aka Charlie Sheen

["Two and a Half Men" by Dennis C. Brown and Grant Geissman playing]

- -

I worked with Charlie Sheen for eight years,

and if you wonder what it's like to work with Charlie Sheen for eight years, uh,

when I started, I had hair.

I had some trepidation about participating in this,

partially because part of the cycle of Charlie's life

has been, uh, that he messes up terribly,

he hits rock-bottom,

and then he gets things, uh, he gets things going again

and brings a lot of positivity in his life,

and that's when he burns himself out again,

and he just can't help but set that house on fire.

And I didn't want to be a part of that cycle.

I'm not here to build him up and I'm not here to tear him down.

[aircraft engines increasing power]

But I sure hope this doesn't go bad.

It seemed it was going to be like any other flight.

I wasn't like sloppy drunk,

but I was already pretty half in the bag, you know.

It was my first honeymoon.

And Donna was--

I guess she was still reeling from the absence of romance

in our soggy freaking wine excursion.

Platoon and Wall Street were huge in Japan,

and so I was selling Madras shoes,

Tokyo Gas air conditioners and heaters,

and Parliament cigarettes.

Donna was the model in the Parliament commercial.

Yes, tensions were high. We were a little short with each other.

I finally just said, "Fuck it." I needed something quick and strong.

So I power probably four, five, six shots.

Of course, a lot of people recognize me.

- -

The navigator was outside the cockpit.

"Mr. Sheen, would you like to come meet the captain?"

I'm like, "Hell yeah!" Right?

I go into the cockpit,

and the captain gets up and he says, "Can we get a photo?"

And I said, "Yes, but it'd be really cool if I was in your captain's jacket."

He's like, "Oui, monsieur."

"It'd even be cooler if I was wearing your cap."

He's like, "Of course."

I said, "If we're gonna do this, let's go all the way."

"Can I sit in your seat?"

But I'm approaching pirate drunk.

[photo ejecting from instant camera]

The sun is just starting to peek through the horizon.

And just rested my hands on the controls.

George is flying the plane.

That's like international code for autopilot, right?

And I said, just making a joke, I said, "So is George still flying the plane?"

And the copilot flicks a switch...

...and says, "Not anymore."

I'm sitting there thinking, "Fuck."

I'm there, drunk,

close to 300 people asleep behind me,

an angry bride 20 feet behind me,

and I start guiding this plane.

Very, very subtle adjustments.

And this just perfect, magical flying machine

responding in a way that I cannot put in words.

And then they saw that maybe this might get away from them.

- -

And the copilot turned George back on.

And so then I felt the plane just kind of settle back into where it knew

that it needed to be, you know.

I sat back down, owning this experience.

And I just knew that trouble was on the horizon.

After just five months, Hollywood bad boy Charlie Sheen

and model Donna Peele are calling it quits.

Drunk off your ass...

Drunk.

...flying a passenger plane, 400 people behind you,

are you thinking to yourself, "Holy shit, I'm untouchable"?

Does that happen? Does that go through a guy's mind when he has that power?

Yes.

["Tom's Diner" by Suzanne Vega feat. DNA playing]

- Know the best about diners? - What?

There's no surprises.

If you walk into a diner

with unrealistic expectations of what they have to offer...

...go fuck yourself.

Cheers.

Are you sober today? How long have you been sober?

- I knew you were gonna ask me that. - Yeah.

I am sober today. In my seventh year, which is pretty good.

But by the time people see this, unless things go tragically sideways,

uh, that will still be the case.

Oh, we're ready to go?

How do you imagine structuring the story of Charlie Sheen?

I think we could break it down...

...into these three portions or these three sections.

It was partying,

partying with problems...

Fucking A, man!

...and then just problems.

Last time I took drugs, uh,

I probably took more than anybody could survive, you know?

- What are we talking about? How much? - I don't know.

I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them. That's how I roll.

I have one speed, one gear. "Go."

Charlie Sheen was among the clients of her $1,500 hookers.

Is there gonna be anything off-limits?

No.

You know there are a lot of rumors out there right now,

and you would like to address them head-on.

I'm here to admit that I am, in fact, HIV-positive.

When you got a lot of shame about a lot of stuff,

shame-- shame is suffocating.

- Your husband's name? - It's Charlie Sheen.

But in the same way,

shame can turn into someone's North Star, you know, or their South Star.

Or the Death Star, you know? Um...

Where are you with that?

I'm, uh...

He spent much of Christmas Day on lockdown.

The stuff I plan on sharing,

I had made a sacred vow years ago to only reveal to a therapist.

You judged me, condemned me, discarded me.

Well, not anymore. Winning!

I think there's so many stories and many ingrained images in people's minds

about the concept of me.

Not even, like, think of me as a person.

They think of me as a concept or a specific moment in time.

There's only one person alive

that has the answers to... to so many people's questions about me.

And that's...

Fuck, somebody call "Action."

I was born dead. Yeah, I had the umbilical wrapped.

- There was no signs of life. -

Dad was a devout Catholic,

and he was already looking for a priest to deliver some last rites.

Mom was way more optimistic. She had faith.

And the doctor beat me black and blue until there were signs of life.

So... ...good start.

When your life starts like that, basically doesn't start,

it can do a number on your head.

My birth name is Carlos Irwin Estevez.

And Irwin came from the doctor that delivered me and saved me.

There's four of us.

I'm third, and Ramon is right above me,

and Emilio's above him, and my sister's below me.

You must believe me.

- I'm telling the truth. - Oh, you've lied so much.

The mission focus was Dad and his job.

Can you help me?

I'm gonna get ahold of Frank Kamer,

have him take a look at you, run some tests.

- - Ladies and gentlemen, Martin Sheen!

Lived in New York 'til I was three.

And then Dad, well, he decided early on, "Sell the furniture, it's time."

"We're... we're outtie."

Malibu was very rural at the time,

and kind of removed from Los Angeles and all of that hubbub.

There was a freedom of spirit in the air,

and the place wasn't overrun, it wasn't super crowded.

You could travel the highway any time of day with relative ease.

It wasn't a community of mansions.

I met him before he was Charlie Sheen.

I met him when he was Carlos Estevez.

People think that just because it was Martin Sheen that they grew up very rich.

That's far from it.

I used to go to his house and stay in, what do you call those, beanbags?

There was nothing extravagant about what they had.

They didn't grow up with that life.

So you had auto mechanics and school teachers on your street.

Nothing like today.

Like I say, it was great because it was kinda like Huckleberry Finn by the water.

We shared a moment of youth that's magic.

Let's go, man.

We were surrounded by an air of just a general freedom of expression.

I mean... they'll hate me for revealing this, but, you know,

my parents, maybe for a month, or five, I don't know,

they practiced nudism, you know?

So yeah, I'm five, walking in the kitchen, and...

there's my naked parents.

- What are you doing? - Mom--

Cut it out, Mom.

My parents gave us our first Super 8 Camera

when I was six or seven.

Hey, brother,

did you guys out there ever try this new American Continental hairdo, man?