Ed's Eaten Elevenses (Ede megevé ebédem)

Cinema-Film Gabor Garami and RTL Klub present

Hi, Kepi!

- Don't harm the elephant. - And he won't harm you.

- Try not to tread on him. - He's God's beast too.

Well, that was great! Enjoy your meal!

"Thank you"!

People normally say something. Don't they, Zoli?

Girls! Shouldn't we announce the title of the film?

- Ed's Eaten the Elevenses. - What?

- Ed's Eaten the Elevenses. - That's crazy.

- How come? - Here it is... All the food is here in front of you.

- Who is this "Ed"? - Oh, dear...

- That's the title of the film. - Right.

- Well then we're acting in it. - Playing a leading role, boss!

Oh! Well that's different.

Starring

ED'S EATEN THE ELEVENSES

Afilm by Miklos Jancso

Pitchforks guard the village safely, Still the cholera struck them early.

Not the lords and not the clergy, Just the peasant folk, poor dears.

Heigh-ho we'll drink to that,

In truth the grave will soon be ours,

Apeaceful haven for ourweary souls.

- Peter, "dictums"? - Dictums?

- D'you know what they are? - Naturally, well... it's when...

those... dictums which...

Peter! Do you like being an idiot?

Dictum - Latin origin,

a short phrase that expresses a general rule of truth.

- Exactly! - Move up a bit.

Fortunately one's never old enough to go completely loose one's mind.

Nasty people even get down to breakfast with competence.

Man is an intelligent being but men aren't proved to be.

Too many Eskimos have too many pricks.

The only way to survive swimming with sharks is by having more teeth.

If you see a man on his back, jump on him before he can get up.

You inevitably become what others believe you are.

There's nothing more embarrassing than being loved by idiots.

Bugs aren't a creation of God.

I think I'm still too young to be decent.

No one's memory is good enough to become a successful liar.

He's as bitter as a starving sparrow on frozen horse dung.

There are rats who flee aboard sinking ships.

This country is so poor it couldn't take a genius in command.

The greatest disaster that can hit a nation is to have

its sense of judgement destroyed.

There's no law to prescribe that you must act like scum.

You can plough the back of a Hungarian

provided the plough's red, white and green.

No pig's trotter is kosher!

I'm free from all prejudice. I loathe everyone equally.

I'm inquisitive and mean. I'd make a good journalist.

Lame liars are easier to catch.

Get rich fast and lose your innocence.

I'm a one-man, homeless ethnic group.

Do you know what my thoughts are, sir?

Don't tell me you have thoughts too!

- Could you come here. - Shall we begin?

- I'll take you with this. - Well, I never!

Lt'll be a still. Not moving but still.

You have to sit there motionless...

Great, we can sit down! Here?

- I'll sit down and you - Thank you.

- Get down to it. - It will take at least forty seconds.

- Stop prattling and get on with it. - Motionless.

- No chatting. - Keep smiling, no chatting, keep smiling. Thank you.

Look how beautiful! It looks great.

Co... come back a bit!

Hey! What's... what's this?

- ATV. - Not that. But... why's it moving?

- They are waves. Can't you see? - Oh, yeah! I love bathing...

Why are you so smelly then?

Hey... hey, who made this? I... I really like it.

I made it in the aqua park in Tapioszecso.

Seriously? Fantastic.

There goes a pike! Atricky one. Can you dive?

No. Just leapfrog.

Great! You... you know everything. Can I ask you something?

Hang on, I have a question! Do you get this?

Chinese subtitles and English chatter! I don't understand a word!

- They're international languages. - Inter-rational, I don't get them.

Start mugging up on languages. Look!

- Who's that geezer over there? - That's Mr. Kovacs! The tinsmith.

- Look at that bastard... - What?

Not him. It's the coach who's the bastard. He's sending him back.

This is just like... these two are exactly like us.

A mean bastard of a coach. Look... he keeps...

- And the Chinese man with the moustache... - Yes...

Well I never... did you see that?

And... and look, again!

- Watch, three times! He deserves it. - Like the boy in the folktale.

Well, what's this? Something symbolic most probably...

Springtime breezes carry water,

Dear one, my dear one.

Every bird shall chose a partner,

Dear one, my dear one.

Who shall be my chosen partner,

Dear one, my dear one?

You'll be mine and I'll be yours,

Dear one, my dear one.

- Zoli, can I ask something this once? - If you must, Peter.

What is this swimming pool theme? Does it have a special meaning?

Does everything need to have a have a meaning?

- Incredible the way he butts in. - Peter, he's got one leg!

So?

Are you blind? I said: He's swimming with one leg.

And... and... then what?

He's swimming with one leg, Peter!

Okay, that's all he's got. So? Does it have a special meaning?

Oh dear, Peter. It means he's swimming with one leg.

Think.

THE SKY'S BLUE

I haven't told you the title: "Geza, the Sky's Blue".

But I won't explain the title to you now.

- Why not? - Because I'm dictating.

Get your pencils ready - I'm going to dictate.

Listen carefully. I won't repeat anything.

Romulus.

One "I".

Numa Pompilius. Two words, caps at the beginning.

Tullus Hostilius.

Ancus Martius. A "t" in the second word.

Tarquinius Priscus. A "q" in Tarquinius, a "c" in Priscus.

Servius Tullius.

Tarquinius Superbus.

If you had problems with spelling look at your neighbour's.

I'll give you half an hour to learn it.

Why?

Because I say so. Do you know what that means?

Because! Beg your pardon?

What are they?

Names.

Whose names are they? Oh... You'd like to know, would you?

Me too. And now for some music. Right, Mr. Jancso?

Go ahead!

The River Danube flows quietly,

Fantastic! Fantastic!

You should behave politely,

Anyone treating you indecently

Will be beaten by the teacher!

My fiance and her father. My father-in-law.

Father!

Anyone treating you indecently

Will be beaten by the teacher!

Come!

- What are you doing here? - I was born here.

Dear Miss, please allow me to introduce myself: I'm Boldizsar.

You know like the three kings: Gaspar, Melchior and Balthazar!

Girls, the ship's marching song!

I hate even to think of the seagulls in the sky!

They only shit on the deck When the deck is clean and dry!

Hollari, hollari ho...

- Well, well, the new millionaire! Take a seat. - Millionaire?

Yes, yes he's married into money.

Oh, that's why the doll was so familiar.

The daughter of prince Csaba! Listen, you lucky bastard, listen,

Aflotilla on the Danube's big business!

Then comes the Adriatic. "Take to the sea, Hungarians!" shouted Szechenyi.

- The greatest Hungarian. - Wasn't that Kossuth?

Forget him! Is he your friend or am I?

My dear Peter! You've reached the haven of your dreams.

How much is he giving you with his daughter? Fifteen, twenty?

Twenty mil? That's zilch in Vienna! Zilch!

Go to hell!

Practise walking on the water. Go away, I said!

He's giving you twenty, twenty greenbacks, isn't he?

- Twenty million? - Incredible...

Dollars?

That's a hell of a lot... What can you do with so much?

- My friend wants to make a movie. - How do you know, Kapa?

- Stop kidding, Peter- I know everything.

- But I... - No buts!

You want to make a movie, don't you? Come here!

I know everything: You want to make a movie.

The idea came from Count Szechenyi's diary, eh?

The diary of the greatest Hungarian.

Do you take me for an idiot, hm?

"March 5th 1821.

Visited Bruder in Godollo... " Bruder? Stop wriggling!

Let's talk it over then.

Bruder wanted to make a cast of the decapitated head of Beleznay.

In the night his huntsman went to the gallows,

dug up the head and took it to the hangman's house.

Can you follow? Terrific.

He took a good look at the head and washed it.

Beleznay wasn't shaved so it was impossible to cast him.

The huntsman is about to start shaving him

when there's a knock at the door.

It's the mother of the dead man She wants to steal his head...

to steal the body, but can't find the head...

Peter! Peter!

For fuck's sake!

I can't believe it!

Now tell me, Dear Audience, what you think.

Ajerk or what? And I was only at the beginning of the film.

The very beginning and there you go. Peter, stop kidding!

Get up, sit up!

What's wrong with you? Are you insane? Why do you do this?

Kapa, how did you... how do you... know everything?

- I haven't told anyone about it. - Peter, I always know everything.