Maybe six.

Good afternoon, 86.

Dr. Albert hell man, america's most brilliant gerontologist,

bacteriologist and orthodontist has been murdered.

Dr. Hellman has just recently concluded 40 years' work

on the theory of hellmanivity.

That theory is now believed

to be in the possession of kaos's top agent...

Good afternoon, 86.

Dr. Albert hell man, america's most brilliant gerontologist,

bacteriologist and orthodontist has been...

Good afternoon, 86.

Dr. Albert hell man, america's most brilliant...

Good afternoon, 86.

Dr. Albert hell man, america's most brilliant gerontologist...

Who's there?

It's me 99. Let me in.

I'm sorry, 99, but I can't let you in

until you prove to me that it is really you.

Come on, Max, it's really me.

Sorry, 99, but you know the new control protective code.

I cannot open that door

unless I am absolutely sure that it is really you.

Oh, it's you. Come on in.

Oh, I see you've picked the agents for the new assignment.

Hey, how come my photograph's not in the accepted file?

Oh, yes... well, you see, 99, I decided...

You're not taking me on this assignment, are you, Max?

- Uh... no, I'm not. - You can't leave me out of this one, Max.

This is the most important case that's ever been given to control.

This could mean the end of the world.

That's exactly why I'm not letting you go on this mission.

If it's gonna mean the end of the world,

I wanna make sure that you're all right.

That doesn't make any sense, Max!

99, this is a very dangerous assignment!

Every assignment is dangerous.

You don't understand, 99. You're a girl!

Why do you want to go out all the time, getting shot at?

I mean, what kind of a life is that for a nice girl?

You'll wanna get married someday, settle down, have a family.

After all, 99, you're a very attractive person.

Are you trying to tell me something, Max?

- Yes. - What?

- You can go on the mission. - Oh.

I'd better call the chief and let him know about it right away.

- I'll get him for you. - No, 99,

this is top security. I'll use my garter phone.

Why are you wearing two garters?

How do you like that? They tapped my garter phone!

I'll use the jacket phone.

Hello, control? This is Maxwell smart.

Put me through to the chief.

Max, that's terrific!

I'd love to have one of these for my apartment.

Make sure you have it custom-made. Don't get one off the rack.

Max, this is the chief.

- Hello, chief, this is Max. - What's up, Max?

Chief, I've picked the agents for my mission.

- I'm going to use... - Hold it, Max.

We've discovered a security leak here at headquarters.

Do not divulge any information on the phone.

Look, chief, we've got 24 hours to find the leader

and recover the hell man theory...

I have to hang up.

- My other jacket's ringing. - Where can we talk?

The safest place would be in a jet at 30,000 feet.

Max: How come we're the only ones aboard, chief?

Security... I'll fill you in as soon as we're safe at 30,000 feet.

Pilot: Chief, we're now flying at 30,000 feet.

Good. Now, Max, listen carefully.

We just received a call from an informer who told us...

- That's incredible, chief! - Take it down.

Chief, there's one thing I forgot to mention.

- What's that? - It's top secret.

Take it up.

Pilot: Chief, we're at 30,000 feet... again.

- Go ahead, Max. - Well, you see, chief...

- Any more questions? - No, chief.

Take it down.

As soon as we land, Max, there'll be a car

waiting for you to take you to the record shop for your rendezvous.

- Right. - Now are you sure you remember everything?

I remember every single thing...

- Good. - Except the address.

Maxwell smart?

Yes, and this is agent 99.

- Crazy. - Thank you.

- Have you got the information? - Yes.

But first, let's put this record on

and play it nice and loud

- so no one will hear us. - Good idea.

The leader has the theory.

- What?! - The leader has the theory

and he's getting it to kaos tomorrow night!

We know that, but how is he getting it to them?

What?!

How is the leader getting the theory to kaos?

By telstar tomorrow night

between 9:00 and 10:00 on a big TV show

relayed to Europe!

Listen, I've got a good idea:

We don't we leave the record off and just talk softly?

- Crazy. - Good.

- Now what's the rest of it? - That's it.

That's it?! What about the leader, who's the leader?

Oh, for that, I'd better put the record on.

Ow! Man, that's sharp!

Who is the leader?

- Max! The needle! - Of course!

The old poison-needle-in-the-phonograph trick!

Max, look, that man!

- You stay here, 99. I'll get him. - Right.

Chief: As soon as we're up, I want a full report

on everything that happened at the record shop.

Right, chief, and I'll tell you about the killer that got away.

Not here, Max! Don't talk until we're at 30,000 feet!

Pilot: Chief, we're now flying at 30,000 feet.

- Go ahead, Max. - Well, you see, chief...

Chief: You didn't get to find out who the leader is,

you didn't get the killer...

You didn't get anything!

No? What about this bump on my head?

Take it down.

You're to meet me in an hour

at control's secret laboratory.

You know where that is?

You do know where that is, Max?

Now don't tell me.

Gee, chief! I didn't know you could play the trumpet.

What'd you say, Max?

I said I didn't know you could play the tr...

Take five.

It's a brilliant piece of work, Dr. Simon.

Oh, thank you. And it can play any song.

All you'll have to do is say the title into the mouthpiece.

- Amazing. - Well, what's it for?

Max, we've discovered

that the informer was a trumpet player with herb Talbot's Tijuana tin.

Oh, the Tijuana tin. I love them... I have all their albums, chief.

Now he told you that Dr. Hellman's theory

would be sent out of the country during a television show

tomorrow night between 9:00 and 10:00, right?

Right.

Herb Talbot's Tijuana tin are doing a television special

tomorrow night between 9:00 and 10:00.

That's terrible, chief! They'll be killed!