King of the Hill

Um, I'm getting a lot of interference on the bedroom TV.

What do you say you unplug your "Peggy's",

put down the classifieds and come on to bed?

Uh-uh.

As a former restaurant manager, I am accustomed to setting my own hours,

and, unfortunately, these are the hours I have set.

I know you miss running that restaurant...

Oh, it's not the restaurant I miss,

It's the people, Hank... managing people...

Telling them what to do and then watching as they do it.

Well, maybe you could ask the school

to let you substitute teach the first grade again.

Those kids usually do what you tell them.

That's just not enough anymore.

I am... "A natural-born leader

who can build business from zero to infinity.

Must be highly motivated self-starter, with own car."

My God. Hank, that's me.

-(line dialing) - Peggy, it's almost midnight.

You're gonna wake them up.

Oh, no... I am going to shake them up.

Who is it? - It is Peggy Hill.

Well, that's the whole pitch right there.

- Any questions? - Yes.

MetaLife... what is that?

- Products for living. - Mm-hmm...

Okay, those are useful...

And you sell them?

Yes, and I have a number of people who sell for me.

Oh. So, you would consider what you do sales or management?

Uh, a little bit of management, mostly sales.

Yes! Management! Thank you.

Laney, I hope you don't mind me asking, but that pin,

it is spectacular.

Oh, thank you.

So were my February sales figures.

I hit $10,000,

which got me in the MetaLife Double Diamond Club.

Peggy, if you want to be your own boss come and work for me.

Hey, mail guy!

I'll take it.

Sign here please.

You got a package, Peggy. I signed for it.

But I was home, Bill.

I know. I didn't want you to be bothered.

So, what are you doing?

Put the package down.

You want to go for a walk?

Go back to your house.

Okay... let's see.

These are the MetaLife shakes...

And here are the vitamins...

And these are...

40-40-20 MetaBars.

That is, uh... oh, percents.

So, uh, you're going to sell these, are you?

Well, these things sell themselves... 18 dollars, Bobby...

which will make it very easy for the team of sales people working beneath me.

Well, it sounds to me like one of those pyramid schemes.

No, not at all.

As the brochure describes it,

it is not a "pyramid", it is a "triangle"...

and it is not a "scheme," Hank, it is an "opportunity."

Good question, though.

This doesn't taste like raspberry truffle at all.

Well, then, honey, you're eating it wrong. Put it down.

All right, come on. Let's get to it.

Hank, you will sell at work... you're assistant manager.

I would think they would have to buy from you...

and, Luanne, you will sell at college.

You must have made a whole bunch of new friends that you can pressure.

Well... it's, uh...

probably about time I apologized for my misguided Y2K hysteria.

Who would have guessed the whole thing would go off

without a hitch?

Really brought the country together.

Yep, best thing that ever could happen, Y2K.

Hey, Dale, energy bar?

- I'm going the other way, thanks. -(can hisses)

Boomhauer, how are you?

Protein shake?

No way, man. I'm talking about all I need

is a dang ol' chopped beef in a blender... some eggs, man.

I'm talking about a body by Boomhauer.

Uh, Dale? Protein shake?

Uh... My tummy wouldn't mind a little something.

Let me take a peek at your wares.

- What's that? - Those are vitamins.

- What's that? - Protein shake.

Mm-hmm.

- What's that? - That's also a protein shake.

Oh. What can I get for a quarter?

A soda, 20 years ago.

Oh, great. What you want?

Hello, neighbor. How are you today?

Hey, those that MetaVitamins?

You in that racket?

- Okay, I buy from you. - You will?

Yeah.

You wait here. I'll get my wallet.

Oh!

-(knocking) Aah!

Okay, my people,

I call to order the very first meeting of my international sales force.

So, before we start, any fun sales stories?

Huh?

Anything at all?

Okay. Well, it's been a week, and at this time,

I would like to please see your order sheets.

Uh, here you go, Peggy.

One sale?

I can't sell at the office.

It's a propane place.

I need to keep that pure.

Luanne, I did not get your sheet.

I didn't do one.

Oh, but I did give away all my samples.

What "samples"? Those weren't samples.

My God, what am I running?

You think one sale between the three of us is going to keep this company going?

I am going to have to let one of you go.

Luanne, I'm sorry.

Uh, Peggy, Luanne's young.

She's got a great future ahead of her.

Fire me. Send her a message.

I will fire you if your sales figures don't improve.

-(doorbell rings) - Now, put on your button,

go to the airport and move some product.

What?

You got another package. I signed for it.

Mm-hmm. Where is it?

Well, like I said, I signed for it, and I was carrying it up your path,

then I got to thinking...

- You ate my bars? - No! I, I sold them, on the base...

All of them, even the raspberry truffles.

I'm sorry.

Bill...

I'm going to use you.

Okay.

-(groans) - Peggy, may I say what an honor it is...

Have you heard of a quota system?

-(groans) - Now, I give you

a certain number of sales that you have to make by the end of the month.

So, we'll say this first month's quota is...

oh, I don't know... $10,000.

What? No, no, that's a lot of sales, Peggy.

Well, I thought as much.

I'll, I'll do it. I, I can do it.

Then, this conversation is over.

Sergeant, where's that ta-ta issue of Sports Illustrated?

I don't know, sir, but if I were you,

I wouldn't be worried about a magazine, no.

I'd worry about, uh...

- Oh... nothing. - What?

General, the following statement has not been evaluated by the FDA.

But the MetaLife protein bar

can regrow hair.

Energy bar!

Get your protein shake!

Here you go, sir. There, that's right.

Yeah, it's chocolate, I think.

Ten thousand dollars in his first month?

That William Dauterive is quite a find.

Well, thank you. I molded him... motivated him.

You know how it is.

Is he excited about the San Antonio conference?

Are you kidding? Am I excited?

I cannot wait to go.

Oh, it, it's just for the salesman himself, Peggy,

just the Double Diamond sellers and a guest.

Your own numbers were... quite small.

Well, Laney, my sales are low

because of my management responsibilities...

You know, uh, meeting with my supplier and...

Well, I am your supplier and meeting with me is, is, like, ten minutes.

But it is a 15-minute drive, and I was 20 minutes late.

-(doorbell rings) -(groans)

Peggy! If I knew you were coming, I would've put on pants.

- Can you give me a minute? - Bill, it's okay.

I have something important to tell you.

Now, because you met your quota...

You have won a trip

to the MetaLife State Sales Conference in San Antonio.