Mandy

LOUD SNORING

QUIET CLATTERING

SHE SNORES

CLATTERING

Who's there?

I have nothing of value.

Mm. Seed... or rat droppings?

As I thought.

Rat droppings.

Lola, I've got an infestation!

Oh, no.

Don't worry. The doctor can give you a milkshake to kill their eggs.

And the rest, you can pick out your bum hole with tweezers.

Eh?!

That is the treatment for infestation of worms.

I've not got worms! It's a rat.

In your bum hole?!

No! In me house!

How do I get rid of it?

Well, I think you can get a man round to kill the rat,

but it can be very expensive.

£100 at least.

Oh, I can't afford that.

Well, you can try doing it yourself

by watching YouTube videos and buying traps that don't work.

Maybe you should visit the hardware store at the bottom of the road.

-That's a good idea. -Uh-huh.

How'd you know so much about worms?

A... A friend had them.

Ratata by Skrillex, Missy Elliott, & Mr Oizo

DING!

Got a rat.

I can't help you with that.

For that, you need pest control.

It's completely different companies than this one.

How can I help you?

-Weren't you on the...? -It's for tax purposes.

-How can I help you? -I've got a rat.

I can do a home visit.

£200 plus VAT.

200 quid?! It's a rat, not an anaconda.

Then you can use this expandable foam.

Fill all the holes in your home with this one,

so rat cannot enter into your property.

-How much is this? -It's 5.99 plus VAT.

Yeah, I'll take a couple. Don't want to leave any gaps for it.

Yeah. The man in the shop told me to fill all the gaps in the house.

- What time is Celebrity Round The World Race on?

But I'm a bit worried because I think I've used too much

and I can't get into the bathroom now.

-It really expands a lot. -It's on now. Bye, Mandy.

- Father and son, living it up in the Amazon.

Oh!

QUIET SQUEAKING

- Jeremy and I were really ready for an adventure.

I want to eat, pray, love the hell out of...

JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

It's all right.

They'll never make it to Helsinki by 6 o'clock, will they?

RAT CHITTERS

Do you want some of this?

Come to get my money back on this. I only needed the one.

It expands a lot, doesn't it?

I had to tunnel me way out the front door with a teaspoon.

-Did it get rid of rats? -No.

Spent the evening watching Race Around The World with it.

I quite like it. I think I'll keep it.

You can't keep the rat.

They spread diseases like Black Death and HIV positive.

In that case, you need this rat poison.

Rat will eat it and will just go...

5.99 plus VAT.

Oh, I couldn't kill it.

Not before the series finale.

In that case, you need this.

Human trap? What good is that? I don't want to trap a human.

-Doesn't look big enough. -Not human. It's humane.

It doesn't kill the rat

so you have to take it about two miles away from your house,

otherwise it finds its way back.

What, has it got sat nav, or something?

I'll take it.

Listen, Ratty, I know you can hear me.

I'm really sorry, but you're going to have to leave.

We can either do this the easy way or the hard way.

The easy way,

you walk into this trap,

eat the peanut butter,

and then I take you two miles away.

The hard way,

you do not want to know about.

Oh! Well done, Ratty!

Aww.

- You've reached the voicemail of...

Lola Okinedo Akimbo.

Please leave a message.

BEEP

Hiya, Lola. It's Mandy. Ey, I've caught that rat.

I have to take it two miles away, though.

So you couldn't give me a lift, could you?

Otherwise, I'll have to get the bus.

RAT CHITTERS

Aww.

I can't leave you in there.

Come on.

Two miles away, please.

You ain't got a rat in there, have you?

No.

Good. I hate rats.

Get off, you bloody pervert!

RAT SQUEAKS