New Girl

Bye!

Tran.

Great lasagna, it was fantastic.

Now you're fishing.

It was just good, and you know it.

You used the cheap cheese, and that was your mistake.

Great noodles, though.

Thank you. Bye.

We care about you.

Mm-hmm. We did it!

Yes, we did it! We did it.

Best rehearsal dinner ever.

You guys are a good team.

We haven't slept all week, but thanks.

I work in hospitality, it's what I do.

I've got some cools things

for tomorrow I want to show you. Right on.

Maid of honor.

Best man.

Mayday J-Day.

What's up, Nick-knack.

We're gonna need some more hotties on the dance floor.

Copy that.

I'll get those hotties right over to ya.

Awesome.

Thank you for letting us stay in your room.

Of course.

I'm sorry your mother's not coming, Cece.

Her disapproval of my son fills me with a hot rage

I've repressed into a cyst on my back.

It's grotesque. Sweet dreams, Kid.

Night, Mom.

Good night, my mom's friend Susan.

Are you guys sure that you don't want to use the air mattress?

We sleep together.

We've been lovers since 1998.

I want to thank everyone

for an amazing rehearsal dinner.

Special shout out to Winston

for a shockingly good toast.

Winston!

Insanely good. Dipping in and out of French.

Powerful stuff, man.

Yay! No.

Blessings, blessings on all your households.

All right, I think it's time to get the bride and the groom

to sleep in separate beds like boy cousins.

Wait, wait, can we just say good night first?

: We'll allow it.

: We'll allow it.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

I'm gonna do the dishes. Dishes.

Break it up! What is this?

The last night of drama camp?

Enjoy it while you can because it gets boring.

Same old lips year after year

with no spark,

just dead tongues touching,

like decayed salmon.

Oh, my God, Winston!

I did it!

The night before the wedding,

a bride is bound to feel a little bit emotional,

so nervous? I got Xanax.

Delicious. Mm-hmm.

Sad, I have a picture of a cat riding a dog like a horse.

(both chuckle, Jess continues chuckling)

Is that for me or for you?

What? Hmm.

You freak out, you want to escape to Canada?

I've got our passports and...

Trudeau pics. (whistles)

I'm good, you know? I don't need anything.

Really? 'Cause you can ask for anything.

After tomorrow, you're not gonna be able

to use the bride card anymore.

You've got power.

: Wield it.

I'm gonna go crazy doing this

for you one day.

Well, Sam is the most

objectively marry-able guy I've ever dated.

He's out there washing dishes right now.

Mm.

And he's so tall. So tall.

His jacket on me looks like a garbage bag.

Check it out.

Oh.

Uh...

: What is this?

What? What? What?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Is Sam gonna propose?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Nick, let me tell you something. It has been a pleasure

watching you blossom into the best man.

Well, thank you for giving me the soil to grow.

Good night.

My flash drive is gone!

The flash drive your vows are on?!

No, a different flash drive!

Then what's the problem?

I was being sarcastic!

Of course the flash drive that my vows are on!

Ah...

There's my poet's fuel. Mm!

Mm, I might still be drunk

from my own toast, but my God,

you are gonna make a beautiful bride someday.

Bye.

Uh...

I'm here. I heard it.

Let's acknowledge that and, uh,

you know where to find me.

It's not here. I can't find it.

I told Aly she'd make

a beautiful bride someday,

and then she just bounced.

I mean, why'd I say that?

We've been dating a month.

Dude, Schmidt lost his vows!

For the wedding?!

No, different vows.

Oh, so then what's the big deal?

What is wrong with you people?!

How'd I lose it?

I wear it around my neck. I even we--

I even wear it when I got a spray tan.

Ooh.

I think I know what happened.

What?

Is that a piece of my flash drive? Yes, it is.

You see, earlier tonight, when we were practicing the hora...

Winston, stop trying to throw me off the chair!

That's not the game!

I don't mean this anti-Jewish at all,

but that insane Jew dance has ruined our lives.

I'm freaking out.

It took me nine months to write those vows.

What do you remember?

Cece...

I can't believe this day is finally here.

And then...

Rick Santorum said it best when...

I don't-- That's all I got.

That's all I remember.

That's all you remember?!

My vows were like a novel.

How much of your zombie novel do you remember?

Chapter one--

"On Jack Granger's

41st birthday, he was shot in the face by his dog Ed."

Understand the situation that I'm in.

You are so lucky.

How-how am I lucky, Nick?

'Cause one of the greatest writers

of our time is about to enter this room.

Would you like to meet him?

All right.

I'll go get him.

There's no way it's not him, right?

You think it's him?

It's me.

You know what, just 'cause he has a ring

doesn't mean he's gonna propose to me tonight or right now.

Hey, guys. I'm so sorry to interrupt.

Uh, Jess, I have something important

I want to talk to you about, when you get a chance.

Okay, yeah.

I'll be right there.

Cool PJ's.

I look like the sky.

Okay.

This is happening now. He is going to propose.

I totally didn't see this coming.

This is great, right? : Yeah.

What was that?

What was what?

You paused.

: I didn't pause.

You took, like, a huge pause.

You were like...

Longer than that! Jess--

What aren't you saying? That's what I'm asking.

Nothing-- if you want to marry Sam, I want you to!

You think this is a horrible idea!

You know what the truth is?

I think that you paused on the inside.

Boom. Don't you boom me.

I boom. First of all, neither of us should want to say boom.

That's not ever a cool thing to say.

I'll decide who says boom!

To write anything, you need to start

with a big idea.

In my last

zombie novel, Uh-oh Guts,

the big idea was that there were too many guts.

Schmidt, you're gonna say

the first thing that comes to mind