black-ish

Dre: Moms... They're amazing.

They're the closest thing

we have in real life to superheroes.

I mean, they may not be able to fly or lift cars,

but they have other superpowers...

like being able to make dinner

out of the only available ingredients.

Here you go, baby.

Mama made you some macaroni, Spam, and grape jelly.

Yay!

Another mom superpower...

They don't get sick,

no matter how much they care for sick kids.

Is that sweet boy stuffed up?

Come here and let Mama suck that junk

out of that baby nose.

And Bow has the same "never gets sick" superpower,

just without the same loving touch.

Mom, I don't feel good.

You do feel warm.

Maybe like a 99.8.

Push fluids.

Take Tylenol... three, not four.

Four will kill you. Two's not enough.

Four will kill me?

And two's not enough. Aspirin's weird.

Get some rest.

That's it?

Yeah. That or die.

You're fine. Go to work.

But I don't want to.

Go!

But every once in a while, even Superman goes down.

I got something, and it's bad.

Mom, are you okay?

Oh, I'm so sorry, Ruby.

I threw up twice,

and I haven't even eaten any of your cooking.

Aw, did I say I was sorry?

I meant I hope it's something exotic and terminal.

Bow.

I'm gonna get you when I'm well, Rainbow.

Mm-hmm.

Dre, come help your mama!

Do not move.

Okay, my mom is sick. That never happens.

What are we gonna do?

I think we should quarantine her.

Oh! I know where.

At her own house, where she's supposed to live.

Seriously, Bow, this is bad, all right?

It has to be a superbug if it took her down.

Oh, God.

It's gonna run through the whole family.

We're toast. I-I got to live, Bow!

Somebody's got to tell our story!

You need to calm down.

Oh, I am calm. I just can't get sick, Bow.

I carry this household.

I'm sorry. You carry this household?

I am the big dog.

I can't get sick either, Big Dog.

Parker and Danny are supposed to fight over me,

and if I'm not at school tomorrow, they might not fight.

I mean, people could think I'm not worth fighting over.

Oh, my God.

I need to make them fight tonight.

Bow, we got to get the rest of the kids in here

so I can spray them down.

Dre, you cannot spray the kids with bleach.

It's diluted.

It's basically just bleachy water.

You know what? Let me go handle this.

- Ruby! - Huh?

Can you remember what you've been doing

for the last 72 hours?

You sound like that cop when Earl's boat blew up.

I'm trying to figure out what you have.

Think. Think, Ruby.

I know that Friday... Uh-huh.

It was the church beefsteak dinner.

And then Saturday was the church crab boil.

And today was Hot Dog Day.

It's flu season, and you decided to hit up

a trifecta of communal hand-eating gatherings?

Rainbow, what do you got against the church raising money

for the pastor's legal-defense fund?

Mom? I don't feel good.

Rainbow: Aw.

Oh, God. It's happening.

Okay. I'm ready. I'm ready.

Sweetheart, have you been around

your grandmother this weekend?

No.

Ooh, meat!

Ooh, crab!

Ooh, hot dogs!

And butter!

It's like a... whew... 101.3.

You definitely have something.

All right, go upstairs and put on your PJs, okay?

I'll be up there in two seconds.

It is happening.

Contagion is here,

and it's gonna get me, and it's gonna get us!

- Oh! - I'm sorry.

- Oh, are you kidding me? - I'm sorry!

I got to live!

I got to live!

Morning, Dre.

Mm, Oprah.

So, Stedman gonna work the camera, right?

Dre.

Hey, yeah. You're in early.

Whoa, whoa.

You, uh... You coming down with something?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You know, there's some stuff going around,

but, you know, I'm... I'm okay.

Good.

It is not a great time to be getting sick... No.

With all this uncertainty going around.

That is why I am not sick.

Wow. You look sick as

I am here in perfectly good health

to crush it and remind you

why I am so valuable to this company.

You're shaking.

It's just allergies.

You know, flowers, grass, shellfish.

Ugh, I ate a seafood tower for breakfast this morning.

So stupid.

And now I'm paying for...

Okay, Josh, seriously, you need to go home right now.

No!

I am so fine!

Come on. What are we working on?

Let's get her done. Let's go!

Oh, God.

I got to live! I got to live!

Get out! Get out!

Okay!

I'm sorry!

This job is all I have!

That is one green white dude.

He's sick and he won't even admit it.

I don't get sick.

My grandmother taught me an old-school remedy.

Put some fish guts and vinegar in an old mayonnaise jar.

Let it sit outside in the sun for a couple days.

One shot of that and, boom, you're all good.

Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry, but that is so backward.

You got to be cutting-edge.

In fact, right now, as a preventative,

I just poured myself this delicious cup

of tiger-penis tea.

Tiger what?

Oh, there's no actual penis in it.

I mean, that would be crazy.

No, no, no.

It's the fluid that they extract

when the tiger is fully aroused.

Some poor bastard has to get to third base

with the tiger before they can extract it.

So, it's the fluid of a fully aroused tiger.

Why don't you think about what that is?

Yeah.

It's tea.

Yeah. Okay.

Well, I'm not gonna be drinking any fish guts from a jar

or tiger-penis tea, all right?

I'm just gonna keep my kids from making me sick.

I can't be around any sick kids.

The minute Eustace show any cold or flu symptoms,

I make him stay with his mother.

'Course I live between a paint factory

and a sewage-treatment plant,

so that coughing and runny nose could be from something else.

I don't see Eustace often.

FaceTime is our quality time.

Rainbow.

Rainbow!

I'm right here.

You knew that.

I'm delirious. I can only yell.

- I blame this on you, Rainbow! - What?

You probably brought some old demon parasite home

from that old raggedy hospital.

No.

This is your fault and your dirty church meat.

How many people touched that stuff, huh?

It's called fellowship.

- Yeah, okay. - You wouldn't understand.

No! But I'm gonna be taken away from all of that now.

I'm going to meet my maker.

You're not gonna die.

How can you be so sure?

Because nothing ever works out for me.

Are you guys gonna come in?