Young Sheldon

Previously on Young Sheldon... Do you know if he'll be doing

the full color octet calculations?

I do not.

Do you know how to differentiate under the integral sign?

No.

Do you know anything?

Anyone know what happens to baryons?

Yes, Paige.

We can ignore the particle masses

at the individual quark level.

- Correct. - A unique child

can require a lot of attention.

Try all the attention.

Well, I think my parents are getting a divorce.

Why? They fight all the time.

About what? Mostly me.

I guess I'm lucky. Why?

I'm the glue that holds our family together.

Hi, Sheldon. What did you do to your hair?

Is this because your parents got divorced?

You're so smart. Why are you acting like this?

My mom is going on dates,

and my dad is acting like a child.

It's just hard to care.

Can I offer you a hot beverage?

Children everywhere

are excited by summer vacation,

and I was no exception.

Because instead of vacation Bible school

with my sister, I was headed to the local library

for a fun-filled week of postal delights

otherwise known as stamp camp.

In 1989, they released dinosaur stamps.

Come on, now.

He's excited. And that gets

my stamp of approval.

I'm using that.

It's going to kill at stamp camp.

Oh, sorry. It was canceled.

What? Why?

Not enough interest.

Not enough interest in stamps?

It's the fastest-growing hobby in people 70 and over

according to Reader's Digest.

Sorry, sweetie.

Well, what am I supposed to do now?

Ha! You have to go to Bible camp.

Come on, Shelly. It's a space theme.

Isn't that fun?

Jesus was a carpenter, not an astronaut.

Maybe he built the rocket.

What would he use for fuel?

Ooh, doughnut holes.

Can I please wait in the car?

No. I want you to be here.

I'll be fine. You can crack the back window.

Hi, Sheldon.

Paige. What are you doing here? My mom made me.

See? She doesn't want to be here either.

I'm gonna go say hi to your mom.

Why did your mom make you?

Punishment. I got caught with cigarettes.

Why would you want to smoke?

To look older.

My meemaw smokes. I guess it works.

So, why are you here?

Do you believe in this stuff now?

No. Stamp camp got canceled.

Further proof there is no God.

I did it. I bought a car.

Really? You got the Mustang?

I was fixing to,

but then something else caught my eye.

You did something dumb.

Now, it needs a little bit of work,

but once I'm done,

it's gonna be amazing. No.

What do you mean?

It's got low mileage,

great stereo.

Check this out.

Look at all the room.

Hell no.

Why?

This isn't a car. It's a motel room on wheels.

Is that how little you think of me?

Yes. Maybe less.

George, your mother works

for the church. This doesn't look good.

I don't know, looks pretty good to me.

Please, listen to me. Come on.

If I drive Sheldon to college, he can sleep back there.

So, you saw that couch,

and the first thought you had was,

"My brother can sleep on that"?

Not my first thought.

This licorice tastes terrible.

It's plastic.

You use it to weave a lanyard.

No, it's licorice.

Your mother lets you wear lipstick?

Of course not. Interesting.

Does she know you're leading a double life?

Grow up.

Why do you think you're rebelling

against parental authority?

Isn't it obvious? I'm having

a textbook reaction to their divorce.

What textbook? Did you get it from the library?

Hello, Biblenauts!

Gather round.

Now, who's ready to find

space for Jesus in our hearts?

I can't hear you!

Perhaps that's because space is a vacuum

where sound doesn't travel.

Nicely done.

You're not the only rebel around here.

I thought he had stamp camp.

Just go get your money back and buy a different car.

No.

Georgie, I'm not playing around.

Neither am I. I bought it with my own money,

and you don't get a say.

As long as you live under my roof,

I get plenty of say.

Fine. I'll move out.

And where you gonna go?

I'll live in the van.

You know what?

It was only a matter of time

before you lived in a van. Have at it.

Scooby-Doo lived in a van,

and he turned out fine.

- All right. - Amen.

Sing "Ice Ice Baby."

Don't know it.

How about Paula Abdul?

Nope. Ooh! The Teenage Mutant Ninja theme.

Mary, what is that I'm hearing?

Oh! Right.

It's the prize bell!

What do you think the prize is?

We get to go home?

Is the joke that leaving would be a reward?

Yes.

I get that joke.

Now,

for a psalm 100 bookmark,

who can name the 12 apostles?

Billy.

Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...

Those are dwarves. Anyone else?

Look at these suckers trying to compete for a stupid bookmark.

They probably don't even know psalm 100.

Or what a book is.

How about six apostles?

Just give me six.

I'll settle for three, and I'll spot you Judas.

I don't even care about church, and I can name them all.

So can I.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

I can even do it in alphabetical order.

Well, I can name them in the order they appear

in the Book of Matthew.

Paige, yes.

Peter, Andrew, James, son of Zebedee,

John, Philip, Bartholomew,

Thomas, Matthew,

James, son of Alpheus, Thaddeus, Simon and Judas.

And that's the order that they appear in the Book of Matthew.

Fantastic!

You just won yourself a psalm 100 bookmark.

Thank you. I love that psalm.

You would think winning

a Nobel Prize in Physics

would make this moment meaningless to me,

but all these years later, it still burns my butt.

Why would Paige get competitive over Bible trivia?

She doesn't care about that.

Maybe she just wanted that bookmark.

Yeah. I wanted

this "what would Jesus do?" slap bracelet.

Ow. I liked it better

when she and I were making fun of everything.

You might have more fun if you participated, too.

Oh, I'll participate.

Great. If Paige wants to go head-to-head on Bible trivia,

she picked the wrong fact-filled atheist to mess with.

Great.

Ow.

Well?

It's very... colorful.

Not just colorful. Patriotic.

It's also a little gross.

It just needs a little shampoo. But check out the best part.

Want to try it out?

In front of your parents' house?

That's what's so great. We can drive it anywhere.