Shameless

Wanna know what happened on Shameless last year?

- Brothers, jails, drugs... - I came out.

- He came out. Yes. - The hospital.

Fiona! He's not breathing!

Oh, my God. He got into my coke.

You have the right to remain silent.

I'm not guilty!

Liam almost died!

How do you plead? - I'm guilty.

You will be under house arrest until further notice.

- My liver is finally giving out. - Want me to steal one?

I'm not ready to punch my ticket yet.

We're not a match.

- Even my own daughter isn't a match. - Daughter?

This is Amy and that's Jemma.

The nurses left me like we know what the fuck we're doing.

I'm not a little girl. I'm ready.

- Does this make you cray? - Uh...

You're too young.

Oh, my God.

- Where the hell were you? - The Army.

- Why did you even go there? - Relationship issues.

Sick of living a lie?

I just want everybody here to know I'm fucking gay.

All right. - You happy now?

College is a lot harder than it looks. You actually have to apply yourself.

Who exactly is Amanda? My roommate's ex-girlfriend...

tried to blow me in my sleep. She buys me shit.

Sounds like a keeper.

No more bullshit about baby. You help.

It's after 5. How can...? - Leave me alone!

It could be bipolar disease like our mom. He may have to be hospitalized.

No fucking way. He's staying with me.

Fiona never came home.

- She violated probation. - I fucked up.

It is my honor to declare you man and wife.

I need everybody to move. - He's getting a liver.

Mrs. Gallagher?

We're married?

- Let me see my father, you bitch! - No!

You're camping in my yard?

The vacant lot next to your yard.

Get your stuff. You're out.

Twenty-three. Can't be about how much they screwed us up.

- Sounds kind of like AA. - Attendance is a condition of my parole.

- Let's go. You're gonna be late for work. - Thanks.

- Are you gonna go inside? - No.

I'm alive, motherfucker!

- Sheils. - Hmm?

What's he doing in our bed?

Who?

Him. His pecker's been poking me in the back.

Oh.

Sammi picked up some guy at the Alibi last night...

and kicked Chuckie out of her trailer.

Karen's room.

I tucked him in there.

He must have crawled in in the middle of the night.

Well, he's gotta uncrawl.

Ow.

Chuckie, why didn't you stay in Karen's room?

I had a bad dream.

Well, you might as well get up and get ready for school.

And you, mister, meds and vitals.

I can't. I gotta work on my project. Busy.

Frank. Meds and vitals now.

Why are they tearing it down? - Asbestos.

All right, I'm leaving. I've seen enough.

Give me a ride home at the back of that thing.

Can't. Gotta run an errand then school.

- I'm not. - It's the last day. You have to go.

So I can figure out I flunked sixth grade again?

I'll do that next year. Come on, give me a ride.

You can't fit on my bike with that giant gimp leg.

These crutches are killing my wrists. I can't even jack off well.

You should have thought about that before you busted up your ankle.

See you.

Looks pretty good, huh?

It's perfect.

Except for one thing.

What?

- Uh-oh. - Mm-hm.

Looks like we're stuck in here forever.

- Yeah. - Because we're trapped.

No way out. SEAN: Yeah. That's right, we're trapped.

We're never gonna see any one at Patsy's Pies ever again.

Liam, this is our new home now.

Okay.

I'm gonna get the ladder. FIONA: Mm-hm.

Don't twist an ankle.

Please.

Shall we? Ah!

- I'm okay. - Impressive.

Thank you. LIAM: Impressive.

Thank you.

You ready to fill this sucker, Liam?

Yes.

Right on. Here you go.

All right. Attached this end to the fire hydrant.

How are we gonna open the valve?

Gallagher ingenuity.

- You got one of those lying around? - You don't? Come on.

Okay.

All right. Liam, step aside. Screw it here.

- You wanna help? - Mm-hm.

All right. Yeah. Watch your fingers.

Here it comes.

- No, no, no. Come on, I'm your fucking boss. - Yes.

Oh, no, no. I may not have hired you, but I sure as hell can fire you.

- No. No. No. - Yeah.

- All right, give me that. Give me that. - No.

Headshot. No!

- Oh, God! Oh, my God. - Come on.

Get him.

Boom, I say, boom!

How did you get so wet?

- Don't you gotta go? - I do.

In fact, I gotta go take my son to school. Come on, I gotta get Will.

- All right, tell him I say hi. - I will.

I'll see you for dinner. All right. LIAM: Okay.

That's right!

We get it, moron. School's out.

You're not even packed?

You look cute.

It's summer.

- You have a suitcase? - It's right there.

- Louis Vuitton? - No, it's, uh, Gucci.

- What are you doing? - Filling out an application to be RA in the fall.

Really? KUZNER: Resident asshole.

Why not? Free room and board, all the beer I can confiscate.

You could stay with me at my off-campus apartment.

My dad's paying. That makes it free.

You mean like live together?

Isn't that what we've been doing?

Yeah, but you got your own dorm room.

I'm gonna miss my plane.

Look, uh, have a good summer, man, yeah?

You too, dude.

It's been real.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

It's the only one I could find in all that crap in the yard.

Ah. Put it in the window.

You want scrambled or fried?

I like those puffy eggs you make.

- Hey, Nika, we got baked eggs today. - Okay.

Food is food. All the same to me. SVETLANA: Come on.

- Why's the baby crying? - Look at you.

Phew. Diaper full of poop.

Is that what happened?

You don't want him covered in baby shit on his first day at work.

We have baked eggs in the oven.

Hey, moron, truck ready?

Yup.

Stare any longer I chop your dicks off.

Time to go play nicey-nice with surrogates.

Meet them at the ultrasound.

- They still think you're a teacher? - Wheels on the bus go round and round.

Amazing what people with money will pay for.

After ultrasound I go to open rub-and-tug.

- Feed Yev breakfast then go to grocery store. - Got it.

Hey, Patel hit one of the girls yesterday, left without pay.

- Dry-cleaner Patel? - Uh-huh.

I'll take care of it.

Let's go.

No. No, no. No guns.

Look... No hardware.

It's not that kind of job.

We're respectable now. Remember?

I don't even want this.

I'll meet you at the place later, okay?

- I'll be there. - You better be.

- What the hell? I'm in here. - Gotta pee bad.

What's the point? Nothing's happening anyway.

Are you taking the medications?

Yes!

What are those for?

Antirejection, ulcers, hypertension...

high blood pressure, depression, headaches, diuretic...

and apparently I need one for constipation now too.

A lot of pee.

Held it all night.

Are you weighing yourself? I don't hear the scale.

I hear the scale now.

One-55.

It says 147.

One-55.

You lie to your notebook?

Your grandmother doesn't need to know I've lost weight.

Blood pressure. - Oh, Jesus!

Why can't you girls just make this easy for me just once?

Girl, here, give me that thing. Here.

Mama, stop. I'm not a cow.

Look, you've got to grab this tit and you've got to massage it...

- till you get the milk ducts flowing, girl. - I know how to do it. Stop.

How are my four favorite ladies doing and my little man?

Well, I got them big brown flying saucers working.

That's right, Dominique, our job here is done.

- Bye-bye, D. - Say bye-bye.

- Bye-bye, D. - Bye-bye.

Ow! Amy, you're biting me again.