Boys' Night Out

Time for another round before the train?

Just about, but personally I wouldn't know where to put it.

To tell you the truth, neither would I.

Hey, Mr. Slattery.

The tab please.

Well, there goes another Thursday night down the drain,

thanks to you hotshots.

We should have gone bowling.

I said that three hours ago.

Bowling. Bowling's the drag of all time.

Why? It's a good, clean, wholesome hobby.

That's what I mean.

I keeping tell you guys, we have got to plan ahead

for these nights in town.

Or we'll always wind up like this.

Well, what's to plan we haven't had

up to here six Thursdays ago?

Personally, I'm embarrassed to tell Joanne

how nowhere these nights out are.

Well, at least it gets you jokers

out of the compound one night a week.

That's the main object, isn't it?

Mr. Slattery...

How come you don't provide your steady customers

with more glamorous dissipation?

If you're not satisfied beer, buster, order champagne,

brandy, cremme de menthe.

You name it, I got it.

Here's the rocker: 14.85, including tax.

Start fumbling.

"Glamorous."

Maybe we should have taken the 9:15 home.

We could have saved ourselves a couple of bucks.

Fuzzy thinking, pal. Once we take the early train,

they'll expect us home early every Thursday.

And you guys couldn't afford to set a dangerous precedent

like that...

Keep talking.

What's with you?

Keep talking, man. Keep talking.

Hello, darling. Hi, sweetie.

You look beautiful.

Have you been waiting long?

No. You look gorgeous.

Do we owe any money at the bar?

You've been a good girl.

Alright, Freddie, you can come out now.

He didn't see me, did he?

No, I'd say he had other things on his mind.

Yeah, and I can tell you what they are,

in, uh, alphabetical order.

Who is that guy anyway?

That was my boss.

So what? You weren't doing anything wrong.

No, but he is.

Look, he's got himself this pad over on the East Side now.

A home away from home.

Oh. How does he get away with it?

Well, he set it up with his wife out in Stamford

that there's a staff meeting every Thursday night

that goes on to the wee, small hours.

Since he has to be back at his desk

bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Friday morning...

You see, Fred: brains.

That's what makes a successful executive:

brains and a good night's sleep every Thursday.

That's why you're working for him.

Now, that's what I call a worthwhile hobby.

Beats running to make the 11:35.

Beats walking to make the 11:35.

It beats the 11:35.

Alright, men, on your feet.

Unless you want to hitchhike home to Connecticut.

Let's see who owes what here.

George, how many beers did you have?

No time for bookkeeping now, Howie. You pick up the tab,

and we'll split it four ways.

Oh, sure.

So the old rascal's got himself a pad in town, eh?

With peach fuzz upholstery and built-in moonlight.

A regular Shangri-la.

But with plumbing.

Accounting-wise,

what do you think the tab would come to

on a setup like that, Howie?

The main trouble is you can't put her

on any legitimate deductible basis.

Food and drink, you could always put on the swindle sheet.

And the rest you take out of petty cash.

Well, let's see, huh?

Rent, on a halfway decent pad stands you four fifty,

utilities, phone,

maid, part-time probably, cleaning and laundry,

Social Security...

No, wait a minute. No Social Security.

No withholding, either.

Tips, incidentals, uh, contingencies, depreciation...

Roughly, 900 to 950 per month.

Tilt.

It can't be that much.

It breaks down to about 225 dollars per Thursday.

Any other questions?

Do you think she was a natural redhead,

or was that a dye job?

It's hard to say.

Of course, I can always ask the boss.

Ah, she probably wasn't.

Wrong, uh, skin texture.

No. You can't always go by that.

There was this fabulous redhead

I met on a boat to New Orleans one time.

The first night out there came this...

And we never did find that other shoe.

Greenwich is the next stop.

The next station stop is Greenwich.

Even cutting corners, the smallest monthly overhead

you could get away with, according to my figures,

is, 610 dollars and 48 cents.

That's a great deal more like it.

Well, what's the 48 cents for?

For the girl, what else?

Boy, it looks like the Indians were here.

Yeah, anybody got a car?

It was supposed to be your turn.

I know, but Toni had to take the kids...

Why didn't you say something earlier?

We could have made other arrangements.

Don't make a federal case out of it.

We'll grab a cab a split it four ways. Sure.

"Four ways."

"Four ways."

You know something?

- I was just wondering... - Yeah, I was too.

Howie, how would it come to splitting it four ways.

Not much. A buck and a half a piece. With the tip.

Not the cab, bird brain, the pad.

You mean like a joint venture? One pad for the four of us?

Sure. Yeah.

Hypothetically, of course.

And one hypothetical blonde?

Just for the sake of argument.

How much, Howie?

Are you guys bucking for the snake pit?

Thirty-eight dollars and 16 cents per week per man,

figuring four weeks to the month.

Say, that's not too steep, is it, George?

Yeah, no steeper than the mortgage payments

on your home.

Actually, it's a shade less,

figuring four and a half weeks to the month.

Yeah, but still in all, an outlay that size,

I'd probably have to take up with my wife.

Wait a minute. Do you know what I did forget?

Clothes.

Clothes? What clothes?

For the blonde.

Of course, I could estimate on the basis

of Joanne's clothes budget.

You'd have to spend a lot more than that.

Nothing doing. I'm not dressing her better than my wife.

Why not?

My conscience would bother me.

Hi, darling! Hi!

Who was an Egyptian Pharaoh, the Sixth Dynasty,

known as "The Unspeakable"?

Irving K. Snodgrass.

Oh, Georgie, don't you know anything?

There are a number of things I happen to know.

Whether I believe it or not, of course there are, dear.

Hey, I got it!

Keptu-Karmak. That's right.

K-E-P-T-U-

Aren't you even gonna ask me if whether I...

had a good time tonight. I certainly am.

Did you have a good time tonight, dear?

...M-A-K.

Well, it started out alright, then we...

Ended up in Slattery's trying to figure out what to do.

Sort of. We couldn't make up our minds...

Whether or not to go bowling?

Where are you going, George? To finish something.

Finish what? A sentence!

Ah, Georgie. Come on. Come on back.

Come to bed.

Why should I?

Because you're an irresistible man.

And besides, my feet are cold.

Don't skulk, son. It makes you look silly.

Hi, doll. I just didn't want to wake you.

Why, that's ridiculous. I'm wide awake, as you can plainly see.

I made you a sandwich. Come on in the kitchen.

Okay. I could use one.

What kind of a day did you have today?

Miserable.

Well, why?

What happened?

The alumnae bulletin came today,

and the rabbits got into the flower garden again.

Oh, give it up, Mom. It's a losing battle.

I don't like them, Fred. I don't like them one little bit.