Battle Circus

- Captain, who's surgical officer today? - Webbe, Pre-op.

- How we doing soldier? - Not too bad major.

Penetrating chest wound.

- Much pain here when you breathe? - Yes sir.

Get this man to surgery as soon as the table's open.

Got a special case for you Jed.

The line forms to the right on special cases.

- This one was hit only 20 minutes ago. - Oh?

Hey, Bill?

- What exactly are your duties sergeant? - Keep the circus moving ma'am.

Anything else?

Like most soldiers, I try to stay alive lieutenant.

Sure glad to see you lieutenant.

- Thanks a lot. - Hiya soldier?

A girl...

- Cigarette? - Yeah.

Come on, go on, go.

Get down.

All right, down. Hit the dirt, down.

Oh.

What are you trying to do, win the war single-handed?

Those men, they could've been killed.

Unhappily lieutenant, we always have plenty of casualties but never enough nurses.

- But a nurse's duty... - There's the all clear.

But a nurse's duty to a hospital is to see...

The duty of this hospital is to save what casualties we have, not to make new ones.

- You just get in? - Yes sir.

Ruth Mccara, replacement from Tokyo, reporting for duty sir.

I'm glad to have you aboard.

Those are your quarters over there, latrine is to the right, the showers are to the left.

The front is up to the north a little way but I wouldn't rush right up there.

The generals got things pretty well in hand.

- Yes sir. - Please stop doing that, will you?

- Did you get the class 6? - No sir, no written orders, no scotch.

- You're losing your touch. - I did bring the 3 nurses though.

Our army's secret weapon.

- You sound like I better find you a bottle. - Major? Phone, division surgeon.

It doesn't have to be full, you know.

We'll be operational at new area Dog sugar 6-7-4-2...

2-7-4-0. 1200 tomorrow.

- Better get your show on the road. - How soon? I say how soon?

- Right away. - Move at night?

That's up to you.

I said, that's up to you.

- You know the capabilities of your own unit. - Yes sir.

- Better get your rubes out. - Which way do we go? Up or back?

- Up. Let's see, we're here, up to here. - Got it.

We want to dodge off the highway by dirt road.

For evacuation of patients there's a railroad spur about one mile to the west, right here.

- Move out at dawn as usual. - No, now.

By the time I get this show on wheels, it'll be dark.

What's that to do? Interfere with your sack time?

No sir.

Colonel Whalters won't want us to move out at night.

Well, when he gets back, he can change my orders.

Call the base depot, get colonel Whalters on the phone.

Well, I'll go up by copter and take a look at the new position.

You're in charge until either I or Whalters get back.

Evacuate all transportable patients, here's the dope.

Right.

- Any luck? - No sir, not yet.

Major...

Nothing sir.

What's the matter? Can't you get these tents up at night?

Oh yes sir, we can get them up, if you can get them there.

- I can't locate colonel Whalters sir. - Well, keep trying.

Yes sir.

If I place the receiving tent down there, east to west...

how does that affect your landing strip?

Seems Ok.

All right, let's go home.

- Mash 66 to windmill 13951, over. - Mash 66.

Windmill 13951 to mash 66, go ahead, over.

Pick up casualty, take him to base hospital.

Position of casualty, Hill 212. Repeat, 212.

Area marked by smoke bomb. Cautios, enemy rifle fire. Over.

Bring him over here.

There's a couple more up there major.

- One is our medic. - What?

There's a couple more up there major, one is our medic.

- Radio said there was only one casualty. - That was 10 minutes ago.

A medic is not supposed to get hit.

That boy is hurt pretty bad Rusty, put him in the other pod.

This man goes in the cockpit.

We'll try to keep them down, so long. Thank you.

Herb, keep them covered until they get out.

- How is the shower? - Cold honey, cold as a brass monkey.

Center poles down.

All right, pull out.

- Center poles down. - Center poles down.

- Side poles. - Side poles.

- Down. - Down.

- Heave. - Heave.

Heave.

Ok, take it out of here.

Excuse me, I think the war is over.

Well, the tents are coming down, I just saw them.

Hit that road, tote that barge, pack, unpack, move, stop.

Move? I just got unpacked.

Tough, we've only been here 4 days ourselves.

Don't we get any notice before we have to move?

- Front lines move, we move. - Yeah, but 7 moves in 23 days?

- You got to keep loose in the army. - It's kind of like a real circus, isn't it?

Hey, did you hear?

- Yeah, the war is over. - Orders say we're moving tonight.

- May I, honey? - No, you smell already.

- Why at night? - Oh, Jed's orders.

- Since when major Webbe become Jed to you? - Oh, I'll get a ring out of him yet honey.

- Where? Through your nose? - May I, honey?

Toilet water.

Say, this major Webbe, what kind of a person is he?

- Why? - I met him.

- Oh? - Oh brother, whatever I did, it was wrong.

- What is it you did honey? - Nothing, absolutely nothing.

I was tending some sick soldiers and suddenly he attacks me.

In broad daylight?

Don't do this, do this. Don't do that, do that.

Oh, May I have my comb? Thank you.

What's the matter? Doesn't he like nurses or something?

Oh, he likes them fine, but only in their place.

- It's a good thing to remember honey. - You too honey.

- Heard from colonel Whalters yet? - No sir, not yet.

- All the patients evacuated? - Will be by morning.

- You all set? - Yes sir.

- Ok, move out. - Yes sir.

Ok, wind them up, wind them up.

- Wind them up. - Hit the road, hit the road.

10-minute break.

Lieutenant, smoking lamps out.

Major. Oh, major...

- Oh, major? - Are they going together?

No, she's strictly bush league stuff.

We were worried about you Jed.

I, I mean, you getting trapped on that hill and risking your life.

Yeah...

Yeah, I'll tell him when I see him.

Down, everybody, down.

Get down.

- Major. - Yeah?

Hit the road, move out.

- Are you all right? - Yes sir, I think so.

Except every time we meet you knock me down.

Well, I didn't want you getting a purple heart so soon.

No sir, just black and blue.

About this morning, I didn't mean to get in the way.

- Forget it. - Yes sir.

What's a girl like you doing in Korea anyway?

- Getting in the war like everybody else. - Everybody else?

What do the people back home know about war or us...

Or what it like over here?

- Not much, I guess. - Less, nothing.

Slogging along in the mud and the rain, surrounded by the enemy.

Frostbites in the wintertime, mosquito bites in the summertime.

No sleep, no peace.

No hot meals, no women...

- no women... - Wait a minute.

I beg your pardon.

Oh brother, now I heard everything.

Maybe I am a dumb rookie and an eager beaver, ok?

Maybe I don't know enough to keep my head down, but I do know a pass when I see one.

In Pennsylvania, I'm the best little interceptor of passes you ever saw.

- You ever fumble one? - No.

- Never a fumble? - Well...

- Oh, that's too bad. - Oh boy, I've heard all kinds of lines.

From misunderstood husbands to guys who just want to fondle me like a sister.

Oh, but your line. They gave me a gun, war is hell.

- A little too obvious, eh? - Oh no sir, just sneaky, that's all.

All right, drop them.

Line them up by me here. Line them up good. Drop it.

- Side poles up. - Side poles up.

- Center poles up. - Center poles up.

Ok, move out.

Make sure to hit all those puddles.

- Colonel Whalters with you? - Over there.

Good morning colonel.

You've had yourself a busy time.

Nobody in this man's army can get himself in so much trouble as you in so short a time.

- Why thank you, comes naturally, you know. - It's not funny.

- No sir. - Moving out at night, getting ambushed.

That little episode with the chopper, you had no business being there in the first place...

- in the second place, you might've shot up. - They say it happens in a war.

Colonel, casualties coming in heavy.

- Dobbs, get me a cap and gown. - Yes sir.

Looks like you did the right thing moving last night.

If you were a little more military, you'd be running one of these outfits yourself.

I don't want to run anything colonel or anybody at any time.

We're going to have company.

Thank you.

First he'll look around like there's no place to sit.

When he gets here, he'll make like it's a big surprise.

- Stay here. - Not me.

Don't go away, please.

Well, good morning.

Morning, major. Morning, major.

- Well, this is a pleasant surprise. - Yes, it's a small world.

- Well... - Me too.

Oh, just a minute.

Are you handling the Korean refugees?

Just the typhoid and typhus inoculations, yes sir.

Oh, that's very important, you better not keep them waiting.