Seinfeld

Last week on Seinfeld...

Oh, uh, yeah, I'm here for the audition.

The Tonight Show called me

to come out and do the show on the 28th,

and they're giving me two free tickets to L.A.

A free ticket?

You wanna go?

Yeah, in fact, we could track down Kramer.

I got a very big meeting.

I got people interested in my treatment.

She was.

Pretty young thing.

We're going on a two-day trip.

What are you, Diana Ross?

Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you.

Don't look. Don't look.

It's Fred Savage.

Oh, did I frighten you?

I'm not crazy.

I may look weird, but I'm just like you.

I'm just a regular guy trying to make it in this business.

No witnesses?

Just the trees, Johnny.

Just the trees.

Could you not tuck the blankets in?

'Cause I can't sleep all tucked in.

I think we just caught a break.

All right.

That's one tuck, and one no tuck.

So that's when I said, "Hey, Kramer, dude,

Have you ever killed a man before?"

You're on The Tonight Show. NBC.

Who else is on the show?

I don't know.

Corbin Bernsen.

Do I have a case

for you guys to do on L.A. Law.

I don't want to tell you how to run your show.

No, of course not.

Really, it's enough with the bar already.

He's a very handsome man, passionate, intense,

but troubled, strange.

Let's pick up this, uh...Kramer.

Kramer!

Police have just released a photo of the suspect

being sought in connection with the slayings.

He is known only as Kramer.

There are many different jobs in the police.

It seems to me that "chalk outline guy"

is one of the better jobs that you can get.

You know, it's not too dangerous,

the criminals are long gone.

That seems like a good one.

I don't know who they are.

I guess they're people that wanted to be sketch artists,

but they couldn't draw too well.

"Listen, Johnson, forget the sketches.

"Do you think if we left the dead body

"right there on the sidewalk,

"You could manage to trace around it?

Could you do that?"

I don't even know how that helps them solve the crime.

You know, they look at the thing on the ground--

"Oh, his arm was like that when he hit the pavement.

That means the killer must have been...Jim."

He's on the lam. He's on the loose!

Would you let go of my arm?

I'm trying to drive. You're gonna get us both killed.

What are we supposed to do?

What do you do in a situation like this?

Should we call a lawyer? The police?

Obviously, we're gonna call the police

and tell them he's not the guy.

We hope he's not the guy.

Couldn't be the guy.

Nah.

God, I'm starved.

I'm weak with hunger.

How can you think of food

at a time like this?

At a time like what?

I'm hungry.

My stomach doesn't know that Kramer's wanted.

I told you to have breakfast.

You should have had breakfast!

I couldn't have breakfast.

It was lunchtime.

The three-hour time difference threw me.

I wanted a tuna fish sandwich.

They wouldn't serve me a tuna fish sandwich

because they were only serving breakfast.

You should've had some eggs.

For lunch?

Who eats eggs for lunch?

Have you ever heard of egg salad?

Why didn't you say something?

I gotta tell you about the existence of egg salad?

I need food, Jerry.

I'm feeling faint. I'm getting light-headed.

I got to call the police.

There's a pay phone over there.

Pay phone in L.A.

Look, it's a miracle.

I have no change. You got any change?

No, I don't have any change. I never carry change.

Well, I need change, and all I got is 20s.

I have a 10. So break it.

I hate asking for change.

They always make a face.

It's like I'm asking them to donate a kidney.

So buy something.

What?

I don't know, some mints or Tic Tacs.

Breath problem?

No, I just want some change.

Tell me.

Your breath is fine.

It's delightful. It's delicious.

You know, I haven't eaten anything.

I just wanna call the police.

Why don't you just call 911?

But is this an emergency?

Of course it is.

How is this an emergency?

Your friend has been accused

of being a serial killer.

I think that qualifies.

All right, I'll call 911.

Think he did it?

Could he have done it?

He couldn't have done it. How could he have done it?

Couldn't do it. Could he?

Hello, 911?

How are you?

I'm sorry. Just a reflex.

I know it's an emergency number.

It is an emergency.

My friend has been accused of being the Smog Strangler,

and I know he didn't do it.

They're putting me through to the detective

in charge of the investigation.

Making terrific headway.

What's my name? Who am I?

I'm, uh...

George Costanza.

What's the matter with you? Are you crazy?

What are you using my name for?

Oh, don't be a baby. What are you scared of?

What am I scared of? The same thing you are: Everything.

Why don't you use your own name?

Your name is a good name.

Costanza. Sounds like it stands for something.

They'll believe us.

Really?

Sure.

You think so? Oh, yeah.

Yes, I have some very important information

regarding the Smog Strangler.

Get yourself a mint or something.

Can I come in right now?

I suppose.

Where are you located?

Where is that?

I don't know where we are.

Where are we?

I don't know.

We don't know. He says ask somebody.

Ask that guy.

Excuse me, where are we?

Earth.

Hey, you know,

I'm on the phone with the police.

Some guy just gave me a wise answer.

Ask that woman.

Excuse me, miss, what street are we on?

You don't know?

I don't know.

I don't know.

How could you not know what street you're on?

You don't know.

George, it says here on the phone.

It's 12145 Ventura Boulevard.

Uh-huh, okay.

Do we know where the 101 is? No.

Do we know where the 170 is? No.

Do we know where the 134 is?

No.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

He's gonna send a black and white

to pick us up.

Black and white?

Cop car.

Why didn't you just say that?

I thought it sounded kind of cool.

Yeah, real cool. You're a cool guy.

Oh, you are.

I guarantee you Lupe's gonna tuck your covers in.

I'll bet you. How much?

Her tip.