The Sword in the Stone

A legend is sung

Of when England was young

And knights were brave and bold

The good king had died

And no one could decide

Who was rightful heir to the throne

It seemed that the land would be torn by war

Or saved by a miracle alone

And that miracle appeared

In London town

The sword

In the stone

And below the hilt, in letters of gold,

were written these words,

"Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil

"is rightwise king born of England."

Though many tried for the sword with all their strength,

none could move the sword, nor stir it.

So, the miracle had not worked.

And England was still without a king.

And in time, the marvelous sword was forgotten.

This was a dark age,

without law and without order.

Men lived in fear of one another,

for the strong preyed upon the weak.

A dark age, indeed!

Age of inconvenience.

No plumbing.

No electricity.

No nothing.

Oh!

Oh, hang it all!

Hang it all.

Oh, now what? Now what?

Leave off, leave off!

Oh, you... You fiendish chain, you!

Everything complicated.

One big medieval mess.

Now, let me see, um...

He should be here in... Uh, I'd say half an hour.

Who? Who?

I'd like to know who.

I told you, Archimedes. I am not sure.

All I know is that someone will be coming.

Someone very important.

Oh, pin feathers.

Fate will direct him to me so that I in turn may guide him

to his rightful place in the world.

Huh. And you say he will arrive in half an hour?

Ha. Well, we'll just see.

And you will, Archimedes, you will.

Ow!

He'll be a boy.

A small boy.

Eleven, 12 years old,

and a scrawny little fellow.

Oh, no, no, no. That can't be the one.

Surely not. Why, that big lad must be close on to 20.

Ah!

There he is. The scrawny little fellow, about 12.

He's a regular little grasshopper.

Look at him go.

And where, where would you guess he is at this very moment?

I am not guessing, Archimedes. I know where he is!

Uh... Less than a mile from here,

just beyond the forest.

And right on schedule.

If all goes well.

Quiet, Wart.

I'm trying to be.

And nobody asked you to come along in the first place.

- I'm not even moving. - Shut up.

A-ha.

Here we go. Oh, what a set-up.

Hmm. Right smack through the old gizzard.

Wha... Wait. Whoa!

Why, you clumsy little fool!

Oh, Kay, please, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

Please.

If I ever...

If I ever get my hands on you I'll wring your scrawny little neck,

so help me, I will.

I'll get the arrow, Kay. I'm sure I can find it.

Don't tell me you're going in there.

- Why, it's swarming with wolves. - I'm not afraid.

Well, go ahead. It's your skin, not mine.

Go on, go on.

There it is. Oh, there it is!

Wha... Wait. Whoa!

Well.

So, you did drop in for tea, after all.

Oh. You are a bit late, you know.

Oh, I am?

Yes.

Now... My name is Merlin.

Come, come. Who are you, my lad?

Oh, my name's Arthur, but everyone calls me Wart.

Oh.

Oh, what a perfect stuffed owl.

Stuffed? I beg your pardon!

He's alive, and he talks!

And certainly a great deal better than you do.

Oh, come, Archimedes.

Come, come, now. I want you to meet the Wart.

Now, you must forgive him. He's only a boy.

Boy? Boy.

I see no boy.

- I'm sorry that I... - That's all right.

- He's much too sensitive. - Sensitive? Huh?

- Who? What, what? - Oh!

- How did you know that I was... - Oh, that you'd be dropping in?

Well, I happen to be a wizard.

A soothsayer, a prognosticator.

I have the power to see into the future.

Centuries into the future.

I've even been there, lad, and I've seen all these things.

They're only plans and small models, of course.

Now, this for instance is a steam locomotive.

There she goes.

Pretty good, eh?

That won't be invented for hundreds of years.

Oh. You mean you can see everything before it happens?

Yes, everything.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Everything, Merlin?

Uh...

No, no, not everything.

I... I admit I didn't know whom to expect for tea.

But as you can see,

I figured the exact place.

You're very clever, sir.

Yes. Well, never mind the "sir".

Just plain Merlin will do.

- Now, would you care for sugar? - Oh, yes, I would.

- Please. - All right.

Sugar? Sugar!

No. Manners, manners. Guests first. You know that!

All right. Just say when, lad.

When.

- Have you had any schooling? - Oh, yes.

I'm training to be a squire.

I'm learning the rules of combat and swordsmanship

and jousting and horsemanship.

Oh, yes, yes. Very good. That...

No, no, no! I... I mean a real education.

Mathematics, history, biology, natural science,

English, Latin, French.

No. When, when! Blast it all. When!

Impudent piece of crockery.

Boy, now, you can't...

You can't grow up without a decent education, you know.

Oh, I suppose not, sir... Merlin.

So, I am going to be your tutor.

But I've got to get back to the castle.

- They'll want me in the kitchen. - Oh, well, then, very well.

We'll pack and be on our way.

You... You watch now. You'll like this.

Higitus figitus zumbakazing.

I want your attention, everything.

We're packing to leave. Come on, let's go.

No, no, not you. Books are always first, you know.

Hockety, pockety, wockety, wack

Abra abra dabra nack

Shrink in size, very small We've got to save enough room for all

Higitus, figitus, migitus, mum Prestidigitonium

Alakafez, balakazez Malakamez meripides

Hockety, pockety, wockety...

Now, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Sugar bowl, you're getting rough.

That poor old tea set is cracked enough.

All right. Let's start again. Let's start...

Oh. Where was I, boy?

- Uh... Hockety, pockety? - Oh, yes. Yes, that's right.

Hockety, pockety, wockety, wack Odds and ends and bric a brac

I'll be with you in a minute, son. Packing's almost done.

You... You bungling blockhead!

Hey, easy there. No, go ahead.

Dun goo-dily doo-dily doo-dily dun. This is the best part.

Higitus, figitus, migitus, mum Prestidigitonium

Higitus, figitus, migitus, mum Prestidigitoni...

Ooh! Ha ha!

What a way to pack.

Well... Now, just a minute, boy.

How else would you get all this stuff into one suitcase, I'd like to know.

- But I think it's wonderful. - Oh. Yes, it is, rather.

Now, don't you get any foolish ideas that magic will solve all your problems.

Because it won't!

But sir, I don't have any problems.

Oh, everybody's got problems. The world is full of problems.

Oh, blast it all. There, now you see what I did?

That's the trouble with the world today.

Everybody butting their heads against a brick wall.

All muscle and no mentality.

Do you want to be all muscle and no brain?

- I don't have any muscle. - You don't?

- Well, how do you move about? - I suppose I do have a little.

A-ha! There, you see? Well, that's enough.

Now, develop your brain. Knowledge, wisdom, there's the real power.

Higher learning, that's the thing.

First thing tomorrow morning we'll start a full schedule.