Apology

Hello.

This is Apology.

Apology is not associated with the police

or any other organization,

but rather is a way for you to tell people

what you have done wrong and how you feel about it.

All statements received by apology will be made public,

so please do not identify yourself.

Talk for as long as you like.

Thank you.

- Seven letter word means underarm feathers?

No idea.

Starts with a P.

Beats me.

No idea? Come on, no idea?

I didn't know bird's had underarms.

News to me, too.

Last night's dinner's in the oven.

of course.

You can heat it up at 350.

It should moisten up in 10, 15 minutes.

You wanna talk about it?

No.

Even when we talk, we don't talk anymore.

Yeah.

Like a streak, Arnold.

You betcha, boy.

I'm streaking your way the minute I hang up this phone.

Well, now look, Arnold, I just walked in the goddamn door.

Patty hasn't seen me for two days,

so I'll just be there as soon as I change my goddamn socks

and rancid underwear, okay?

Yeah. Bye.

Hello, Apology?

There's something that's been bothering me

that I really want to say.

I witnessed a crime in Penn Station that I didn't report,

someone being forced into a phone booth and robbed.

I feel very bad about not reporting it.

Bye.

Hello, Apology.

There's something that's been bothering me

that I really want to say.

I witnessed a crime in Penn Station that I didn't report,

someone being forced into a phone booth and robbed.

I feel very bad about not reporting it.

Bye.

Listen, this is a restricted area.

Okay, go ahead.

- Told Arnold to let you get some sack time,

but Arnold's too damn good to listen.

I ever make lieutenant, first thing I'm gonna do

is I'm gonna stop listening to guys like me, too.

- Same MO? - Yeah.

What's the perp do with them,

turn 'em into little baseball bats?

Put batteries in 'em, you can make a novelty flashlight.

We're gonna catch this guy, you know,

and it is a problem we're gonna find four

1050 laminated wing wangs

of varying lengths and circumferences.

You realize that?

Look, I've been through the place.

You go on and make your own sweep and let's get some chow.

Okay?

Yeah.

- (exclaims) Hi! - Hi!

(smooches)How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

I'm good.

- Lily. - Morning.

Lily McGuire, Jean Robnett.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

Really love your work.

What work?

- In Anna's room. - Ah.

- Well, 11 or so? - Fine.

We're going down to Chinatown.

I've heard of it.

It was nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too, um..

- Jean. - Jean.

Oh, God.

So, tell me what you're doing.

Same old stuff.

Playing basketball,

waiting to grow boobs like Georgia Gatsock,

waiting for Dad to throw a grenade into the middle

of my stunted adolescence-

What grenade?

Oh, come on, Mom.

He's gonna marry one of these subservient beauties

he keeps coming up with.

How do you rate this one?

Little for him, if you ask me.

Anyone ask you?

Are you kidding?

What does he think? Your father?

He thinks he's pretty hot stuff

because she thinks he's hot stuff.

- Listen, a couple of interesting shows opened

since last Saturday.

Wanna check 'em out?

Not in the least.

Come on, please?

For you? Okay.

Patty Garettson, please.

Hungate, phone call!

- In a minute! - Now!

Hi.

Look, we got this same homicide this morning-

No, no more excuses. Goodbye.

Hello? Hello?

The faggalas

make me crazy on these schlong murders.

That's Yiddish, right? Schlong, faggala?

What does that mean, schlong, faggala?

I think the homosexual community is putting pressure

on the good Lieutenant, Detective Hungate.

Any suggestions, Arnold?

Lieutenant will have a clever suggestion forward as frank,

I'm sure, because he's a fucking ace cop.

You've become very cute, Hungate.

Well, I don't feel cute, Arnold.

- I'll leave everything else to Rodriguez and Conway.

You two get the schlong biter.

We've got no leads, Arnold.

Get some.

What thinking.

That's why Arnold's a lieutenant, Frank.

- Easy on him, Arnold. He's still walking a tightrope.

- He's not the first cop killed somebody, Franklin.

You're an asshole, Arnold.

Could you pass that on?

Yeah.

- Come on, tell me what you think of this one.

No more galleries, I just OD'ed.

- No, I got to. I got to stop by Phillip's.

All right, one more'd be perfect.

- Right. Come on. - All right.

This'll be fun, come on.

Phillip okay now about you dumping him?

No, and I'm not dumping him.

Hi. Anna, how are you this week?

Fine, Phil, thank you.

How's the show going?

It's coming. (mumbles)

- (laughs) I'm gonna miss this place, Philip.

Yeah, but not enough to come back.

Really walked into that one, didn't I?

- You must let me do a big show for you, darling,

at my 57th Street Gallery.

I'll find a big corporation to underwrite you

and make you a big superstar.

You sound like Mom's new gallery guy.

New gallery guy?

Paul Benzinger isn't some gallery guy.

He's a very important gallery guy.

Turned on the phone last night.

- What is that supposed to be, reasonable compensation?

People all over the city, hearing my dulcet tone,

soliciting their true confessions?

You know, my parents would be very proud.

They wanted me to be a priest in the worst way.

I should've.

Remained a stranger to the charms of women.

How many calls have you had?

- Five. - Five calls?

I wouldn't call five calls a promise of great success.

I don't know why you're screwing around

three weeks before your show anyway.

Wait a minute, I don't get it.

Why are you keeping people's apologies?

It's for my new piece.

You walk into it,

I was gonna have this confessional play,

you know, and have people rate it.

Venal sin, mortal sin, stuff like that.

And then I thought, why use a phony confession?

Why don't not just invite people to call in,

unload, and see what happens?

Sounds real pretentious to me.

- Are you kidding? It is a marvelous gimmick.

Benzinger will make your mummy a fortune.

Excuse me.

It's not a gimmick and it's not pretentious.