Doc Martin

Package for Louisa. School books or something.

Just need for you to sign for it.

Or would it be better to forward it to her?

The postal service is sensitive to all domestic situations.

No, that won't be necessary. Oh, right.

Is...is she back already, then?

Where's the wife, doc?

My mum's single, but she's picky.

Tosser!

Morning, doc. Any news from sunny Spain?

I'm sure she'll be back soon.

How about a pie and a pint later? Set the world to rights...

Whoa!

You idiot!

For goodness' sake! Back. Back.

Ruth? Ruth!

Morning. Well, I sincerely hope someone has died.

I wasn't aware you were asleep.

Well, you made sure that's no longer the case.

Oh, come on in, then.

I just got back late from London last night. I was hoping for a lie in.

I need a therapist. And I need seven or eight hours' sleep a night.

I promised Louisa I'd get help, but I can't find anybody. I left you messages.

Which, obviously, I didn't get, because I was in London.

Anyway, I hardly see there's any urgency...

Oh...you want ME to do therapy with you?

Yes.

Oh, sorry. No. I'm a psychiatrist, not a therapist.

Besides, we're family. It'd be thoroughly unprofessional.

Yes, I'm aware of that, but I'm prepared to overlook it.

I'd be compromised. I have personal opinions about the state of your marriage

which would affect my professional judgement.

What personal opinions?

You see? It's already causing problems.

How long till she gets back? Have you spoken to her?

Er...yes. I spoke to her when she arrived.

She's staying with her mother in a remote village and communication is difficult.

It sounds as if you're saying that you've only spoken to your wife once in three weeks.

Well, she said she'd call me when she was settled.

And she hasn't? No.

Well, you need to call her, then.

At least then you'll know when or if she's planning on coming back.

Well, she said she was coming back. She said she'd phone.

Look, with regards to therapy...

I have an idea of someone who might be able to fit the bill.

Just let me make some calls. Come on.

You look nice today, doc. Cake?

What do you want? Nothing.

Just being polite. Social interaction. Perfectly normal.

Although, since you mention it,

Portwenn lifeboat station's having a special day tomorrow.

They're doing a mock rescue. Me and my flatmate Janice are taking part.

You're going to be manning a lifeboat, are you? What?

No! I'm going to be a victim.

Waiting to be rescued.

Starts at half-three, so I will need the afternoon off.

No.

It's my civic duty. No, it isn't.

It's a proper honour to be asked, doc.

Like...like getting an MBE or something.

And why would you receive an MBE? I dunno, do I? It's a metaphor.

It's a simile, and the answer is still no.

Oh, sorry, love. Bed and breakfast's not open yet.

Obviously not. Where's Steve? Huh?

Oh, he said he'd be delayed a bit. He had some business to attend to.

THIS is his business. At least you're on time, for once.

Oh, Ruth. Hi. How are you doing?

I didn't know you were going to drop by.

I told her you're not open yet.

But we are very, very close. I'm thinking a day. Two at most.

You said everything would be ready by the time I got back from London.

You were '120 per cent sure', despite that being a mathematical impossibility.

We're meant to be opening at the end of the week.

You did say you were going to be a silent partner.

Silent. Not dumb.

Who's Steve?

Oh, Steve's my boss. Moon Ray Construction.

Obviously, we're called Moon Ray, cos it's Steve, yeah?

No. Oh, you must have heard about it -

Actually, that wasn't an invitation to continue the conversation.

Have you come up with a name for this venture yet? Oh...

Salmon Enchanted Place. It's a pun.

Portwenn Fishing Holidays.

A name that needs no explanation or tortuous wordplay.

Oh, by the way, I found a few boxes of Joan's stuff in her room.

I wasn't sure what you wanted me to do with them.

I'll have a rummage. Couple of days? Really?

Salmon Enchanted Place. Just got that. That's brilliant, mate.

Cos they're fish, right? (LAUGHS)

Er...

Oh, no.

All right.

So, doc, the lifeboat bosses want me to have my medical certificate

before they'll let me back on the boats.

Paperwork. You know? Ridiculous.

Step on the scales, please.

It's this new guy - Gerry. Station manager.

Feel a bit sorry for him. I think he's a bit intimidated by me.

You know - the Moon Ray and all that.

You've put on weight. That's muscle, doc.

Important I stay fit. Show those young lads at the station

there's life left in this war horse yet.

That's us done, then? No, of course it isn't. Sit here. Give me your arm.

The last time I needed one of these, Dr Sim just signed the form and sent me off. No mucking around.

Really? Well, unlike Dr Sim, I am a big believer in 'mucking around'.

Or 'observing correct medical procedure', as we sometimes call it.

Your notes say you are prescribed bendroflumethiazide for high blood pressure. Still taking it?

Yeah. Of course.

Then your pressure shouldn't be so raised. I'll need a urine sample.

Why? What for?

It's routine - it checks for the presence of blood, protein, sugar,

indicating kidney disease or diabetes.

Might have a bit of a wait there. The well is empty, so to speak. Went before I came.

Well, bring one in when the well isn't so empty, so to speak.

Tomorrow's kind of a special day, so I really need it ASAP.

Then I need a urine sample.

Doc, I get it. You're having a bit of a bad time.

I mean, it's common knowledge that your wife left you.

I'm just saying: I've been there, too.

Ten years ago, my missus walks out on me for a younger fella.

I was angry, bitter, like you.

One morning, I looked in the mirror and said to myself...

Shut up.

You won't get a medical certificate without a urine sample. Next patient!

So, you don't know if he's moving back in?

I haven't had a chance to talk to him, have I?

What with Jennifer being away doing some course,

I've been running this place on my lonesome.

All right. I didn't ask for your life story.

Sorry. I just feel like I'm in limbo.

I asked Al if he's going to move back in when the farm's complete, and he's all... 'Maybe.'

I mean, what does that actually mean, eh?

It probably means he's aware of how over-dramatic you get

and he's trying to break it to you gently.

I'm not over-dramatic. If anything, I'm under-dramatic.

He always used to do the washing-up.

Have either of you seen Steve Baker?

He's not answering his phone, he's not at home

and he's not showed up on site at all today.

He'll be where he always is - at the lifeboat station.

I warned you about hiring him.

Well, he promised me he'd get more staff on.

I could use an extra pair of hands.

Oh, no, no, no.

These past few weeks it's been, 'I can do it myself, Dad.

Don't need your help, Dad. You'll only muck it up, Dad.'

You made your bed, my boy - you lie in it.

What about you, Joe? Are you free tomorrow at all?

Maybe.

I've been telling you to get one for weeks.

Everyone needs a medical certificate to comply with regs.

Gerry, what's happening tomorrow? You know - a training exercise.

No. There's a training exercise being covered by the local news.

Cameras, catching every moment. And why's that?

Because it's five years since... since the Moon Ray rescue.

Exactly.

Didn't your mum have a thing with Steve Baker?

No. I don't think so.

I need to be the face out on the water, so everyone can see me.

It's not all about you. We should go in.

No. There's nothing worse than walking in on a domestic.

It's co-workers. They're not married.

Hi. How's it going?

It's not. Is Steve in there?

Having a domestic. Are you all right?

Yeah (!) Amazing. Got guests arriving at the end of the week, and nothing is ready.

Are you free to help tomorrow?

Oh, I've kind of agreed to be part of this mock-rescue thing.

We're gonna be on the telly!

Right, well...great.

So, you're seriously saying

you're going to stop the one man responsible for that rescue from taking part,

because of some stupid certificate? Really?

Pretty much, yeah.

Well, the doc said I could pick it up tomorrow, so fuss about nothing.

Hey, you know, it isn't a fuss about nothing.

It's the state of my farmhouse.

You said that this lifeboat stuff wouldn't interfere with the job.

Sorry, Al. Been tangled up in red tape.

Just get me the certificate by morning, and everyone's happy.

It's five o'clock, mate. Yeah, I had a job in Delabole I had to check on.

Don't worry. You're my priority.

Here we go. Our waiver forms.

See? They can do it. All present and correct.

2:30 tomorrow - OK?

Ah. Now, I don't suppose there's a chance

we could shift the whole thing to, say, half past 12?

It's just, that's my lunch break.

No, of course not.

Right. Worth a try.

'You've reached Louisa. Please leave a message.'

Erm...Louisa...

I was just wondering if you'd had any...further thoughts

about when you might be returning...

..to Portwenn.

Erm...I hope you and James are well.

Erm...this is Martin Ellingham.

Obviously.

Louisa? 'No, it's me.'

Oh, yes. 'Can you come over to the farm?