Stealing a Survivor

And were you all right?

I mean you were never in physical danger.

I mean you had plenty to eat and stuff

and you know it was, we had the big screen color TV.

You watched everybody watch the Super Bowl together, right?

I wish, Dave, I wish.

What will you do now, are you famous now?

I'm big time now, Dave.

- Really? - Yeah.

Now will you continue coaching at the Y

or will do other things?

I'm out of there Dave, I'm about to blow up.

About to blow up.

Blow up, motherfucker you imploded.

Man, you were my idol growing up,

and now you're sittin' across here from me.

Do you know I cried when you lost "Survivor"?

And then just like you disappeared.

And now, now you're the number one

trending topic on Twitter.

Now I need you to help me help you.

How did those guys get to you?

Those guys didn't get to me.

State your name.

Ray Martin.

Did you kidnap Gervase?

No.

Kidnapping is a crime.

You know what that means?

It means when someone is forcibly abducted

or confined against their will.

You know what a crime is?

A crime is this coffee.

Why'd you kidnap Gervase?

I didn't kidnap Gervase.

Tell me about the last 24 hours.

Yesterday started off like any other day,

my dad asked me to meet with him in the morning.

He said, "It was important."

Hybrid, oh, fuck.

Can I help you?

Hello, Hybrid Planet, can I.

What's up dad?

Oh, hey, Ray.

How ya feelin'?

Everything hurts all the time as yoozh.

I hear ya.

What the hell's that noise?

It's the air conditioning, it's on its last legs.

Just like me.

Listen, I wanna run somethin' by ya.

Well, good 'cause I actually,

I got somethin' I wanna run by you.

- Really? - Yeah.

You go first.

Okay, it's official, I have no idea what I'm doing here.

I'm completely out of ideas

and this place has clearly gone

in the dumper as a result so, so.

So?

We have a good deal of debt as you know,

and steady client base, loyal, loyal customers

but that's not enough to erase the debt

so if we don't turn things

around really soon, like yesterday we're fucked.

And by we, I mean you.

So this puppy it's all yours pal.

Whatta ya think?

I'm just a driver, Dad.

No, no, no, that's it, I'm done, I'm tired

and I have no more ideas.

Look all I've done since your mom died

is just try to run this place

and I've done it, I've run it right into the ground so.

I don't know anything about running a business, Dad.

Well clearly neither do I.

Have you thought about an app?

Yeah, I've been thinkin' about chicken wings.

- No. - Like, no seriously.

No, no, no.

I've been thinkin' about 'em all morning.

No, how about updating the website?

Dude, I can't even answer my phone.

This son of bitch been ringing all morning.

I can't even answer it.

I'm not even gonna talk about advertising.

You know let me just get to why I'm here.

- Okay. - Okay.

I've been thinking about this for a few weeks.

Good, 'cause I got nothing.

- All right. - So go.

Here's the plan,

I got a TV show idea

where I interview celebrities in our hybrids.

Then we get advertisers to pay to advertise on our website.

Boom.

I'm out of ideas but that's fuckin' crazy that one.

And you couldn't even ask at better time,

there's a movie convention in town this weekend.

I already have the GoPro set up,

I know a hotel everyone's staying at,

I'm bound to get somebody.

I'm bound to get some wings, what do you think?

Come on. Yeah, that's fine.

All right. All right.

Let's go to lunch.

Hold on, that's my boss calling.

Hey.

Summer, I'm over here at the hotel right now

I gotta do this interview for "The Urban Yodeler".

I don't even wanna do this interview.

They're talkin' about doing an "Urban Yodeler 2"

and they're gonna have Denzel Washington do this.

I wanna do "Urban Yodeler 2".

This is a stupid shirt.

I don't even know if I wanna wear this shirt

and I don't know where you,

I need you here with me right now.

I need ya to get here now.

Gervase Peterson.

No, not Ricky Gervais, Gervase Peterson.

He was on the very first season of "Survivor".

He was huge.

Gervase Peterson.

Gervase Peterson.

Yes, well there was a bit of a dip but he's back.

Perhaps you've heard of his most recent feature film,

"The Urban Yodeler".

He's not a trained actor but he, he has charisma.

"Urban Yodeler", "Urban Yodeler".

He's it better than mediocre at acting.

He just stared in "The Urban Yodeler".

He just stared in "The Urban Yodeler".

He just recently filmed a feature

called "The Urban Yodeler", perhaps you've heard of it.

You haven't.

No, not extra work.

He's too big for that.

He's a star.

How much do extras get paid?

Stand-in work is fine.

Okay.

Too-da-loo.

Sweet Gervase, how could life get any worse for you?

Thank you.

- Hey. - Hey.

- You got this. - Yeah.

Don't be a bitch.

Leslie, what happened to our first guest?

He canceled.

He canceled, you're just telling me now.

This the best you.

Hi, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "Marquis Jackson Show".

Our first guest was on the mega hit "Survivor"

not once but twice.

Please welcome Gervasa Peterson.

It's Gervase Peterson.

Right.

So tell me, what was it like being naked

on national television?

You're there waving your junk around,

I know they blocked it out

but it's gotta get cold sometime, right.

That can be embarrassing.

No, no, no, that was Rich,

the fat hairy naked guy.

- Wow. - Yeah, that wasn't me.

Right, you know what?

Let's throw all that out.

What are you here to do?

You're here to promote "The Urban Yodeler".

Yes.

- "The Urban Yodeler". - Yes.

What a title.

I didn't get a chance to watch it.

All right, full disclosure

I couldn't get myself to watch it.

The premise is just ridiculous to me.

What's a black man know about yodeling?

Really?

You don't yodel in the urban section man, you rap.

If you did urban rapper I could understand that

but urban yodeler, it's gonna be a flop.

I gotta tell you it's a disgrace.

I'm a disgrace.

Yeah, I mean I'm being honest here.

Are you serious right now?

What?

You're gonna disrespect me like that!

I'm your third cousin twice removed!

I'm gonna have my mom call your mom, how about that?

Then whatta ya gonna do, huh?

I'd like to be your third cousin all the way removed.

Fuck you, Marquis!

You know this ain't 18 years ago

when I needed you, remember that?

When I asked you to help me with that vape company.

I came to you for a loan.