Elle

Oh, my gosh.

- Hi, Mrs. Woods. -Hi.

You look beautiful.

- Hi, Mr. Woods. - Hey.

Happy birthday, Elle.

Let's give it up one more time for the birthday girl...

-...Elle Woods. -

Thank you, DJ Jonathan.

I know today is supposed to be my day, but...

but really, it's about you.

Because, as I look out at all your faces...

...I see so many people who made me into the woman I am today.

I know everyone sees me and thinks,

"Eh, she knows exactly who she is and what she wants,"

-and they're right. -

But you all played a huge part in that.

Tiffany, you helped me find my signature scent.

- -Mrs. Campbell,

you showed me the importance of an SPF.

And Madison,

my best friend of 12.5 years,

I can't even count the number of times you saved me

from overplucking my eyebrows.

-I know. -If it weren't for you,

I would look like the Mona Lisa in my yearbook photo.

She's not done yet, honey. She's landing the plane.

-Oh. -Thank you.

Thank you.

So, I would just like to raise a glass to all of you.

My friends, my world.

I'm so lucky to have this life.

I wouldn't change a thing.

Aww.

-Cheers. -

We love you!

- -Maybe something like Madonna

but not exactly Madonna.

Madonna two years ago, not Madonna now.

- - Amazing speech.

-Thank you. -Although we had that falling-out

in third grade, when you got your ears pierced without me.

So, technically, it's only been 12 years of friendship.

I thought we swore never to speak of that again.

- -Okay.

Let's talk junior year.

I'm assuming that you've put together

some five-point plan to allow us

-to dominate 11th grade. -Uh, no.

-It's a three-point plan. -

-More concise, that's better. -Mm-hmm.

-Step one... -Mm-hmm?

...solidify our friendships with the coolest senior girls

so our reputations are firmly in place when they graduate.

-Obviously. -Mm-hmm.

-Mm-hmm. -Step two,

become group leaders on the cheer squad.

-Mm, that's inevitable. -

And step three, and this is probably the most important step of all...

Mm-hmm.

...have the most perfect first kiss with the most perfect guy.

Let me guess.

-Hot Josh? -

Do you want me to talk to him for you?

-No. I have a better idea. -Okay.

I'm gonna start a rumor that he has a crush on me.

And then he'll hear the rumor, and he'll start to wonder...

"Do I have a crush on her?"

And then we'll be in the most perfect location together.

A Bryan Adams song will start to play,

and then he'll kiss me.

-Or you could just talk to him now. -

-That's not really part of the plan-- -Oh, Josh!

-Come here! Come here, come here. - M-Madison. Madison.

-Plan. The plan. -I will get right on that.

-Yes. Mm. -

Oh.

Happy birthday.

Thanks, Hot...

Josh. You are so sweet.

Uh, well, I'm-I'm really glad Madison called me over.

There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about.

Really?

-actually. -Yeah?

And...

It's okay.

- -

-Happy birthday, sweetie. -

- -

- Hi, honey. -Uh, just one second.

I'm almost done learning about women

who can't experience intimacy.

Oh.

Uh, Elle.

We have something important we want to talk to you about.

Oh, God.

Is this about Marlena?

- -Wh...

-Which one's Marlena? -S... It's Days of Our Lives.

-Oh. -She's been possessed by pure evil,

so John performed an exorcism on her,

but then she went into cardiac arrest and died.

So, this is, um... it's about your dad.

You remember that nose job I did on... you know?

Oh, of course.

It didn't set.

What do you mean, it didn't set?

Um...

-It kind of... -

Dad, that's social suicide.

I know. She had to drop out of her next movie. It's a mess.

And word's starting to spread that it's my fault,

-there might be a lawsuit-- -So, so...

we are gonna have to lay low for a little bit.

Of course.

I didn't know you were carrying all of this, Dad.

Oh, I'm so glad you feel that way,

because I've had to look for other work.

People in smaller markets that need someone with my background.

That's exactly what you should be doing.

Way to be proactive.

I found a place.

Uh, it's a private practice. Only one other doctor.

I can't afford to be choosy right now.

That's great. What's it called?

-Seattle's Elite. -

Because the other doctor's from Seattle?

Because the practice is in Seattle.

And they're opening an office here?

-No, the office is in Seattle. -And you'll commute to Seattle--

Elle, we're moving to Seattle.

No.

It doesn't sound right.

Just until people forget about this whole situation.

How long will that be?

Couple years.

That's my whole life.

Hey. Hey.

-The Woods family is adaptable. -

-Mm-hmm. -Do you remember when those coyotes

wandered over during my Night Before the Night Before Party?

-Yes. -I told everyone,

"Uh, we imported them for ambiance."

And guess what? We all had a great time.

- We did. -This is just like that.

Except for longer.

- - Hey.

It's nothing a little grief shopping can't fix.

Okay, okay. Here's what you have to do.

You know your dad feels guilty, right?

-Yeah, yeah. -So, you prey on that guilt,

and then you lock it away.

And then you start to collect interest on it

until one day you need something from him,

-and he owes you big-time. -Mm-hmm.

-Wh... that works? -Oh, yeah.

My dad forgot my birthday, like, five years ago,

and now I can have boys over with the door closed.

But that doesn't help me now.

I still have to move to...

I can't even say it.

Seattle.

-Aww. -Hey, we'll talk all the time.

And we'll come visit you.

I've never been to Seattle.

It sounds...

-North. -Yeah?

-Yeah. -Your life is not over.

It's just different.

-Mm-hmm. -Mm-hmm.

-Mm-hmm. -Oh.

-Elle. -I'm coming.

Honey, the movers are almost here.

I see where all my Ferrero Rocher went.

I'm not leaving.

Elle.