Perry Mason: The Case of the Poisoned Pen

Was.

He expecting you?

Yes, he is.

Room 308.

Which direction?

Down the hall.

Breaking and entering?

Yep.

Nope.

Mr. Fulmer?

I'll call the paramedics.

Don't bother.

Call them more.

Call them more.

It is my distinct pleasure to open the initial session of this conference by

first introducing four of the brightest stars in the mystery novel firmament.

First, I'd like you to meet the creator of that delicious librarian sleuth,

Edwina Crutchfield, the brilliant Martha Robertson.

I've known Martha for years.

Don't you just love her books?

No.

Oh, I do.

And now, the man who's made Cruz Suarez a household name, one of the first writers

to have created a Latino detective with mass popular appeal, Mr. Michael Garcia.

Now, he's good.

Oh, it's too violent.

Everybody's favorite ex-policeman and the logical successor to Hamilton Chandler, the one and only Max Mulgrew.

I used to read all his books.

Not me.

And you're a woman.

A young lady who's added a dash of spice to the mystery novel recipe.

Miss Rita Sue Bliss.

Her books are practically pornographic.

How would you know?

I've read every one of them.

This afternoon, as you know, is the true crime story.

And the example we'll be using is the current bestseller, A Passionate Death.

Oh, uh, A Passionate Death, based on the notorious Blaisdell murder case.

And now I am pleased to present the man who later this evening will be presented

with our annual Wilkie Award for Lifetime Achievement, the author of A Passionate Death, Mr.

Bradley Thompson.

Thank you, Jason.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Uh, before we take questions, I thought I'd share with you some of the

difficulties of transferring a real crime to the pages of a book.

Now, naturally, one can't just say, set down what could be a tedious

transcription of the trial, and on the other hand, one mustn't distort the truth.

In fact, the prime obligation of the writer is to strictly adhere to the actual facts of the case.

Unbelievable.

You have a problem with that, mister?

Mr. Malansky, is it?

No, please, go right ahead.

Mr. Malansky, if you have any objection to what I've said, I think we'd all like to hear it.

I don't really think this is the time or the place.

You have read my book, Mr. Malansky?

Every word.

I'm not surprised, since it was your employer who convinced the jury that his

client, Angela Blaisdell, was innocent of the murders.

She was innocent.

As I say in my book.

That's not all you said.

I should hope not, or it wouldn't have sold 200,000 copies in the first month.

Now, please, tell us.

What's on your mind?

All right.

You were just talking about the writer's responsibility to adhere to the truth.

Why didn't you do that in The Passionate Death?

You didn't like my book, did you, Mr. Malansky?

No, I hated it.

That's a bit harsh, isn't it?

I don't think so.

Allow me to refresh your recollection.

Oh, I'm sorry, son.

I didn't realize we were back in the courtroom.

Angela Blaisdell was accused of murdering her millionaire husband, Jack,

and his married lover, Helen Fulmer.

Perry Mason was able to prove that three other people had as much motive and

opportunity to kill the victims as had Angela Blaisdell.

The basis of Mr. Mason's defense was that there was reasonable

doubt as to the guilt of the defendant, Angela Blaisdell.

I covered that in the book.

In your book, Mr. Thompson, you left no doubt...

The killer was Anthony Fulmer, the husband of the murdered woman.

A writer must bring his own point of view to everything he writes.

And just what is your point of view about Anthony Fulmer's suicide four months ago?

You seem to forget, Miss Street, that it was your very own Perry Mason who

originally raised the possibility of Anthony Fulmer's guilt.

He established that someone other than Angela Blaisdell could have committed those crimes.

That's right.

Mr. Mason never accused Fulmer, but you did.

You tried and convicted him in your book.

Have you never heard of artistic license, Mr. Malansky?

Have you ever heard of professional or moral responsibility, Mr. Thompson?

I think we've gotten a little off track here.

I really thought we were going to be discussing somewhat more generalized subjects.

I've said all I have to say.

But if this were a courtroom, I would now move for a directed verdict.

A direct verdict of guilty.

Well, I say let's do it.

Let's vote.

All in favor of guilty?

Hold it.

Ah, Miss Street, Mr. Malansky, have you met everyone yet?

Not yet, but there's no hurry.

Ah, nonsense.

This is a party.

Everybody should know.

We know everybody.

Ah, Rebecca, this is Miss Della Street, Mr. Kenneth Malansky, Rebecca Austin.

Miss Austin?

Miss Street, Mr. Malansky, are you also a writer, Miss Austin?

Well, I'm trying to be.

Right now I work for Brad Thompson.

Oh.

Oh, um, look, I know how it must have sounded this afternoon, but we happen to feel very strongly about...

I'm sure that we all feel very strongly about certain things, Mr.

Malansky, but that doesn't give us the right to resort to personal attacks.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

We're the hit of the party.

Della.

Oh, Martha.

I know this isn't the place, but sometime this weekend we've got to catch up.

Absolutely, dear.

Uh, Ken, this is Martha Robinson, my dear friend, Ken Malansky.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I have to thank you both for this afternoon's entertainment.

I can't remember when I had a better time.

I take it you're not a big Brad Thompson fan, either.

Well, you know how with some people you have to get to know them to really like them.

Well, I think with Brad, you have to have been married to him to hate him.

You were married to Brad Thompson?

Yes.

Seven years, 46 days, and three hours.

Yeah?

Well, I'd rather be a has-been than a thief like you.

Max, have you any idea what an embarrassment you are?

You rotten, miserable phony.

It's the first time I've ever known you willingly give up your booze.

Oh.

Oh, come here.

Take it easy.

Come on, Max.

Take it easy.

All right.

Thank you, Mike.

Forget it.

I should have let him knock your brains out.

Are you all right?

Not so bad, though I never did acquire a taste of scotch.

I'll go get you a towel.

And another Margarita, please, love.

Now I'm really having a good time.

I'll have another one, sweet pea.

Not too elegant, Max, but still effective.

Excuse me.

I have to compliment Max on his age.

I like your style and your damn good shot.

Give me a double.

Look up and smile.

I think I'll freshen up before dinner.

You look fresh to me.

Later.

Bradley, darling, I just wanted to tell you that I thought you handled yourself with a lot of class just then.

If a man threw a drink in my face, he'd end up walking funny for a whole month.

I'm overwhelmed.

That's the nicest thing you've said to me in years.

That's the only thing I've said to you in years.

Excuse me.

I forgot my purse.

Anti-wrinkle cream.

Good luck.

And people always say such nasty things about you.

For the laugh of me, I can't understand why.

Is everything all right here?

Why wouldn't it be?

Here I am, surrounded by my closest friends.

What could be more pleasant?

Let's get out of here.

Well, are we having fun yet?

And, as you are all aware, our Wilkie Award for Lifetime Achievement is named

after Wilkie Collins, the famous 19th century English novelist who is credited with inventing the modern mystery novel.

So, what could be more appropriate than presenting this year's award to the

versatile Renaissance man who practically reinvented the form?

No one has created so many different detectives and investigators and has

written in so many different but always brilliant styles.

I am honored to present this year's award.

To Mr. Bradley Thompson.

Thank you, Jason.

And thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Jason spoke about my so-called versatility.

Well, I think that I would have died of boredom.

If I had to keep writing about the same detective over and over again.

I think that the one thing that kept me going is always setting myself new...

Is there a doctor here?

Sorry.

I'm afraid he's dead.

But.

To continue, ladies and gentlemen, I realize this is a very late hour, but there again, this is a very serious matter.

Contrary to what you all may believe, Mr. Thompson did not die of a heart attack or, in fact, from any natural cause.

Mr. Thompson, I'm sad to say, was poisoned to death.