The Watch

Where were we with this?

Throat's the city's best snitch.

But her information doesn't come cheap.

Vimes and Carcer. They grew up together.

30 kids used to sleep in here.

I was never a kid.

I had to take care of myself 'cause no one else would.

Took care of you, remember?

You're a werewolf.

Why don't you stay like this?

Because I'm not just this.

Do you have any idea how many thieves

rethink their choice of profession

after ten weeks of intensive nursing?

The key to controlling the dragon

is a talking sword called Wayne?

There are other artefacts.

We need all of them to control the dragon.

We must question the sword, Vimes.

You're talking about

controlling the Dragon yourself, sir?

Failure to comply

with my orders can only be fatal.

We want you to steal something.

A sword...

It's in the hands of a fool.

All you have to do

is take it from him.

Thought you'd snuffed it.

Are you measuring me?

It's for my mate, Dave The Re-animator.

He does dancing corpses for kids' parties.

I'm not a corpse.

Do look a bit peaky, though.

Is there any low you don't sink to?

I don't lock women in crates.

I am sorry about that.

Quite enjoyed it, actually.

See, that's what I love most about our city, Vimes.

Whatever happens, no matter how bad it is,

people will take it. Gangs, then guilds. Now a dragon.

It's not that they say "Yes," they just never say "No."

If Vetinari slaughtered half of 'em for looking at him funny,

the other half, they'd just...

Snap to it.

Sounds like you admire him.

He's a man of her word.

Is this on? No. No, keep painting.

Are you poor? Destitute?

Looking for your next opportunity be exploited?

Unseen University is delighted offer you

the chance of a brief but rewarding career

in Supernatural Disposal.

Write to me, The Archchancellor, Ethereal Way...

You sure you're feeling all right, Vimes?

'Cause what Dave does with them corpses is very tasteful.

All right, Wayne. We need answers.

I'm not saying shit without my solicitor.

Recognise this?

Yeah. Quite tricky without eyes.

How do these artefacts bring the Noble Dragon to heel?

Not entirely sure how I can hear, either.

We were told you used to dream about other artefacts.

I can see the logic of this is bullshit.

- Yeah, it doesn't make much sense. - Constable Carrot,

add "withholding information" to the charge sheet.

- You're gonna charge a sword? - A rusty sword, really?

Yesterday, he was the most talkative bladed weapon I've ever met.

- He's playing us. - He is a little rusty.

Been entombed for so long, the change in air temperature's making him tarnish.

- There you go. He's got it. - Thanks, Spike.

Get those test-tubes cleaned and then you can take the afternoon off, all right?

Good day to you, my Lord.

Thou restoreth me anew.

Is there anything you can tell us about the other artefacts?

My memory is becoming clearer by the second.

We're connected. Sometimes we dream about each other,

sometimes dragons, sometimes squid, you like squid?

Tell us how to find the other artefacts, now,

or I'll fetch my soldering iron...

What about the Sorcerer?

After he created the Grimoire, something changed him, didn't it?

Gave you all away. He hid you.

There was this one thing, didn't think much of it at the time.

The Sorcerer told someone to hide one of the others in, erm,

now, let me see, what was it? The dark.

In the dark.

- Is that it? - Why'd you say it twice?

So everyone remembers it later.

- Whoa, there. - Vimes.

This sword is a cryptic arsehole.

- Thank you. - You're coming with me.

Sir, we have orders to interrogate Wayne and...

New orders.

Tell us where you're going, Captain.

There's a lake where the Archchancellor dumps magical waste.

- So, you're dumping Wayne? - I'll do the dumping round here.

They used pay us street kids to cart rubbish out to it.

I like to dump.

It would dissolve as soon as it hit the water.

I was once known as the Duchess of Dump.

Any day, any night...

And Lord Vetinari wants this?

- He can tell us so much more. - And the dragon?

A wild animal no one can control

is better than a weapon in the wrong hands.

Is that Vetinari talking or you?

Wayne speaks, and he's alive, Sir.

- And we're not executioners. - Will you listen to me?

If I don't carry out this order, Vetinari will execute me.

So I'm doing this. Just me.

There is no "Just me."

Not any more. We're a team.

That is the deliberate desecration of a public building under...

Er...

Section 2 of the Criminal Damage Act, Sir.

Keep reading those law books, son.

Cheery, don't give up on that jigsaw puzzle.

Angua!

I'm promoting you to Captain.

Temporarily, sir.

And I want you all to find whoever's responsible

for insulting the dignity of the Watch House.

It's not an insult, Vimes. It means resist.

It's a sign that people are starting to believe,

that we, together, can make things better.

Look after them, Lady Ramkin.

Are we about to embark on an epic quest?

What's wrong with him?

You are my top earners. My best.

La Creme, no building you can't burgle.

Shifty? Get that hand out of my pocket, ya filth.

And of course, there's, erm...

- Brian. - Brian.

Brian. And you steal...

- Identities. - Of course. Right.

That's why I didn't now what to call... Brian today, is it?

What is power?

Fear.

Fear makes people remember you.

Respect you.

Accept the unthinkable.

You control what people fear...

You control them.

Yep, good speech.

So, me and my new squad here

have a way of making what stalks the skies above

into our B-I-T-C-H.

The Noble Dragon.

That's right...

Could you give us a minute, please?

Please, I'm right in the middle of something.

All you need to do

is steal this sword from The Watch.

Once we have it, we'll control the dragon.

And the city, is ours.

Dickhead.

My advice would be to look where you're going when you montage.

Only a mile outside the city and you've already fallen over?

Good walk, Vimes?

I...

Meant do that. Quickest way down.

I thought I told you to stay put.

Captain Angua told us to follow you, Sir.

- Said it might be dangerous. - Dangerous?

It's just wasteland. It's perfectly safe.

Are those gallows?

It's only a gate. Come back here, the pair of you.

Kind of busy for a wasteland, Captain.

These weren't here before.

Perfectly safe?

Looks like they ripped themselves apart.

It takes a lot to rip out your own spine.

What would make you want do something like that yourself?

We've all wanted pull off our own heads from time to time.

Now, I want you both to go back right now.

Listen, something's obviously different from when you were last here.

I still have to go through with it.

Are you sure, Vimes?

It's not just what you did. It's everything you're gonna do.

Okay. Okay.

But if there's any trouble, you get out. You go. Understand?

Captain? Wayne's a powerful magical artefact.

If we try dissolve him, there could be catastrophic consequences.

So we get clear when we get to the lake.

At least let me carry him for a while.

I can run some tests. Make sure it's safe.

You don't want blow us all up, do you?

Lake is five miles Hubwards.

This place...

They'll be back soon.

What's left to come back to when you've just sentenced a living creature to death?

- It's just a sword. - He's just a sword.

Why is the Captain so ready throw away

- everything we're trying to be? - And what are we trying to be, Carrot?

Better.

Sometimes things can't be helped.

There's no sometimes when it comes being a killer, Angua.

How do you know those words, "The dark in the dark?"

You can't dissolve me.