Fun Size Horror: Volume One

Blow out your candles, sweetie.

Can I open presents now, mommy?

Sweetie, what do we say?

Please?

All right.

Actually, Britney and Bella and I

sort of have a special gift for Sophia, if that's okay?

It's fantastic.

I love surprises.

-Do you wanna go get it? -Yeah, excuse me.

Sophia, honey, what do you say to Bella and Britney

for getting you a surprise?

Thank you!

You're welcome.

Mommy!

I'm sorry, will you take her away?

She's terrified.

It's okay, it's okay, sweetie. She's gone away.

I am so sorry.

No, it's fine. She's just sensitive.

What do you think daddy?

Think it's time for our gift now?

Yeah, that's a good idea. You hold Winston for a sec?

Yeah.

Sophia, look what I got for you.

Look at this.

It's so... big.

Open it up.

A puppy!

-Okay! -He's perfect.

He's so cute!

Is he all mine, daddy?

Yeah, he sure is.

Your mommy and I thought that we should get Winston

a companion for his last few years with us,

you know, make him feel young again.

Well, I better not be the one cleaning up after him.

I'll help you.

You said that the last time.

Can Winston meet the new puppy?

Yeah, sure.

Hold on, let me get my camera.

Okay, honey, be careful. -Hi, Winston!

What have I got for you?

You got a friend.

Aw.

See? He likes him, daddy.

Aw.

Do it again!

I got blood in my hair!

I got blood in my eyes!

-Do we have any... -Woman: Flashlights?

I come prepared.

Yeah.

There's plenty of space up here for storage.

Moving boxes, your hideous couch...

I know, we'll make it your bedroom.

Ha-ha.

Looky here.

It's locked.

20 bucks says it's full of old porn.

Let me see.

MacGyver taught me this.

Right.

-Creepy. -Cool.

Hello?

Brian?

Hey where you guys do wanna put these chairs?

Why did we ask him to help?

We didn't. He volunteered.

Dude, turn on the lights!

God.

New house.

New roommate.

New adventures.

Cheers.

Thanks, Brian, for lifting all the heavy stuff.

Of course.

Well, back to unpacking.

Yay.

So...

What's the plan?

Well, my closet's smaller now.

Only problem with this house.

So I'm gonna pick out some shoes to give away.

I'm only gonna cry a little.

No, I mean what's the plan for tonight?

Are we doing anything?

Celebrating or anything?

No, I think we're just gonna unpack, get settled.

Cool.

What the...

Raccoon.

You know, you should probably get somebody on the...

First night's adventure! Hey, Kristen!

Um, actually...

I was gonna say you should call an exterminator, but I mean...

Kristen?

Well, she'll miss all the fun.

I can go up first.

I ain't afraid of no raccoons.

Yeah, 'cause rabies is all the rage nowadays.

God, Kristen.

You scared me.

Dude, the lights!

God.

Guys?

Is this a joke?

Kristen?

Bertrand, my good fellow.

Can I invite you round for some tea?

Perhaps a scone?

No, I'm sorry, old chap,

but I dined not an hour hence.

I ate at that the new cultist delicatessen

over on innsmouth terrace.

I've seen the place.

How fares the cuisine?

Fine, fine.

But the eggs were a strange lot...

The size of my fist, leathery,

and constantly shifting in iridescent color.

Well, that's like no egg I've ever seen,

and I'm an egg-ologist.

They've left my stomach in somewhat of a tizzy.

I don't feel too well at all.

No!

-No! -Yes!

-No! -Yes!

-No! -Yes!

Hello?!

Help!

Please!

-Time? -15 minutes 22 seconds.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the young Philly daystar with a run of 15:22

has taken the lead in her heat.

In second place overall.

-15:22 did you say? -Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, 15 minutes 22 seconds

is only 36 seconds under the absolute best run

for a first-time competitor in this event.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you look to the competitor

in the right it looks like spectacular bid

is making his move.

Let's hope he makes it under the gun.

Wonderful job, my darling.

You did an excellent run for a first timer

and especially for your weight class.

You completed my... Completely

and gave me a pretty bunny, I don't mind telling you.

Go on, there you go.

There you go.

I just can't wait to see what you do in round two.

I don't have all day.

I've got a lot of other deliveries to get to,

and you're holding me up.

Can you please just sign this so I can leave?

Here's a pen, here's the page.

Just sign it at the "x."

Hey, sorry, long day.

Can either of you sign this? Anyone?

What's this?

Mom's stuff. There's so much.

-Your mom's stuff? -You kidding me?

Please just sign this. Are you even listening to me?

Are you gonna leave all the stuff here?

It's a delivery. I delivered it. Here it is.

Okay, I got it.

Let us help you.

Come on. Let's get this sorted.

Holger.

Are you okay?

Did you just say my name?

What?

It sounded like you just said my name right next to me.

Sorry.

It's okay. Thank you.

Okay. Let's keep moving.

Weird.

-It sounded like you were right next to me. Laura.

Christy?

Did you just say my name?

Laura, Laura come here.

Laura, it's okay.

Okay, it's nothing.

How rude.

After everything today,

the ghost doesn't even say my name.

That's what I was about to say.

It wasn't just that it said my name, it...

-It sounded just like you. -Exactly like you.

-And you wanted me to. -I didn't say anything.

The building lights must be messed up again.

I'm gonna go.

Let's play.

Hey guys, where's Ella?

We should look for her.

Is he serious?

This is insane.