Young Rock

Good afternoon.I'm Randall Park,

live at the campaign headquarters

of presidential candidate Dwayne Johnson.

Randall, it's good to have you here, buddy.

Well, it's all my "plejure." Pleasure.

Did I say "plejure"?

Uh, yeah, can we do that over?

I just needed a second to warm up.

Mm-hmm, we're live.

Oh.

Yes, of course, we are live.

It's been a while since my live theater days,

since I played Mercutio in "Romeo and Juliet."

"True, I talk of dreams, which are the children

"of an idle brain,

begot of nothing but vain fantasy."

Yes, yes. "And thusly the night."

I had the skull, and I was like,

"Uh, you're a skull."

We're live. We're... we're live.

We're still live. Ye... oh, yes.

We are still live. That's right.

So we've heard rumblings that you're close

to choosing your VP.

We're very excited to make that announcement.

Pretty soon we're gonna tell America.

So what are the important qualities

that you're looking for in a running mate?

Do you remember that story I told you about the incident?

The one with Jack Black and the cows.

Can't get it out of my mind.

Not that one, although that's a great story.

I'm talking about the one where I punched that kid

in high school. Yes.

I will never forget it. I was 15 years old,

and clearly I was no angel.

But up until that time, I'd always kept my bad behavior

away from my parents. Not this time.

My dad was away at a wrestling convention,

and my mom found out.

Ata, I can't believe this is your first class.

Principal Bogg, I'm shocked.

Dewey has never done anything like this in his life.

He's a good boy.

No one is more shocked than me.

I thought for sure Dwayne was an undercover cop.

I was this close to asking him to an Eagles game.

So what exactly happened?

I was provoked.

Wrestling's all fake anyway.

Oh!

Never use the "F" word.

Well, that's one side of the story.

Normally, we'd get the other side from the boy he hit,

but he was rushed to the hospital.

Oh, my God! Well, not rushed.

He was taken at a comfortable speed.

Sort of a relaxed urgency, wouldn't you say, Helen?

I'd say more composed than relaxed.

Composed urgency. Are you sure it was Dewey?

The victim ID'd him.

Is your attacker in this lineup?

That one.

The ogre.

You know we can hear you, right?

I guess we can just call people ogres now.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to suspend Dwayne for a week.

I can assure you,

nothing like this will ever happen again.

Right, Dewey?

Where'd you get those pants?

Uh...

In P.E. class.

We had a push-up contest,

and the winner got Girbaud jeans.

Specifically that pair or did you have to give your size?

You know what, forget it. I don't have the energy.

Get your homework for the week. I'll be outside.

Oh, my legs.

Dude, this is a huge moment for you.

What do you mean?

Fine-Ass Karen liked that you punched Kevin, man.

Said it made her feel like Cherry from "Outsiders."

For real? Like, she told you that?

Well, not exactly.

Karen wrote a note that she gave to Bonnie,

and Bonnie gave that note to me to give to you,

and as you know, I'm a Curious George,

so I read it immediately before handing it to you

right now.

"That punch was hot.

"If you want, you can buy me a present

"and take me to dinner.

"OO. Those are just the hugs.

"If you want the XX Kisses,

"let's see that gift.

Karen."

I memorized it.

She thinks I'm rich,

so I gotta get her a dope present.

Come with me to the mall later, help me find one?

Okay, sure. Where do you wanna meet?

Zales. Obviously Zales.

I don't even know what I said that.

Dewey, let's go! We're gonna miss the bus!

Dewey, the bus.

I can't believe this.

Wait till I tell your father when he gets home.

Did you have to broadcast to the whole school

that we take the bus?

You just got suspended,

and that's what you're concerned about?

Everybody on here is taking the bus.

That guy's probably a lawyer.

Sorry. Are you talking to me?

No. Uh...

No.

Let's focus on the real issue here.

Why did you hit that boy?

He was talking trash about us.

He said that wrestling was fake, so I punched him.

That is not okay.

You've never done anything like this before.

Can we not talk about this in front of all these people?

No one is listening to our conversation.

Uh, actually, I am listening.

I went through something similar with my oldest.

Okay, too much bus for me.

- What are you doing?

This isn't our stop.

I'm gonna go to the mall, wait for Gabe.

You certainly are not. You just got suspended.

Exactly. I can't be at school.

So what does it matter where I am?

Dewey.

Whoo! The party's here.

Hello, Ata.

How'd you know it was me? Caller ID.

I just got a whole new phone system hooked up.

I'm trying to find Rocky.

He left this morning to work a wrestling convention in Erie

and didn't know where he was staying.

Is everything okay?

Dewey got suspended for fighting.

I know.

And then when I was taking him home,

he got off the bus to go to the mall.

To buy you an apology gift?

To hang out with his friend Gabe.

Gabe? I've never met a Gabe in my life.

That's why I want to talk to Rocky.

Dewey's such a sweet boy.

He's never acted out like this before.

The Wild Samoans will know where he is.

Here, I'll loop them in.

I just got three-way calling. Watch.

Hello.

Hey, man, it's me and Ata.

You know where Rocky is out there in Erie?

No, brother, but Macho Man might know.

Sika, can we add a three-way call to a three-way call?

Yes.

Ooh, no, sorry.

I'm actually on vacation parasailing with Elizabeth.

You know what though, let me try André, yeah.

I saw Rocky last night. Oh?

In a dream.

He was a baby.

Okay, I really need to talk to him.

Ata, I don't want to put words in Rocky's mouth,

but I think I know what he'd say.

Boys test boundaries,

and you've got to show him that it's not okay.

I agree.

You need to bring the hammer down and nip this in the bud.

Yeah,you got this, Ata.

You're the boss. Ohh, yeah!

Dig it, yeah! You are a lioness.

Let me hear you roar.

Oh, I've got another call.

Hey, it's Stephanie from Jazzercize.

You signed up for an afternoon class and didn't show.

Ata, I didn't know you did Jazzercise.

Oh, it is so good for you. Sorry, Stephanie.

You're on a conference call.

Yeah, Ata's son disrespected her,

but she's gonna handle it on her own.

For sure. Right.

He's gonna try and test me? No.

I'm the boss of that boy! And?

I am a lioness!

I love how supportive this call is.

While the room's hot, any advice what I should say

to my sister when she asks for money?

I'll just tell her I'm broke.