Monsterland

Don't you ever worry you're gonna choke?

Like... while you're doing it?

No. Plus, if you do, it's good.

They like it.

How's the back?

Um, there's like one kind of straight spot.

Will you get it? Yeah.

I want like, old Hollywood hair.

Like Rita Hayworth.

I want your hair.

Fine. Come here.

Hot.

You know you can practice too, right?

For um... guys.

You're not going to tell me to like do stuff with a cucumber, are you?

What? No.

Just use your fingers.

What?

Open your mouth.

What, um.

What does that do?

Trains your gag reflex.

Ok, how do I look?

Yea.

Good.

No, I know but, like, how good?

Like, would a lumberjack want me?

Do you just carry that around with you?

Freak. Shut up, it's your book

I just don't want my mom to find it.

I don't get it. Why would you ever want to look like them?

Are you kidding? Because they're hot.

He had good taste.

My mom used to say that it served them right.

No one ever goes into the white woods expecting something good to happen.

Especially a girl.

My mother called it the "no-no zone".

Shut up.

"The white woods are the no-no zone, sweetheart."

"And don't forget it."

My mom never called me sweetheart a day in her life.

You know what, laure?

Fuck her.

Come on. Sorry. Sorry.

That was some shit from the black ops.

My god, you have so much ax on.

Hi.

Sup, laure?

What's up, Pete? So, what's up with your mom?

Is she like nocturnal, cuz she's just like out on the couch right now.

Yea, she works nights.

Yea, and like drinks 50 chardonnays a day.

So, do you guys want to watch something, or?

You know what, laure, actually.

Maybe you could go somewhere for a little bit?

Give us some, like...

Privacy?

Yea.

It's just that my mom is downstairs,

and I don't want to wake her up.

So, go in the closet.

Hey.

Sorry about that.

Is Pete? Yeah.

He's gone. And he says thanks.

And... he left us this.

If you want to smoke it with me, we gotta to the woods.

Wait, what? Why?

I do not know. Because I want to. Why not?

Because it's dangerous.

Do you want to jump off a cliff too?

Like my mom is right. No, your mom is a bitch who controls you.

And you know why? Because you let her.

I mean, it's fine.

We don't have to go.

If you're too scared.

You know what?

I'm done.

Done with what?

This. You. Bossing me around.

Hiding in the closet so you can have sex with your stupid boyfriend.

Doing your hair... my god Lauren, wait.

No, you want to talk about bitches who control me,

you only text me just because you get sick of Abby and Cheyenne.

Am I supposed to just jump up and be there?

I'm not doing that anymore.

And I am definitely not going to a literal murder forest

because you want to role play dead girls, or scare me or whatever.

Wow.

Ok, well.

I'll just go alone, I guess.

Wait, hang on. In the woods? Yea.

By yourself? Yea, yea, why not?

I'm sorry, Elena. No, it's fine.

I guess I'll just see you at school.

Here, keep your stupid book.

It's about time. What, did you crawl home?

The bus was late

Lauren, I'm detective Leighton. Why don't you have a seat?

I need to ask you a couple of questions, if that's all right?

About your friend Elena.

Ok

Rebecca says Elena didn't come home last night.

We wondered if you maybe saw her at school today.

No.

No, she wasn't there. I thought she had skipped it, or.

Would you say that Elena does that often? Skip school?

I mean.

I don't know. Sometimes when you want to smoke with these guys.

Hey! Do you skip school too?

No. Mom. Never.

And, what about last night?

Did you see Elena then? Yes. Yes. She said she was coming here right after school.

Ok, yeah, she did yes, umm, she did.

We hung out a little, talked, and then she left.

Did she say where she was going?

Home, I think.

And that's all you remember?

You two didn't go anywhere else,

or do anything maybe you weren't supposed to?

Lauren, you won't get in trouble, all right?

It's all right, I'm scared too.

Sweetheart.

Lauren, you're certain you've told us everything you know?

Yes. That's all.

And the bridesmaids and the flower girl.

Take their places here.

And now the organ plays.

Everyone stands.

Ready? Yeah.

Here she comes.

The most beautiful bride we've ever seen.

Isn't that right? Just look at her.

Now, mom goes to sit.

Ok.

We are gathered here today to celebrate the union

of Peter and Lauren.

And what a very happy occasion it is.

That worked. Ok.

Welcome! Thank you guys so much for coming to our rehearsal dinner.

You know, sometimes when people find each other.

It's not so easy right away.

It's not like a fairy tale.

It's just real life, and as some of you may know,

it was Elena milak who first brought Lauren and I together.

And we grieved her disappearance side by side.

But, cut to, 10 years later,

med school, two dogs,

a new city.

And yea, I am pretty proud of how much we've built together.

Since.

Yea.

There's only one thing worth knowing about iron river.

God, here he goes again.

Mr. Tour guide over here.

Stay out of the white woods.

All right, how come? Don't encourage him.

How long you got, Boston?

In the winter of '83,

this girl named Alice wiles goes missing.

Poof, gone.

Springtime rolls around, snow melts,

some hunters out in the woods with his dog one day,

and who does he find, but Alice wiles,

minus her head.

Why do you always sound like that is your favorite part?

By '86, there were four more girls.

And that's just the lumberjack.

'95, a friend of my uncles,

walked his whole family out into the woods one afternoon.

He shot them all, execution style.

Jesus Christ.

Yep, woods scared us shitless growing up, didn't they?

Like you know the half?

You're a boy, woods are double bad for girls.

Just like everyplace else.

Did you hear what they found last night?

Remains. Human ones. Female.

No shit.

Hand to god, my friends cousin's boyfriend is a cop

heard it direct from him. And they're saying its got no head.

Shit.

Ok, what's wrong?

I don't know.

Her. This.

The worlds most saccharin speech.

What do you mean? This is great.

My god, did you try this?

Elena will hate it. The dip?

No, not...

Not the dip, god

Abby, it is nice that we're here, ok?

Lauren's our friend too. No, Pete's her friend.

Lauren's some girl we went to high school with.

Who, for some reason Elena liked.

But, was completely weird and boring,

and not socially attractive in any... Hey, bridey...

How are we holding up? Are you hydrating?

Equal parts water to bubbles.

Hey ab.