Dìdi (弟弟)

I don't think anyone's coming.

Yo.

- Oh, shit! -

What the fuck are you kids doing?

Off! Get your hands off!

- Get back here! Get back here! - Yeah, bro.

- -

["I'm a Cuckoo" by Belle & Sebastian playing]

Vivian!

Go wash your hands and come eat dinner.

Okay, Mom.

- -

Get out of my room, you bitch!

- -

Didi, eat a little more.

I'm not hungry.

Nai Nai, I don't want it, I don't want it…

Boys need to eat more in order to have muscle.

So they can become a strong man.

Nai Nai, don't feed him.

He can grab it himself.

Look how skinny he is.

If I didn't feed him, he'd be a pile of bones.

Only one month until my little bird flies away…

Yep.

Don't forget to eat fruit.

It will help your digestive system so your poop isn't so hard.

Okay.

And you must floss.

You won't be able to see a dentist as easily in college.

Is Dad gonna be home to see me before I leave?

He doesn't know yet.

Classic.

When you go to college, don't go so far.

Just go to Stanford.

You can live at home

and I can cook for you every day if I haven't died yet.

Nai Nai, don't talk like that.

Stanford? As if he's gonna survive high school.

Stop wearing my clothes.

"Stop wearing my clothes."

Dumb horse.

What'd you just call me?

Vivian, don't be so loud.

He just called me a whore!

I called you a horse, like your zodiac sign.

- You wish you could be a whore. - Mom!

Dìdi, apologize.

You're more like a lizard with your scaly-ass eczema skin.

Oh, yeah, fuck you, pizza face!

Ah!

Lizard bitch, you got stains on my sweater!

- That's my sweater! -

- He literally just called me a bitch! - Bitch.

- What is bitch? - Don't say dirty words!

You're only born because I wanted a brother,

and I wish you died in the womb.

You were only born because of a broken condom.

You don't even know how condoms work.

Shut the fuck up, okay? Conversation over. I win.

You can't just decide when a conversation's...

I get to decide!

- You absolute moron! - Blah, blah, blah!

- Stop yelling! - You're like a little baby!

Look,

what kind of a mother allows their children to behave like this?

They scream at each other even at the dinner table.

No class.

You think you're so cool,

but you're not.

Nobody likes you.

- Hey, get back here! - I can't wait to move out!

- Your fucking face! - I said move out!

Didi, dishes.

Get over here! Stop running!

Come back. You didn't finish eating.

Hurry back here.

That's what you get for…

It's a trick. Just make this trick.

Fuck!

Yes! Oh, yes!

You can't exercise after eating.

It's bad for your stomach.

Mom, you just ruined my clip.

Don't put the camera on the ground. It's a bad angle.

Your composition will be ugly.

["Touchdown Turnaround" by Hello goodbye playing]

- Ah… - Yeah, that looks good.

- That looks good. -

Hot pink?

- Mm-mm. - All right.

Baby blue?

- Mm-mm. - No?

That's, like, the best color. Green?

- Indigo? - Yes, sir.

Dude! Bro, Madi's gonna want to rub her tongue all over them.

Indigo braces.

I hope you brought some wax, dawg.

What the fuck is the wax for?

- Fahad! - Yo!

- Fahad! - What?

What are you wearing?

This is, like, my normal outfit!

Dude, camo shorts are fucking gay!

Bro, your mom is gay!

My mom has cancer, you fucking bitch!

- Dude, what the fuck? - I forgot, dude.

But, bro, you can have cancer and be gay.

But I don't think that's how it works.

- Man, what's good? How you doing? - What's up?

Fuck you for saying that.

- Yeah, how you doing? - How's it going, man?

- Nice to see you again. - Lil Wang.

- Bro. What? - Wang-Wang.

- Hey, you crazy. - Yo, Wang-Wang in the house.

- You know how it is. - No, but for real, though.

Like, Lil Wayne wears camo shorts all the time.

All right, then he's gay, then.

Dude, everyone wears them.

So then everyone's gay, then.

No way y'all lost to Niles.

Yes, bro. That kid with the goatee

hit a bomb off of Ryan in the fourth inning, like…

Mexican Kenny?

I think he's Filipino.

Nah, that boy talks hell a Mexican.

What you mean by that?

He just calls me, like, "ese" and shit.

I swear to God, he's just all about the, like, Mexicano slang.

- I don't know. - That's so weird.

Wait, hold on. Hold up. Did I tell you about Rishi?

- Who's Rishi? - It's just, like, baseball shit.

- You don't got to worry about it. - Yeah.

What about him, though?

He shit his pants during practice.

And he was all like, "My mom's pulling a prank on me."

"She put poop in my pants again."

What do you mean by "again," though?

Yo, bro, where have you been?

I've been hyping you up too much, bruh.

What's good, Hardeep?

Sup, virgins?

You're not a virgin?

Nah, I fricked your mom!

- Dude. No, dude. - What?

Bro, his mom has cancer.

Oh, uh, my bad. Uh, uh, is she, is she okay?

No, she got cancer.

I'm sorry for your loss. Yo, Jade!

She's still alive.

Jade, this is my boy I've been telling you about.

He's the most freshest, flyest Pakistani in all of Fremont.

- That's Jade. She's a real one. - Hey, what's up?

- And that's Ellie. - Uh, hi.

- She's a dumb bitch. -

- Wait, what was your name again? - Fahad.

- Fuckwad. - Bro, shut up.

These are my friends right here.

We got Wang-Wang, Soup.

- Your name is Soup? - Well, my real name is Jimmy,

- but everyone just calls me Soup. - Why?

His house just, like, always smells like soup.

Yeah, my mom cooks hell a kimchi-jjigae.

Radish soup, ox bone soup.

- All the Korean classics. - That sounds good.