Six Weeks

Man: No, no. If anything, it worked for me.

You know, politicians in any country

have a tendency to sound alike.

The issues don't change, really.

You're either for something or against it

or both, depending on who you're talking to.

But the point is when we hear a politician speak,

we get the feeling we've heard it all before.

The fact that I sound a little different,

I think, helps to get people to listen to me.

Man #2: And what is it that you want people to hear?

Man: How many hours in this program?

Not enough, I'm afraid.

But are there any issues you'd like to amplify on today?

Such as gun control, for instance,

which you've been very occupied with

on the floor of the State Assembly.

Why are issues such as this so difficult?

Man: Well, they're difficult because we make them difficult.

I think we have a tendency to complicate things.

I mean, it seems to me that the laws of the land

should be a matter of common sense.

It doesn't seem to be very intelligent

that there is no law against selling a gun or carrying a gun.

Uh, I mean it doesn't matter

what this group says or what that group says

or what the statistics are,

the fact is that guns cause deaths.

My God, we have a law against selling firecrackers

and yet anyone can buy a shotgun.

We talk about nuclear disarmament...

let's start with firecrackers.

- ( Overlapping chatter ) - ( classical music playing )

Well, I told you I'd roll out the red carpet.

We're really grateful.

Yes, now all that's lacking is the guest of honor.

I'm really sorry about that.

He should be here any second.

I hope so.

He's drawn quite a crowd.

If this turnout is any indication,

you've hitched yourself up to the right coattails.

I think many people consider you a bit of a buffoon.

- Are you... are you aware of that? - Yes, I am aware of that.

I've done a lot of weeping.

No, I think, uh...

that people who criticize my sense of humor

feel they're being attacked by it.

Of course, their perception is right... I am attacking them.

They probably deserve it.

But I think the ability to use humor

as a disarming mechanism

is something that has been, uh,

used by some of the greatest statesmen in history.

Hmm. Perhaps... such as?

Churchill was hilarious.

Joan of Arc...

very funny girl.

- ( Chattering ) - ( classical music playing )

Listen, tell me something...

did he really send a singing telegram to the governor

protesting oil drilling in the channel?

- Sang it himself. - ( laughing )

Well, maybe that's what we need in politics,

someone who knows it's all a joke.

Don't let him fool you. That little singing telegram

captured more media attention

than five years of public outcry.

Well, let's hope he has an easier time getting to Washington

than he's having getting to my house.

Hey.

Hey, is this Meadowland Court?

No.

Do you know where it is?

Who are you looking for?

- Stillman. - Arnold?

Uh, can you tell me where he lives?

Yes.

Can you tell me how to get there?

- Are you a guest? - Yeah.

- You're late. - Yeah, I know that. I am very late.

I'm the guest of honor. How do you find your way around this place

- without any street signs? - Follow me.

Excuse me. Is it far?

Nope.

Can you perhaps give me directions?

It's just up here.

- Can I give you a lift? - No, thanks.

Some men are attracted to girls my age.

- I beg your pardon? - That's why I can't get in.

Oh. Oh, I see. I see.

- Are you? - What?

Attracted to me?

Uh, uh, no.

- Think I have potential? - ( brakes squeak )

- As a what? - Attractive woman.

You by any chance an undercover policeman?

Just curious.

Do you know Arnold Stillman?

Very well.

What sort of guy is he?

- You don't know him? - No.

- Jerk. - ( laughing )

I think I do find you attractive.

What's in the bag?

A dead bird.

- See? - Oh, God.

What do you... what do you do with it?

- Collect it. - You collect dead birds?

Bird parts. I just use the feet and beak.

What for?

I'm making a fetish.

Oh... right.

If you don't know him, how come you're the guest of honor?

Oh, Arnold? Well, I'm running for Congress,

and Arnold is giving me a little fundraiser.

- You have an accent. - So do you.

- Is that allowed? - Mm-hmm.

Why don't you like him?

- Are you a citizen? - I am.

He always has famous people over there and he won't let me in.

One time he had Rudolf Nureyev.

I tried to sneak through the bushes

and he had a security guard kick me out.

It was humiliating.

- What's your name? - Niki.

You wanna come?

I mean I'm not Rudolf Nureyev,

but I can get you in.

Uh, here.

Don't... don't come through the bushes.

Use the front door. Say you're a guest of mine and bring whoever you like.

- You mean it? - Yeah.

I'm Patrick Dalton.

If you have any trouble, just shout my name.

That's if I ever get there, of course.

Oh, it's at the end of the road. Even you couldn't miss it.

Thank you.

Bye!

Yeah, he was a great tailor, my father.

Um...

he dreamed of coming to this country,

California in particular,

and he dreamed of houses like this, of course.

He didn't want to own one, he just wanted to alter the clothes

of the people who lived in them.

For the record, I came here when I was 20,

a very young person,

and I was naturalized, which is very painful,

- when I was... - ( people laughing )

25.

And I've been in the State Assembly for six years,

which is even more painful.

And, frankly, I'm awfully tired of commuting.

I fly from Sacramento to Los Angeles twice a week

and I've learned how to curl up and go to sleep

in the overhead luggage compartment.

Not many politicians can do that.

Um...

so send me to Washington, please.

Seriously, though, the reason I'm here

is that I'm on the ballot

for the January special election

and I need all the help I can get

in making myself known before that time.

I won't spell out what kind of help I need,

but I will be circulating with my tin cup

right after dessert.

Hopefully, we'll get a chance to talk.

Thank you very much.

- Slither through the bushes again, Nicole? - I was invited.

Now, I made out the guest list myself, young lady.

I have friends in high places, Arnold.

I'm gonna have to speak to your mother about this, you know?

- She's right over there. - She's here, your mother?

In the flesh.

- Oh, there you are. - Hi.

Hi. Like my speech?

- I loved it. - Good.

- You know this child? - Know her? You kidding?

Without this child, I might not even be here today.

Oh, my, I had no idea.

Hi.

- Charlotte! - Hi.

- Charlotte, I didn't know you were here. - Hello, Arnold.

- I hope you don't mind our barging in. - Barging in?

Why, I've been trying to get this woman over here for three years.

Well, we're in town most of the time these days.

Patrick, this is my mom.

- Hello. - Hello.

- You know Patrick Dalton? - I've certainly heard of him.

- Yes? - Today I have.

Niki can't stop talking about you.

Well, the child has great taste.

Charlotte: Threatened to drag me through the bushes

if I didn't come meet you.

Well, I appreciate you coming.

Yes, I'm sure you do.

Didn't you like his speech?

Oh, yes.