Boar

Subtitles by explosiveskull

- What the hell happened? - It was a rabbit.

You nearly killed us for a rabbit?

Well, you wouldn't want me to kill it, would ya?

Oh, babe, I don't care about the stupid little bunny,

you nearly killed us.

What was that?

Pigs. Lots of pigs.

Oh, look, there's another one, still trotting along.

What are they doing?

I don't know, maybe something startled them.

Yeah, babe, like what?

Maybe there's a hunter out there.

What the FUCK was that?

OK, let's get out of here!

- Ah, how's it going, mate? - Not bad at all, mate.

Did you hear about Bernie?

Bank's trying to foreclose on the poor bastard.

I heard. Bunch of snot-nosed assholes, if you ask me.

- Too right. - They just don't get it.

I mean, if they'd get out of their fancy city offices

and come down here,

they'd understand we're in the middle of a bloody drought.

Hey, mate, the ah, Genny. The lid.

Anyway, what about yourself, mate? Knocking a few over?

Not even trying, mate.

I've been doing a bit of fencing.

Something's been tearing the fences down there

at old Patterson's farm there.

- Oh, yeah. - Keeping me busy though, eh?

Hey, hang on, what's that?

Is that Bob?

Yeah, that's him. Look at the old bastard.

Get a fucking job, youse poofters.

Jesus.

That old bloody pisspot,

I mean, he shouldn't be driving around anymore.

He reckons the same thing's happening up at his farm too.

- Yeah? What's that? - Ah, knocked down fences.

He's down a few sheep too.

- Yeah? - Something's killed them, yeah.

What, all nine of them?

He's probably stewed 'em up and forgotten about it.

I mean, look at him...

he's a hundred mile of bad bloody road.

Hey, Gail's daughter works for the quack.

She reckons he's been diagnosed with dementia,

so I wouldn't be at all surprised.

I couldn't give a fuck because I've got things to do, alright,

I've got places to go, I've got to go to work.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I've got a fair drive ahead.

Alright, alright. See you in the pub though?

Ah, yeah, ah, maybe. I don't know.

Ah, bastard.

Brucey!

Sure you don't want me to drive, Bruce?

No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.

- You sure? - Yeah, oh, yeah.

Come on, Bruce, just let Robbie drive for a while.

Yeah, maybe that's a good idea.

We'll get in the back and we'll make out.

Well, that sounds good. I'll pull over for that.

Mum, that's gross.

You are not doing that while I'm in the car.

Well, actually, sweetheart,

Bruce and I make out all the time, even in the car.

- Mm-hm! - Blah!

Yeahhh!

Come on, let your parents have some fun.

We can have the front to ourselves.

Remember when you did that thing when I was driving to Sydney?

Um, you'd better not be doing that.

It's called a blowjob, Mum.

I don't care what it's called,

you don't do that while you're driving, it's dangerous.

I was actually talking about this other thing that she does.

Kind of tickles.

- She does it with her tongue. - She does.

You are such an asshole, Bart!

Takes one to know one.

Ow! Fucking dick!

I wasn't talking about blowjobs, you little shit.

- Oh, guys, stop it! - Oh, sorry, babe.

OK, cabin fever has officially set in.

I don't know about you guys

but I'm hungry enough to eat the crotch out of a low-flying duck.

What? What the fuck did he just say?

It's the ass out of a low-flying duck.

Robbie!

It sounds so shit when he says it.

Well, hey, look, I'm doing the best I can here.

You're trying.

I suggest the next town we pull over and get some grub.

- Good idea. - Sounds great, Bruce.

You want to stop so you can give Robbie a little tongue tickle.

Hey, Bart. Bart.

Hey, Bart. Bart.

- WHAT? - You a virgin?

Robert, stop it, OK.

He's saving himself for the right woman, aren't you, baby?

Hey, Bart, you can't be a virgin because your face is fucked.

OK, we're pulling over.

- Thank fuck for that. - Robbie.

Sorry, Deb.

Sorry, Deb.

- Morning, possum. - Morning.

Hey, Dad, those folks look familiar to you?

Oh, look at the ass on that, would ya, eh?

Like two possums fighting in a paper bag.

Dad!

Which reminds me,

are those jeans tight enough on you, do you reckon?

Ha, ha, ha.

Bugger me.

Can you put a leash on it, old man?

She's way too young for you. Here.

If you can still raise your sword,

you're still in the fight.

Yeah, well, stop your perving and come give me a hand,

it's almost 10 o'clock.

- Get a room, you two. - Ha, ha, I would if I could.

Hi.

Young lady, you wouldn't have a smoke on you, would you?

Sorry, I don't smoke.

Vape then. You look like a lady who does vapour.

No smokes, no vapes.

I tell you what, though.

Here.

This ought to buy you a pack of smokes.

Oi! Here ya, boss.

Cheers, mate.

Ernie's the name.

Robert. Nice to meet ya.

Well, that was a waste of 20 bucks.

And he owns a drilling company.

Got to be fucking joking.

That was really sweet of you, baby.

You just gave $20 to probably the richest man in town.

Are you mocking me?

Maybe he'll give it to charity or something.

- Well, I'll be fucked. - Will you rein it in?

No, no, no, they're familiar.

It's been years but we do know them.

Oh, yeah, well, who are they? Don't keep me in suspense.

Yeah, well, see that blonde sheila walking with that bloke?

Yeah, well, that's Debbie Monroe, Bernie's sister,

so they'd have to be her kids, Ella and, ah...

- Oh, um, Bart. - Bart!

- Holy shit, haven't they grown! - Yeah, well, they don't shrink.

I don't know who the two blokes are.

Hey, didn't Debbie's first husband leave her or something?

Yeah, something like that.

So they're obviously going over to see Bernie.

Maybe Debbie's here to help him keep the farm.

How'd you know about the farm?

Dad, I own a pub, I know everyone's business.

Point taken.

Hey, look, I'd like to stay here and chat to you for hours

but I've got work to do. Mwah.

- Oh. - See you, possum.

Thanks for your help. I'd be fucked without ya!

Watch out!

What the hell, Bruce!

- What was that? - What a fucking idiot!

- Oh, Jesus. - Where's my chocolate?

Oh.

10-second rule?

OK.

- Can I have some KitKat? - No.

Oh, my God, look at you!

Oh, my God!

Oh, I've missed you so much. Oh, my God!

Are you taller?

Fuck me, you weren't kidding. He's a giant.

- Your mum's a walking headjob. - Shh.

That's my mother you're talking about.

Yeah, but look at her.

Little Ella bo Bella!

Yeah, Uncle Bernie, it's me.

Oh, my little buddy!

I've missed you so much.

- Hey, it's a nice place. - Yeah.

Look at the lambs. Do you reckon he eats them?

- Yeah, probably. - And who's this?

Uncle Bernie, this is my boyfriend, Robert.

Be nice.

Hey.

I can crush skulls with my bare hands.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too, mate. Just mucking with you.

Yeah.

Good to see you're still around, Bruce.

What can I say? Deb makes a mean sponge cake.

Good to see you, Bernie. Alright.

- Good to see you too. - Yes.

Come on, let's go and get some grub.

Are you guys coming?

Oh, yeah.

He's a great guy but you don't want to piss him off.

- He can be a mean bastard. - Got that from the handshake.