SMILF

- Are you gonna cum, babe? - Yeah.

- - Yeah.

- You didn't cum again. - Yeah, I did.

No, you didn't.

I did.

No, you didn't.

Uh, stop, stop.

St... stop.

I haven't showered.

I don't care.

- Tastes good to me. -

Close your eyes.

Rafi, stop.

No, Rafi, stop, stop. I keep thinking about my Mom.

I just... I can't do this.

You're thinking about your Mom?

She's not coming until the afternoon, babe. Relax.

Just stop thinking about your Mom.

- I don't... -

- Stay. Oh... -

This is a legit bachelor party. You outdid yourself.

- It's coming together. - How much you pay?

What? No, I use... used Ally's credit card.

- What? - Hang on.

Let me turn the music down.

I said I used Ally's credit card,

but I am going to pay her back.

Taking the rich people's money.

- No. - That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

I really gotta give it back to her.

This is becoming a problem.

Yeah, I see. What else you get, then?

Um, I got pussy stuff.

This is comedy. Pussy straws.

I also got a stripper coming from Groupon.

- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - Mm-hmm.

You sure about the stripper, though?

What? Rafi loves strippers.

- His Mom was a stripper. - Exactly. Stripper, alcohol...

- I don't know. - You know what? Actually,

We should probably order her before it gets too late.

I need your help, 'cause we can customize her.

- Okay. - Get a blonde.

"Get a blonde"? No. A blonde's so boring.

- Yuck. Gross. - You're a hater.

No. Nelson's a blonde.

We gotta get a girl he could never get.

What he can't get?

There's a lot of girls he couldn't get.

Like a girl from Long Island

who had One Direction play at her bat mitzvah.

Couldn't get her.

A Scottish lady who's into Highland dancing.

- Hmm? - A Native American

who's never been off the res.

- I could keep going. - That's mad specific.

Is that even an option?

No, but you can pick a hair color.

"Blonde, black, red, bald, 'fro."

- Red. - Red.

Okay. Breasts.

- I like Bs. - I like Cs.

- What about Ds? - Ds is cool.

- What about double Ds? - Double Ds!

Fs!

- F is the wave. - F would be wild.

- Let's get the wild. - Okay. F.

Oh, no. F is extra.

Oh. Get the Ds.

Get the Ds. On it!

"Searching."

- - "Ember"!

"An Ember to remember."

She knows when to hold 'em. She knows when to fold 'em,

"She knows when to sit on your dick."

- That's a great brand. - Great brand.

Order her.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

- - Shit.

Oof.

- Hi! - Come in, come in, come in.

Hello. Hi, beauty.

Hi. Oh, my God.

Winnie, you look so different.

Can you move back a bit, please?

My personal space bubble's quite large.

But you're not anymore.

Doesn't she look amazing?

Mm-hmm. Hey, who wants some wine?

I do. What's the Wi-Fi?

Oh, um, it's #blessed,

smiley face, smiley face.

- What do you think? - I like it.

- Of the house? - But as you get older,

you realize that less is more, you know?

Uh-huh.

- I almost died. - Yes, she did.

But there's always a silver lining to every story.

My kidneys nearly completely shut down.

Yeah, but look what you got out of it.

You dropped 30 pounds.

I had to wear diapers for a month,

which actually, I quite liked.

I never had to get up to go to the bathroom.

Thank you.

So Dad's not... Dad's not coming in?

Maybe I should start a line of adult diapers.

But not for old people. For, like, cool young adults.

Black for evening.

Dad is not coming

because he doesn't wanna see you in your dress

before the big day.

That's the groom, Mum.

Would you shut up, Winnie?

Ew. That's so gross.

Wait, will you rub my feet?

So catch up. Tell me about Bali.

Oh, my God. I met this guru, Ravana Shiva.

Oh, he's amazing. He's a spiritual healer.

- Yeah? - He opened me up completely.

I mean, I was really stuck before.

Like, he massaged my eyes for, like, 20 minutes,

and if he just touched my hair,

I would have an orgasm.

I would be laying on the table and just, like,

shaking with this full-body vibration.

He would just... he could... he sucked my toes.

It was amazing. It was so freeing.

Oh, God.

- It's hot. - Yes, it is!

- It's effin' hot. - I know.

Maybe you shouldn't wear a sweater on your neck.

- Come on. What are you doing? - I'm just saying.

- No, what are you doing? - This is a will packet.

- I got it at the post office. - Oh, God.

It's always so effing depressing when I come in here.

What's depressing about a will packet?

Every time I come in here, somebody's dead

or somebody's taking their meds

or somebody's asleep on the couch.

Well, jeez, I'm sorry that Joe died

when it wasn't your timetable.

No, come on. You don't have to do all this, Coll.

I'm doing it. I'm doing it. And besides, it said right here

that maybe I've got a good five or ten more years in me

- and that's it. That's it. - Oh, Coll! Who said that?

- A computer said... - They said it right there

- on the computer. - That's a computer program!

So that's it. I'm staying here. I am not moving, all right?

And I'm going upstairs to take a shower.

I'm so hot.

You have psoriasis?

Five to ten years left!

Gross.

So you'd go to Hawaii to go get a kombucha?

Why don't you just go to Puerto Rico

and do, like, the ayahuasca shit?

My cousin does it all the time...

Okay, guys! He-he's here. Hide, hide, hide.

Quick, quick. Before he comes in.

Come on, come on.

Yo, Carlos.

Yo, 'Los!

Surprise!

Ay! Whoa!