The Mindy Project

Oh! Hold the door, please!

Can you hold the door?

Oh, I assumed the elevator was empty

because I nearly snapped my arm in half.

- I don't get the whole holding the door thing.

It rewards lateness.

Should a runner losing the Olympics be like,

"Hey guys, wait up"?

- Yeah, if getting to another floor of a building

was a competition. Not a good analogy.

- I didn't mean to start a whole conversation here.

- Oh, because you're used to people just shutting up

after you say rude things to them?

Do I know you from somewhere?

Yes. I was in the news.

I was the woman who climaxed during her TSA pat down.

No, that's not it.

Did you and I ever, uh...

Ex-squeeze me, sir?

There is it, okay, I know where it is.

You and I, we did a couple rotations in residency.

Yeah, you always made us sing that dumb version

of "Happy Birthday."

- "You look like a monkey and you smell like one too"?

People loved it, and it's hilarious.

Yeah, hysterical.

So what are you doing in the building anyway?

- Today happens to be my first day at my new job.

Wait, you work here?

Wait, you work here? - Oh, God.

- Excuse me. - Excuse me, I was going first.

Christmastime in New York City

is my favorite time of year,

because of all the great traditions,

any one of which can spiral into an ongoing fight

about whether I should keep working

or stay home and have more children.

Mmm. Oh, my God, Danny,

these gingerbread men are so good.

I mean, this is the best crotch I've ever tasted.

I mean, I don't know how I'm going to eat this many.

I mean, I can. I will. I am, but I shouldn't.

- Well, if we had more kids, they'd help you finish them.

Okay, I thought we could just go one day

without talking about this. - What?

I'm just saying more kids would help us finish the cookies.

Yeah, so just make less cookies.

All right, "A Charlie Brown Christmas,"

I love this. I love this one.

- My favorite part is how those "Peanuts" kids

seemed like they turned out fine

even though their moms were never around,

and they're probably out working.

Charlie Brown's 10 years old,

and he's bald and he has no friends.

Yeah, he's doing fine raising himself.

I'm getting a glass of wine

and you can just watch it by yourself.

And don't even get me started on Pig-Pen.

- "And then the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

said money's not the most important thing."

- You see that, Leo? Scrooge was obsessed with his money

and his career, putting his work above his family.

And, yet, if Tiny Tim's mother had worked

instead of having 12 kids, maybe her son

wouldn't have a sad-ass limp.

- I didn't say anything about 12 kids. 12 kids?

That's over-exaggerating, okay? A couple of kids.

- Okay, but who's gonna take care of these kids?

Don't give me that.

- Hey, Danny, what do I do with this lamb I found?

Do I just, like, toss him?

- Just put him in the manger close to Jesus.

Okay.

Oh, Danny, I really like this.

Think of it, Jesus was born in a barn

and then he grew up to be the most popular

tattoo for Latino men. - It's so nice and snug.

One barn for the whole family. - Yeah.

And if you notice, Mary doesn't still own

her apartment in the West Village.

Okay, well, if Mary had an apartment

as cool as mine, then she probably wouldn't be a virgin.

- What are you holding on to that apartment for?

Are you trying to leave?

- I am trying to sell it, but no one will meet my price.

- Yeah, $10 million? "Celebrity buyers only?"

Yeah, nobody's gonna buy that. - You know what?

Why don't you just decorate the tree by yourself, no.

Whoa, hold on, hold on,

come here, come here, come here, come here.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

We've been blowing up at each other a lot,

and I don't want to do it.

We should be happy.

We have a lot to celebrate.

Yeah, you're right.

Okay? - Yeah.

Hm, that's weird. - What's weird?

Oh, I used to love that shirt. Whatever happened to it?

Oh, I used it to stop a nosebleed,

and then I gave it to Morgan.

No, that's not what's weird.

What's weird is that we're smiling in this picture

but we hated each other back then.

Yeah, we did.

Remember the time you reported me to hospital HR?

Yes, because you told a patient

I was quote "roly poly." - It was worth it.

You don't think I'm so roly-poly anymore.

No. - I just don't get it.

Why are we smiling here? - I don't know.

Ah, my first day at a new job.

So much potential everywhere I look.

Who will be my new work crush?

Who will be my chatty confidante?

Who will be the mentor who inspires me to greatness?

Could I see everyone...

Uh...

Pardon my muffin.

Could I see everyone for a quick meeting

in the conference room?

It's showtime, Dr. Lahiri.

You did very good for your first...

- Sorry, I like to keep the seat next to me empty

so it's easy for me to get away.

- Well, at least I know now who my workplace nemesis is.

Okay.

I hope you all had a very nice weekend.

I sure did.

Cheryl and I finally finished our jigsaw puzzle.

- Vermont Covered Bridge? - Vermont Covered Bridge.

- I knew you two would have fun with that one.

Thank you for that. - You're welcome.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

- And I also very much would like to thank Jeremy.

He got St. Brendan's to feature us in their hospital newsletter.

Us, in a newsletter. Bravo.

- Well, as many of you know, I can be pretty persuasive.

He means sex. - Whoa.

- Dr. Shulman, as you know, Christmas is coming,

and I've been working on your annual gingerbread house.

My favorite surprise of the year.

Clue of the day, this year's structure

is a New York landmark... - Landmark.

With two statues in the front...

Statues. - And I ain't lying.

The New York Public Library.

Of course, yeah, that's it.

He was supposed to guess.

- I'm sorry. It was just a very obvious clue.

I didn't think it was that obvious.

Okay, I'll scrap it. Nevermind. I'll just start over.

I don't know where I'm gonna get gumdrops this late in the game.

I'm sorry, could you stop glaring at me?

Just do the Flatiron Building or something.

That's the one I was gonna do!

I was gonna do the Flatiron Building.

That's twice you did that to me.

It's all right, I think that pretty much

wraps up this meeting.

Oh, Dr. Shulman, I have an announcement.

Sure, yep, fine. Okay. - Thank you.

Yeah. - Thank you.

Now everybody can give announcements?

Entertainment.

Hi, everyone.

My name is Dr. Mindy Lahiri

and this is not only my first day at work

it's also the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

A couple of weeks ago, I was basically

gonna kill myself. Yeah. -

I had just been dumped on the first day

of a very long vacation,

but I think it was a sign from the universe

that I needed a fresh start.

There are no signs from the universe.

Just the will of our living Christ.

Yeah, okay, same diff.

Since then I got a new apartment,

I joined Weight Watchers,

I signed up for this really cool new dating site,

it's called Ashley Madison. - Ashley Madison?

- And best of all, I got to start working here

with all of you great people. Can you imagine?

Me... a well-educated Asian American woman in Manhattan,

becoming a doctor?

Anyway, in conclusion... - Thank the Lord.

- I am ready to start my great new adventure,

and I think I can speak for all of us when I say

that you're pretty lucky to come along for the ride.

So, that's me. Hi.

Yeah.

- Can I talk to you in your office right now?

Um, sure. - Yeah, yeah, Jeremy, you too.

You seem so upset, Danny.

Do you need some more time off

to work things out with your wife?

No.

You could use our cabin. The skunk died.