Saturday Night Live

NBC Saturday night, starring Elliot Gould.

With

his guests, Leon Redbone,

and Joyce Everson.

The not-ready-for-prime-time players, Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Chevy Chase,

Jane Curtin, Garrett Morris, Lori Newman, and Gilda Radler.

Times have changed.

And we've always rewound our clock Since the Puritans got a shock When they landed

on Plymouth Rock If today Any shock they would try to stem Instead of landing on

Plymouth Rock Plymouth Rock would land on them In olden days, a glimpse of stock He

was looking on the dump in shock

Says, anything goes Good authors, too, who once knew better words Now only

use four-letter words, writing prose Anything goes The world has gone mad today

And good's bad today And black's white today And day's night today And all the

guys today That women prize today Are just silly gigolos So though I ain't no great

romancer I know that you're bound to answer When I propose Anything goes The

world has gone bad today And black's white today And day's night today And what's

right today And all the guys today That women prize today Are just silly gigolos

So though I ain't no great romancer I know that I'm bound to answer When you propose

And tonight, everything goes Right after this message.

Hello?

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I am four.

Chad.

ABC is veteran-approved by the Federal Board of Public Instruction and is

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Excuse me, mister.

I have to get off.

But where are you going?

To call ABC and start my new career as a sought-after, high-paid, standby operator.

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Call 3-1-1-5-5-5-4-4-2-5.

That's 3-1-1-5-5-5-4-4-2-5.

Operators are standing by to take your call.

Well, I'm ready to play some poker, Johnny.

How soon's this European hotshot gonna arrive?

Well, any minute now, Mr. Russo.

His reply said 9.30.

Well, it's nice of him to grace our humble city of New Orleans, though, isn't it?

They say he's a gentleman of honor, you know.

And, Johnny, there aren't many honorable gentlemen left in the world today.

Well, uh, they say he's the best card player in all Europe, so you'd better be

on your toes tonight, Mr. Russo.

Don't you worry yourself, Johnny.

You just hand me my stakes when I want them and sit back and watch somebody get

taught a lesson.

Oh, that must be them now.

Well, show them in, Johnny.

By all means, show them in.

Yes, indeed.

Good evening.

Excuse us for being late.

May I introduce Mr. Ramon de Yarga himself?

Very, very pleased to meet you, my friend.

I'm Mo Greenstein, Mr. de Yarga's personal interpreter and backer.

And you, sir, you must be Mr. Russo, I presume.

My southern hospitable pleasure and honor to meet you gentlemen and welcome you to

my home.

I'd like you to meet my most trusted manservant, friend, and consultant,

Johnny Sackpants.

Been with me for 30 years.

Johnny, whiskey, please, gentlemen.

Please be seated.

Please sit down here.

How about we start with some, uh, five-card draw, $1,000 limit, three

raises?

Well, those stakes sound pretty steep, sir.

Mr. de Yarga says that it'll be fine with him.

Good, good, wonderful.

Well, permit me to have the honor of toasting your visit to our fair city here.

The honor of the first deal, sir, will go to you.

You know, Mr. Yarga, everything in this, uh, south of this great nation is indeed

an honor, and it is indeed an honor to extend the courtesy to two honorable and

distinguished gentlemen from the fine, fine nation of Europe.

Here's siree, five-card draw, a gentleman's poker game.

And I know Mr. de Yarga agrees with you, sir.

He says that it is his honor to be so honored by your hospitable generosity,

your honor.

Well, I am indeed honored.

Yeah.

Well...

Uh, excuse me, please, please.

Don't bother me, Johnny.

I got something coming my way here.

Uh, you've got all the cards in your hand.

I believe that's, uh, that's not correct, sir.

I mean, uh, you have all the...

Oh, Mr. de Yarga apologizes, sir.

He's used to the European custom on the first hand to hold all the cards if you're

dealing.

Ah, well, we'll call it a missed deal, I understand.

You are a gentleman of honor, I'm a gentleman of honor, and this was done with

honor.

You're a scholar of honor.

Now, wait just a minute, now.

I believe this belongs to me.

It's another custom, sir.

It's a trifle.

It's a custom.

Ah, another custom.

Custom.

Oh, well, I accept it with honor.

Yes, indeed.

You know, my great-grandfather, David Benoit, was involved in affairs in

France, but he, uh, he never actually, um, took me over there, but I do,

uh, accept...

Excuse me, you just looked at my cards, Mr. de Yarga.

Now, please, I'm afraid you can't do that.

You don't play dealer's look in this country?

Dealer's look?

Why, I don't believe I've ever heard of that.

Once again, sir, Mr. de Yarga apologizes and honors you with the taking of your

stakes in a show of good faith and honor.

The taking of my stakes, sir?

Ah, yes, the taking of the stakes.

It's an honor seldom bestowed even in the European capitals of your nation.

What?

Once at Buckingham Palace.

You know, sir, Mr. de Yarga genuinely respects you, Mr. Rousseau.

Hmm, well, yes, indeed.

Yes, indeed.

It's an honor to have you.

Mr. de Yarga says that he has never encouraged such graciousness and

hospitality as New Orleans hospitality, and that you, sir, are a true-blooded

gentleman of great honor, and he says that he will take more stakes in your honor,

sir.

Mr. Rousseau, this is ridiculous.

Never mind, Johnny, just get me some more stakes and two more whiskers.

Mr. Rousseau, man, he is busting your chops.

Hold it, hold it here.

Let's play a different game, all right?

Just for a little variety's sake.

Okay, we'll just call this a missed deal, shall we?

Mr. de Yarga wants to know if you will continue to give him the honor of the

first deal.

Why, certainly, certainly, I'd be quite pleased to.

Quite pleased to.

He thanks you once again, sir, and he honors you with the giving of the

stakes.

This is where he takes your stakes and he gives them to me, for which I am deeply

honored, sir, for your kind Southern hospitality, and I wish to thank you

myself, Mr. Rousseau.

Why, you're most welcome.

How about a little blackjack?

Maybe I can recoup a bit of my losses here.

21, 21, 21, 21.

Ah-ha-ha.

Begging your pardon, but I believe you're supposed to deal one down and one up.

Is this not the correct procedure?

Here, uh...

Mr. de Yarga apologizes once again, sir, for the mistakenly drinks to you with

both his own and with your drink.

Uh...

Why, I'm naturally honored, sir, naturally I'm honored.

Uh, excuse me there, but, uh, I think, uh, well, I...

Wait, wait a minute, that's Mr. Rousseau's pot there, you got it, isn't it?

Uh, yes, yes.

The blackjack?

Adding it up here?

Blackjack!

Yes!

Wait a minute, I had a blackjack there.

Sir.

Wait a minute, now you're getting Mr. Rousseau's pot.

Sir, sir, excuse me, in Europe, the expression blackjack means hit me,

give me another card.

Blackjack.

Of course, once again, Mr. de Yarga is deeply ashamed and humbled by

misunderstanding the New Orleans blackjack rules.

Well, I'm sure it was a misunderstanding with honor, and that's okay, we just...

With honor, call it an honor.

With honor, sir.

We'll call it a misdeal, and, uh, you can just give me back my stake there,

if you would, please, please.

Pardon me, please.

No, sir, sir.

Mr. Rousseau.

Please.

The Count de Yarga says that you are the most accommodating and hospitable

gentleman the world has ever known, sir, and that it would be the gravest

insult for you to take any money back from him.