Bumpin' Body Phat

Ugh. What the hell is that?

Did you lose a bet?

Not everyone has a gambling problem

- like you, Phil. - Want to bet?

Okay, if you must know,

this is my once-a-month Saengseon Hoe from Han Goya's.

It's a Korean fish delicacy,

and it costs an arm and a leg.

So long as you didn't pay actual money for it.

Why is that a smell?

Did you find that in the morgue?

Okay.

Hey, we're still on to watch hoops

- later this afternoon, right? - You know it.

Carlos wins our bracket every year.

Don't ask me how.

It'd be like you winning an empathy contest.

Or you dating someone that wasn't a magician's assistant.

Ha. You know, you could be funny.

- Okay. - People V. Danfield.

Ooh, Diamond Danfield, huh?

Good luck with that. Word of advice, take the deal.

The guy's in and out of here all day.

Oh, I can see you repped him once.

That's... that's probably why he's back.

There's only so much we can do.

Yeah, so much you could do.

- I can get him a better deal. - Ooh, okay.

Fancy girl getting a little cocky.

- Care to make it interesting? - Sure, why not?

- I thought you didn't gamble. - It's not gambling

- if you know you're gonna win. - Ooh, okay.

- $10? - Fine.

All right.

I can't work in these conditions.

Wait. Why? What?

I think I love her.

Benched - 01x08 Diamond Is a Girl's Worst Friend

Thanks again for everything, all right?

See you again soon.

No, I hope not, Diamond.

Oh, right!

- Take care. - Okay.

Oh, hey. I totally Whitleyed that D.A. in there.

- "Whitleyed"? - Yeah.

Think I'm putting that on a t-shirt.

- Put you down for a small? - All right.

That's a bet.

I got that guy a great deal.

I mean, short parole, as long as he proves that

he's looking for a job and takes anger management.

- And boom... - "Boom," what?

Boom, we won't be seeing him again.

I did what you couldn't.

So you saved this poor wretch

with your superior lawyering, is that it?

Yeah.

- He'll be back by the end of the week. - That sounds very much like a bet.

- Double or nothing? - Yeah.

Boom.

- Another hard-fought day. - Yeah.

Some college basketball

and your mysterious gambling insight.

Well, it's not that mysterious.

Hey, uh, listen up, folks.

Internet is spotty at best, so just please stay away

from wires, and don't go online

for the next hour, hour and 20.

Great. Larry, that goes for the phone too, huh?

- Okay, well, keep it elevated, mom. - Larry, I told you...

It's a public park.

I'm sure someone will come by soon.

- Larry! - How far off the trail did you roll?

Stay strong.

Perfect.

Who's typing? Who's typ... What is that? Oh, come on.

- Hey, the signal! - What are you doing?

I'm downloading your case files.

Well, do it in another building.

Work time's over. It's casual time.

- Casual time. - Right.

Because you were so great in court today.

I beg your pardon.

What would you have done differently?

Argued for continuance based on changes in testimony,

cited People vs. Hawthorne in the Saxon case,

got Mason O.R. due to his extensive community involvement.

- Do you want me to continue? - You... you know what?

When you're in court and those lights are...

And everyone's looking, and it's... it's different, okay?

If you say so.

Hey, come on. Ignore her.

She's an intern. What does she know?

Someone should teach her a lesson, because...

You know, we could.

We could have her prepare that DUI case.

Oh, DUIs are impossible.

She'll fail for sure.

- Exactly, yeah. - All right.

Maybe this reckless endangerment case

will have a happy ending after all.

Well, except for those that were recklessly endangered.

Oh, hey, Diamond...

Just don't... don't... don't get my face.

Just, not in the face. Face is off-limits.

I'm robbing you, not killing you. Get up.

You thank... You thanked me earlier.

- What... why? - Yeah, I was being courteous.

Now I'm mugging you.

I don't understand. I got you a great deal.

All you have to do is prove you're looking for a job

and take anger management classes.

Yeah, and those classes cost money. Thank you.

So you commit another crime?

And you wonder why you're stuck in the system?

I'm stuck in the system because I don't have no money.

Now... now hand over the purse.

Is that a fake... it's a fake gun.

That's a fake gun.

Guns cost money.

I... I took this from, like, a local theater.

Oh, my God. How do you sleep at night?

Poorly. You know, a good bed...

Costs money.

Look, please, just give me the purse, all right?

- So I can take the stupid class. - I can't legally give a client money.

So you're gonna have to rob me.

Just do it gently, okay?

- Okay, um... - Go ahead.

I'm the robber. This is a robbery.

You're the victim.

I'm so glad I know my character.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, look.

20, 40... okay, cool.

What is this? What's this?

You do not take that.

They... they discontinued that color.

- "Cheesecake vacation"? - It's...

Hello! Ow!

You know what? Just take the money.

I'm gonna call you tomorrow and make sure that

you're looking for a job and that you registered for classes, okay?

You know these expired a year ago.

Oh...

Micah?

Micah?

Micah, you are in the closet.

- What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing.

Um, I need you to call Diamond Danfield

to make sure that he registered for anger management.

Yeah, no.

Actually, Phil and Carlos have me doing some actual casework,

so you're gonna have to make your own phone calls.

Well, pssh, you ever coming out of the closet, or...

You're literally in a closet.

Great.

How do you a find a guy

whose phone has been disconnected?

Oh, that's simple. Get a map of Los Angeles.

- Go everywhere. - Not helpful.

I was calling Diamond to make sure he registered for his class.

I told you he was gonna end up

back in the system one way or another.

Just admit I'm right, huh?

I'm gonna go find him.

- Diamond, open up. - Who is it?

- It's Nina. - Nina who?

- Are you serious? - You mugged me yesterday.

You got to be more specific than that.

Okay, that's not something you want to say to your lawyer,

and I'm your lawyer, Nina Whitley.

Nina! What's up, baby?

Come on.

So your phone's disconnected.

Oh, that's not my phone. That's Ed's.

Uh, I'm just here crashing. That's it.

- Oh, sure, sure, crashing. - Yeah.

Well, you were, uh, supposed to look for a job today.

Remember that plan? What happened there?

Oh, you know I ain't got no car

to go to no job interviews.

I mean, I don't even know where to even look for a job.

And I ain't got no shirt to wear.

Nope. No, no, no.

We... we are gonna get you a shirt.

We're gonna get you a shirt, and we're gonna get you a job.

Pants... pants first. Pants fir... uh, pants first.

- Come on. - Now, now, I...

I wasn't trying to guilt-trip you or nothing like that.

No, no. I didn't take it that way.

Shirt, pants, job.

Hey, Larry, our office lends out shirts for court, right?

Like, decent, conservative, for court appearances and stuff?

Actually, we do, and you'll never guess who's in charge of...

Great. We'll take one for him.

I only wear Varvatos from Head to Tizzoe.

- All right, player? - I'm the exact same way.

- You barely have pants. - We'll take whatever fits.

Like, something in, like, a Polo

but, like, with a nice pointy collar.