Mapleworth Murders

Good morning, New Woodstream.

Let's have a day of it.

Good morning, Peter.

Saw your wife. She told me everything.

Well, who are you, sir?

I'm going to name you hungry for now.

And you can call me sucker.

Let's go. Come on in.

You're gonna love it.

Izzy, I have very exciting news.

Today I am going to start my first ever full-length novel.

No more procrastination.

Now you go lay down in your orthopedic bed.

Good darling.

And begin.

Abigail Mapleworth. To whom am I speaking?

- Hey, it's Jerry, your agent. How's the novel coming?

- Jerry, I've written 64 murder mystery novellas.

I think I've got this.

I once wrote a Yelp review that was 20 pages long

about a restaurant that used balsamic that was not house-made, as claimed.

- Okay, well, I'll let you work your magic.

- There's nothing magic about murder, Jerry.

And you should also wear pants when you're in the office.

How did you...

I hate when you do that.

All right. For real this time, Abigail.

And begin.

Oh, my goodness gracious.

No bark!

Heidi?

- Hi, Aunt Abigail. - Ohh, come in here!

Look at you!

Oh, you've grown into such a beautiful young gal.

I thought you were going to be a little mushroom like I am,

but your legs got in the game just in time.

- Mom and Dad said thanks so much for letting me stay here.

- Of course. - It was either this

or go home to Australia, you know, back in the marsupial pouch.

Oh.

- Oh! - Oh, here are all the babies

from my marsupial pouch. - Hi! Ohh.

- Oh, and give her kisses. Oh, kisses!

So your parents tell me that you're going to be finishing college

at New Woodstream instead of Princeton.

- Uh, that reminds me. I've gotta go online

and register for classes. - Hm.

Um, what's your Wi-Fi?

It's Wireless Network.

You should change that.

Uh, password? - Oh.

WXRT443MQ123four...

The four is spelled F-O-U-R...

And then an entire line of asterisks

that just look like a little blanket of snow.

It's a strong password.

- And if you need anything at all, at any time, you just...

Dingy-ding. And I'll be right in that bed right there.

- Wait, we're sleeping right next to each other?

- Mm. - Don't you have, like,

three other bedrooms? - I do.

There's one for the dogs, one for the cats,

and then the third one is where they all meet for parties.

As you can see, Heidi,

the town square is quite the bevy of activity.

This is my favorite shop All windchimes all the time,

and it's open till 11:00. -

I can't post any of these. Is it possible to have negative bars?

- Oh, there's a grand opening sign up there.

Something is exciting.

Let's check it out.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, it says it's a hot spot. Let's go.

Well, I mean, it hasn't opened.

That's pretty cocky to call themselves a hot spot.

No, it's an Internet hot spot.

Congrats on your big opening, jackass.

Maybe you can finally pay me back the money

you sucked from my savings, you prick.

I hope you die soon!

And if you don't, let me know, so I can kill you myself!

- Sorry about that. That's my ex-wife.