Boston Legal

You know, they can never tell whether I know what I'm doing or not.

- Can you tell? - Not really.

- We have a reputation here at crane, poole & schmidt. -

The attorneys here take great pride in that reputation.

It undermines everyone at crane, poole & schmidt...

- Stop it! - So you're Shirley schmidt of crane, poole &...

- Schmidt. - Alan shore. It's a pleasure.

Denny crane. Oh!

I once had a torrid, torrid affair with that woman.

- First, everybody knows that. - Second, the word would be "horrid."

You don't know me, Alan shore, not as well as you think.

- How are you? - You killed again!

You got blood on my hands that will never come out. Friends don't do that!

Do not start a war with me here! You may not win it!

We look good together. Yes, we do.

And now, the season premiere of Boston legal.

Denny, we look good, right? We look great.

Did she say what kind of case? Wrongful termination.

The employer was trying to enforce his religion or something.

The plaintiff quit and sued. And it's going to trial?

You have to get me in to meet her. You simply must.

How did you even know she was here? Don't be ridiculous.

There's a web site that tracks her as sure as I am little.

If I could just get a peek, a little whiff.

Why are you here, Bernard? Well, never mind me.

The black widow is here. She's in your office as we speak,

as sure as I am little.

The woman who murdered her husband? You make it sound so ordinary.

It was the way she did it. They were concubining.

She's in there with Brad. Evidently, she fired her last lawyer.

And for whatever reason, she wants you.

Denny, the conference call with Jack meyers has begun... you take it.

The black widow is here. I can't take it. I'm in a meeting.

Which means that you have to take it.

And since this man pays us over two million dollars a year...

Not everything is about money, Shirley. Sometimes, sex counts too.

It used to count with you. One minute, you couldn't get enough of me.

The next, you lose interest. What happened, Shirley? I need to know.

They invented color television.

You and me, in my office. Give me two minutes.

If you could last three, I might consider it.

In the meantime, Jack meyers... not now.

The black widow gets me first.

I'm not saying that we can't win, Walter.

I'm saying it's not likely and that we should settle.

It's my company, Denise, and i'm tired of apologizing for my faith.

You can't have the Bible be assigned reading in the workplace.

Denny crane.

You've come to the right firm. I can tell you that...

My god. You're even more striking in person.

Who is this man, and why is his face about to explode?

Kelly Nolan, this is Denny crane.

Success has caused his head to swell.

It'll be an honor to defend your honor.

Has anybody ever told you how incredibly beautiful you are?

Never. Could you excuse us, please?

Certainly you'd want me by your side at this trial.

I'm sure you're very sweet, but old men tend to die on me.

I'm Denny crane. No bigger ass... asset.

- You want me at your table. - Look, we're sort of busy here.

Seems like you're deliberately challenging us to dislike you.

Mr. Shore, the media has painted me as the "black widow,"

the gold digger who's poisoned her 70-year-old rich husband.

If they can prove I was having an affair, I'll be hated.

I'll be needing a jury to look beyond the hatred and see that I'm innocent.

I suppose I'm first looking for an attorney who could do the same.

I can. My god, you're sexy.

How about you go back to your office?

I'll have a pair of my pants delivered.

You can try and get in them on your own time. She's wicked.

I love it.

I think we can agree, the last thing you need...

Is to be depicted in open court as a sexual predator.

I've already been vilified as such, Shirley.

Court represents my only means to clear my name.

Adam, while we may win this trial,

we don't have the means to prove your innocence.

If I settle this, people will presume guilt.

More importantly, my colleagues will.

I'm a respected surgeon, for god's sake.

I don't jump out of alleys to fondle people.

Look, the district attorney refused even to bring charges.

That tells you how ridiculous this whole thing is.

There's a higher burden of proof in criminal cases. This is civil.

All she needs to establish is a preponderance of evidence.

- If she's convincing in her testimony... - How can she be?

- The woman is mute. - I beg your pardon?

The plaintiff can't speak. She's mute.

It's in the file. So it's my word,

my truthful word, against her lying affidavit.

Opposing counsel is coming in this afternoon.

- If I can make this go away... - She has to walk away. I'm not giving her a dime.

- He knew about your affair? - Yes.

The only rule he had was for me to be discreet.

Which you weren't.

And your boyfriend Justin...

- Ex-boyfriend. We're no longer together. - Mmm.

- That pleases you? - It does.

Why don't you talk to him? I'll pay a visit to the housekeeper.

- And, Denny... - I'll look after Kelly.

I can see you're aroused.

You might consider the last man to make love to her died while doing so.

I'll take my chances.

You two will sit at the table, offer the appearance of a formidable defense team,

thereby suggesting that Walter edmunds has this firm's full resources at his disposal.

Garrett, plaintiff's interrogatory responses.

Review them. Know them before the deposition.

Sara, I want you to research whether or not...

A civil rights claim can even exist absent state action.

Oh, I'll need your memo by noon. Mr. Lewiston has me on the Shepard closing.

Right. Now you're off it. Go.

I'll talk to Mr. Lewiston.

Denise?

Tim. You, uh... you got a second?

Actually, no. Is it important?

Well, um... what?

I didn't want to have a process server deliver...

I thought I should at least, um...

You're filing for divorce?

Well, it's not something we both didn't, you know, expect.

I just... look, as a courtesy...

You wanted to see my expression? It wasn't that. Denise...

It's fine. I appreciate the courtesy.

Look. Look, we both...

I'm really busy, Tim. We'll talk about this later, okay?

Sure. Yeah.

I'll expect you to know every one of those interrogatories by 1:00 P.M.

We could argue that her complaint gives rise to a defamation claim against her.

I doubt that would fly.

Sorry I'm late, people.

Extraordinary thing, that big dig.

Malcolm Holmes, Tara...

What?

Tara and I are, um, already acquainted.

- Acquainted? - Well, that's what we say in England.

In america, you'd probably say...

I'm the reason she went to law school.

- She's the one who got away. - What are you doing in Boston?

I finally know. You let your hair grow.

I hate to break up the tea party, but...

Careful. We're still a bit thin-skinned on that one. Such a waste of proper tea.

How is it that I just get older and you seem to get more... magnificent?

How about first, we address settling the case?

Ah. I have no interest in settling.

We fully intend to see this through.

Well, you do so at your own peril. Do I?

Once we establish your client's claim as baseless, our client has instructed us...

To pursue a defamation claim against miss Bradley.

Suddenly, her house could be in play.

I'm not sure we want that. Very impressive.

You might advise her of that as well.

You have an opposing counsel who will stop at nothing to impress an old boyfriend.

Given that I don't believe in coincidences,

I'd like to take this opportunity to say what's needed to be said for some time.

We...

Have no intention of settling.

Here's the motion. I'll see you both in court.

It was extremely pro-Christian. There were Bible sessions, Christian hymns.

As a Jew, I found it increasingly more and more oppressive.

So you quit? It was more like I was forced out.

The office took on such a Christian tone.

- So you quit? - I felt ostracized as a Jew.

Alienated. I was forced out.

I have many Jewish friends who miss going to morning shul,

so they've started forming minyans at the office during their lunch hour.

- Are you saying that that's wrong? - There's a difference.

- Tell me the difference, Mr. Abrams. - Jews are a minority.

And minorities enjoy civil rights that the majority doesn't?

When we talk about the rights of minorities in this country,

we're addressing the evil of oppression.

When you say to a Christian society that it's okay to start celebrating your religion...

Openly and notoriously in the workplace,

you run the risk of fostering that very oppression.

- I began to feel oppressed. - So you just quit the marriage?

The job.

I've worked in this household for 37 years.

I was the closest thing that man had to family for the last 10,

and that includes her.

By her, you mean Kelly Nolan?

The way she treated him, parading her boyfriend around in the house...

If I may ask, how is it that...

You still live here and Kelly Nolan doesn't?

I mean, it is her house, isn't it?

She says it brings her too much pain to live here.

The memory of her husband dying in her arms.

I guess the memory of lacing his wine with nitro isn't as haunting.

What makes you think she did that?

I know he wasn't suicidal.

I know she stood to inherit. I know they argued, and he threatened to disinherit her.

She certainly knew he'd be taking Viagra if they were going to make love,

which they almost never did, by the way.

Perfect. Slip him a little nitro.

What a deadly combination.

You seem to have a finely-tuned sense of delivery.

Having lived in the same house with her for seven years,

I know she's a cold, detached... person.

She's capable.

She's lying. He never threatened to disinherit me. Why would she say that?

I don't know. He never threatened to cut me out of the will.

If she says that she heard as much two days before he died...