In Treatment

- I told you. - Told me what?

That you'd be sorry you ever encouraged me to cry here.

I'm not sorry at all.

- Didn't expect it to be like this, I bet. - Like what?

You know what? It's disappointing.

I thought I'd feel better, relieved.

- Thought it'd be a lot more fun. - And it isn't?

No, it's horrible.

I don't know if I'm gonna be able to talk today, Paul.

I shouldn't have come, I should have just...

I should have just called it off. I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

- Yeah. - Sit down. Sit.

I've been sitting out in the park for about four hours.

- Here? - Yeah.

I wanted to call it off, the session, but...

I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it home alone.

I took a cab here. My car's at home.

God, at least I think it is.

Yeah, yeah, my car's at home.

God, it's freezing. I came this close to knocking on your door and asking for a sweater.

- When was that? - I don't know, maybe five or six.

I can't remember. It was still dark.

Waited for the sun to come up.

I never waited this long for a sunrise,

except maybe on a camping trip in fifth grade.

Thank you.

- You know what I did? - What?

I held my cellphone and I watched the minutes go by.

It felt like forever for one minute to turn into the next.

I thought to myself, "How stupid is this?

"Dying on a street like roadkill outside your therapist's office."

I'm sorry, Paul, I...

I should have called it off. I shouldn't have come.

You should have come here.

What happened last night?

Well, what didn't happen?

Want the long version or the bottom line?

Because the bottom line's very simple.

My life is over.

Then you'd better tell me the long version.

I left Andrew. We had a big blowout -

screaming, crying, the works.

Then at some point, I called Ilona,

and we went out for a drink, and...

we had a few drinks.

Listen, I'm not here. I'm so totally not here.

You are very much here, Laura.

No, it's not me that's here.

Believe me, you'd be shocked to know the person that's sitting here.

Did some...

I did some terrible things last night.

I feel sick.

I don't wanna throw up.

- Doesn't matter, it's no big deal. - What do you mean?

It's vomit. I'm not gonna vomit all over your rug.

It's a cheap rug, Laura.

Let's talk about what's really going on here.

Hm?

It's Andrew. He knows I'm here at this time. Why is he calling me here?

Maybe he's worried. You were out all night.

Yeah, right. If he really cared, he wouldn't have started with this shit.

Start what?

At the club with this guy...

Oh, my God.

He had corduroy pants on,

preppy sweater.

Republican probably.

Can I just step out for a second and let him know I'm here?

I can't concentrate with this shit.

- Just a sec. - Laura, the call can wait.

Andrew gave me an ultimatum.

Either we get married or we split.

Said he wants an answer in a day or two at the most, or else he's out.

Said he can't take it any more.

That he loves me, that he doesn't believe I love him, not for real.

That it's been two years already, on and off, blah, blah, blah.

I don't know why. All of a sudden, he just started ranting and raving.

We've talked about this stuff before,

but it was all in theory - if we stayed together, if.

And suddenly out of the blue,

I can't even remember what we were doing...

We were watching TV.

All of a sudden he just gets off the couch, grabs the remote and turns off the TV,

and he turns to me and he has tears in his eyes and he says,

"That's it, I can't take it any more."

So out of line. He promised he'd lay off the subject for a while.

And all of a sudden he's on this crying bullshit.

He actually burst out crying. I've never seen him like that before.

And to tell you the truth it really scared me.

- No, it made me angry. - Why?

He's trying to manipulate me with these cheap chick tricks.

Maybe he thought he would break my heart or something.

Or appeal to my...

Shit, you know, forget it, I don't know.

I threw a tantrum like a three-year-old.

I screamed, cried...

told him to fuck off...

told him he was a little piece of shit for doing this to me

when he knows I'm working double shifts at the hospital this week.

I slammed the door, smashed his laptop on the floor, I killed it,

I ran out and I called Ilona.

She dressed me in this outfit.

It's, it's not mine.

We went out for a drink at a club that she likes on Chester Street.

She tried to calm me down, put things into perspective.

And she said...

She said that I was lucky...

that she wished somebody had loved her enough to give her an ultimatum.

And then we drank. Well, I drank.

And there's this guy at the bar,

and at some point Ilona said that she was tired and that she needed to go home.

And then that guy...

moved next to me, and, erm...

You know what he said?

He said, "You look so sad."

And I said, "Really?"

And he said, "Yeah, you do. It looks good on you."

"Looks good on you."

Whatever happened to, "Do you have the time?" or, "Haven't we met before?"

I must be totally out of touch, Paul.

What do you think? I mean, do I look good when I'm sad?

I don't think anybody looks good when they're sad.

And then, er,

I don't know how much I had to drink cos he was ordering for me, of course,

and then he paid the bill and he asked me, "Would you like to go somewhere else?"

And I said, "Yes, I'd like to go to the bathroom."

So I stood up and I went to the bathroom,

he follows me.

And you wouldn't believe it but these were unisex bathrooms.

Am I unlucky or what?

How do you mean, unlucky?

Well, I'm running away from a guy and I'm...

You were trying to get away from the guy.

I mean, I needed to pee, by myself,

I've been doing that since I was three.

So I realise I needed to make a decision.

By following me to the bathroom, this guy was also giving me an ultimatum.

I thought, "Fuck, out of the pan and into the fire." I ran away from one ultimatum,

and there was this guy with a hard on giving me another.

Suddenly I felt like doing it.

I never had sex in a bathroom before.

I mean, what, I should go and marry Andrew

without ever knowing what a good bathroom fuck's all about?

It's part of a young lady's education, isn't it?

So you wanted to do it

but not to get back at Andrew, just for yourself?

That's right.

A girl being forced into marriage...

what's she supposed to do, die ignorant?

So this guy follows me into the stall and...

suddenly...

I was horny.

- Is hearing about this disgusting to you? - No. It's not disgusting.

Go on.

He unzipped, pulled down his pants,

and he stood there with this...

huge...

Oh, God, I felt like I was 16...

touching it for the very first time.

I was really surprised at how...

warm it felt.

I mean, don't I know that already?

And then he turned me round to face the door...

and he pulled down my stockings.

He lifted up my skirt,

put his hand into his back pocket and pulled out a condom.

I realise this guy's very good at this, he does this a lot, he's a real pro.

And then this guy entered the stall next to us

and started peeing,

and gushes full volume like a racehorse.

And I thought of Andrew...

how... how he pees in the morning,

making the same sound.

My heart ached, I just...

It was so stupid, you know, I just felt so sad all of a sudden,

and then he's behind me and he's rubbing up against me