The Liability

Whoa!

Oh, you fucking bastards.

Oh fuck.

Ooh.

Oh.

Smile.

You're damn fucking right he won't do it again.

All right? Enjoying that?

- Fucking hell. - You mess with my stuff and I'll mess with yours.

Peter, he's my s... - I ask you to join this conversation?

Get up. Up.

- Peter. - You asked me to deal with it,

- so I'm dealing with it. Come on, you. - Mom.

"Mom, mom." Move.

Get in.

Do you know what goes on in here?

Darts?

Business.

You and me, we're gonna talk business.

Very good for mental arithmetic is darts.

Come here.

- How's your maths, son? - I ain't your son, Peter.

No, but you are my problem.

Go.

Mercedes Benz C-class, £61,000,

minus one Xbox, £150, equals?

- I don't fucking know. - Equals?

Shit me!

Uh uh, 20 thousa...

60... 60,850.

Call it 60. Minimum wage, 18 to 21 years olds is?

Fucking £10 an hour.

You wish. £4.98. We'll call it four.

Four years at minimum wage, eight hours a day.

That's how long it's gonna take you

to pay me fucking back.

I wouldn't get four years if they nicked me for it, you know.

Like I said, you're my problem, not theirs.

Yeah, that's only 'cause you don't

want the feds sniffing around your business, innit?

Innit?

Now what would you know about my business?

Hmm?

Hmm?

Yeah?

Other phone. Other phone.

Yeah?

Do you know who's doing this?

All right, calm down. I said calm down.

Yeah, go on. Fuck off, you, you fucking bully.

Do you know what goes on in here, son?

Fucking business.

What a tit-head.

Oh fucking hell.

Oh, you dirty bastard.

Oh my fucking God.

Shit.

Come on.

Come on, you fucking thing.

- You still here? - Yeah.

You didn't say if we're finished or not.

I've been thinking as well.

Should probably start paying you back today...

Four years and that.

So I could mow the lawn for you if you want.

- Gardner's been. - Oh yeah.

And don't say you'll wash the fucking car.

Don't worry. I'll find something for you to do.

Go.

It's a shit job, isn't it?

I've got something better for you tomorrow.

Oh, don't fucking tell me... The septic tank?

Come here.

I've been thinking

about the conversation we had earlier.

I think you're right.

I think you should take more responsibility.

A guy I know needs a driver.

Okay.

- Cool. - Interest you?

Mmm. Why, what's he drive?

Different jobs, different cars.

His name's Roy.

You'll meet him tomorrow morning at 6:00.

- 6:00?! - There's always the septic tank.

Okay, right. Yup.

I'll be there.

Good.

Now listen, uh...

Let's keep this to ourselves, eh? Just you and me.

I'll sort out your mom. Don't worry.

Lunch money.

And, Adam...

Don't fuck this up.

Fucking h...

Fucking hell.

Dominating the headlines this morning

the story of another victim in what the press have dubbed

"the handyman murders."

Just north of newcastle late last night...

Anything else?

9.38 please.

Roy, yeah?

That's the last time I wanna hear you say my name.

Okay.

What do I call you instead then? Ray?

Nope.

What's wrong with ray? It's not your name.

Ah. Ray, Roy...

It's too similar. Too easy.

So how do I attract your attention?

Well, it's just me and you in the car. I'll assume you're talking to me.

Okay, so we go to the services for a bite to eat

I see a truck nearly run you over. What do I call you then?

Just shout, "oi."

You want me to call you "oi"?

No, okay, yeah.

Roy, oi.

Fair enough. Keys?

Oh-ho. Right, I'm onto it.

Come on, you fucking...

You should've let me pick you one, man.

Could've got you something much cooler than this thing.

There we go.

So where we off to?

A14, A1.

Okay, I'll just need a postcode. Let's get the sat-nav.

A14 west, A1 north.

I'll let you know when we get there.

Do you mind if I stick the radio on, mate?

Where is it?

Police in northumberland have released information

regarding the discovery of a body on the A1.

- Oh, the A1. Boom. - They believe the victim is linked

to a string of murders that have been happening...

- Uh, testing. - Which means?

Which means we'll have to start talking like this, pet!

Which means cops.

Oh yeah, 'cause of that, um...

Handyman fella.

It's all over the news, isn't it?

What's that you're reading then?

Ooh, a speech.

Is that what you do then, is it? Make speeches?

I fit kitchens.

You're making a speech about fitting kitchens?

It's a long journey, man. I'm just trying to make conversation.

I can drive with them in.

- Turn it off. - It's only music.

- Wind your window down. - What?

Wind your window down!

You got that switched on, they know exactly where you are.

- It was a birthday present. - Well, it's you or the phone. It's your choice.

Okay. Can I keep the headphones?

500 fucking quid.

Stop here.

- Do you need any backup? - Not to eat my lunch.

- You want some? - Nah.

Oh, go on then.

Oh man.

- It's moldy! - It's cheese.

I don't think I'll be out here again.

Well, you never know with your job.

No, I'm done.

Retiring?

My daughter's getting married.

You know how much a wedding costs these days?

I thought we might be on to something.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

I always wanted to fit kitchens.

Well, it all comes down to the same thing.

Details. There's your D.N.A.

I knew a guy once,

he got hired on for a job.

It should've been a simple job,

but at a tense moment, he licked his lips.

That's all it took.

They got his D.N.A. From saliva on his ski mask.

With that, they could put him at the job.

And if they could put him at the job, then they could put other people at the job.

- So that was that. - What, they did him in?

What I'm saying is

for a guy to get along in this world,

he has to be very very careful.

- Same goes with your dad. - No, he's not my dad.

What do you call him then? The guy that screws your mom?

Fuck.

Ah!

Are you gonna tell me what we're up to?

- Right, you can stay here. - Oh man.

You keep an eye out. All right?

If someone comes along, pretend you're walking your dog.

- All right? Shout "rover." - Rover?

Yeah. What?

It's just not very believable,

guy like me with a dog called rover.

All right, you choose a name.

Psycho.

Psycho.

Yeah, mate of mine in sinfin calls his staff that.