Escape From Area 51

We have received a request to visit Earth.

Beware because Earth is not a part of the galactic conglomerate.

It can be a violent place

or a place of many wonders.

And it's not just for anal probing anymore.

Or maybe a reason for the cows-loos.

Beautiful,

sexy,

cow-loos.

Whatever your purpose,

you'll need to transform your identity.

The earthlings are the scary and horrible.

Stupid earthlings.

You must choose a form that is more familiar to them.

Or your trip will not go well.

Krep-Nu to you, and travel well.

We're not... We're not actually gonna go far with this.

We're just gonna jump the fence, we're gonna take our pictures.

- We're gonna GPS it, screenshot it, and we're... Wait.

We're not sneaking in.

- Bro, we're sneaking in. - No, we are sneaking in

I know you didn't put on tin-foil to not sneak in.

Bro, the guy who made the Area 51 page is a pussy, bro.

I think they just changed it last minute to a music festival.

Guys, I think this is it.

Oh, we're here.

Oh, yo, we're fuckin' here.

What if I just drive through?

Why are you driving so fuckin' close, bro?

- Wait. Is it if I step over there? No, hell no.

- No, no, no, no. Yo, bro, get back in the car!

One of the fuckin' alien is out!

- That's gotta be a cow. - Do you know where Area 50...

Sir?

I'm not the only one seeing that, right?

Do you fuckin' see that shit, bro?

What the fuck?

Right there, bro. What is that?

Someone's calling me...

- I don't have any service. Does anyone have service?

I left my phone in the...

And so it begins.

Area 51 weekend.

Earnest here, with Earnest's video log.

Vlog. Vlog?

It kinda sounds like crap, doesn't it?

What about...

Earnest's video diary?

Yeah, that's much better.

I'm starting this vlog

to document something major.

This weekend, I'm going to the Area 51 raid.

Now, is it for the hopes of becoming an alien fighting Will Smith?

No, it's much more major than that.

And I'm not going alone.

That's right.

I'm going with Molly.

And Jason. But Molly is the important one.

This weekend, I'm finally gonna tell her how I feel.

It's gonna be my moment of man-up,

be bold, and be honest.

Oh, crap. There she is.

Hey, Molly, lemme get your luggage.

How the hell did this happen?

When the activist knocked out our power,

it killed the containment system for a few seconds.

Unfortunately, that was enough.

How does some hippy, tree-hugging activist

knock out an entire mil spec security system

and power grid?

These will come in handy.

Over there.

- What is it? - Vault 237.

The energy signature.

It could be her.

Watch my back.

Freeze!

Or what?

This tranquilizer can put down a baby elephant.

So?

Thanks for the hospitality.

Whoo-wee!

Look what the cat drug in.

It's a pussy!

A cat? Seriously?

I don't know what gave you that idea.

You want some dick?

Your name is "Dick?"

No, it's Dave.

Nice spandex.

Okay, out of my way, Dave.

I'm on a mission to save the galaxy.

- Ooh, that's hot. - Oh, no, thanks.

- -

- -

- - Sorry, I left my wallet in space.

Ooh, all right, missy, you're in for it.

Kill 'em.

I have two hands.

This is only on like four or five.

It goes to 11.

I'm dying.

I need to get that girl pregnant.

- Run. -

Bye-bye, Earth. Thanks for the good times.

Take me home.

I have detected Sheera's energy signature.

It's about time.

I'm coming for you, Sheera.

Follow her.

As you wish, Admiral Sklarr.

I think I have something.

Where is this?

Northern perimeter. Sector D-3.

Bingo.

Hey, everybody.

Mark your calendars.

'Cause it has finally happened.

Everything I predicted has finally come true.

When I was a kid, growing up in Nevada,

my mom was married to an asshole...

A supposed "scientist"

abducted me. He took me to what I know

was Area 51

where they put me in a lab,

strapped me to a table,

drugged me,

and implanted a chip in my brain.

This is Curly G.

And this is the Curly G Show.

Today's show isn't about comedy.

It's not about who my family is.

There's something personal going on here.

There's aliens. They're coming for me!

Why?

Because I have royal blood, okay?

I... I don't know. Is it my DNA they want?

Is it my loved man juice? I don't really know.

Oh, yeah!

I'm going to Area 51.

And I'm wearing a backpack,

and I'm wearing a vest.

Aliens are real!

We're not the only ones here!

Get it through your heads!

Curly G warned you.

Curly G out.

Aliens are real.

I don't know how many more of these videos I have to do...

to get the word out there and let everybody know

what's true.

I got this shirt from an alien tour a few years ago

where I got to meet the interloper,

the Alien Warrior Comedian.

They're in different forms.

I understand some are cats.

- And I... -

I think it's trying to assimilate me.

- - Oh, God.

If I was to look directly at it,

it would start to assimilate...

- - my body.

I don't have a cat.

All of a sudden out from behind the hills

came a big lion, just rising up.

And I said what the hell is that?

Old Billy Bob, he got a little bit afraid

seeing that happen, one of them there tractor beams came shooting out of that ship.

And they took Old Billy Bob.

So, you come back to your old buddy

and you beware

and we're gonna keep reporting

every sighting of the big E

And, now, we gotta look for them grays

and all them other alien types.

And I'll keep reporting the news to you.

You take care!

Worst... raid... ever.

I can't believe we failed.

Well, of course, we failed.

How are we going to beat the government?

Mol, the rest of the crowd took us a little more seriously

as opposed to treating it like some sort of off-season birding, man,

then maybe this would've worked.

Would you like to go back and try again?

- - Are you serious, Molly?

- Jason? - Earnest.