We Are All Trying Here (모두가 자신의 무가치함과 싸우고 있다)

WE ARE ALL TRYING HERE

When was

the hardest time in your life?

I see

you've never talked about it before.

My friend and I were taking the subway home after dinner

when they suddenly asked,

"When was the hardest time in your life?"

My heart suddenly started pounding.

I couldn't answer for a long time,

and before I burst into tears,

I just got off.

That day,

I sobbed all the way home.

When I thought about it,

I realized I'd never said out loud what had happened

back then.

The most terrifying part was that,

even at a young age, I was conscious.

I knew being conscious meant I was experiencing this vivid fear,

but I didn't know how to make it stop.

All I could do was endure that fear in vivid detail,

completely helpless and overwhelmed by it.

What I wanted the most

was to grow up quickly

so I could leave at any time, as if it were nothing.

CLOSED UNTIL THE END OF DECEMBER

I thought about how nice it would be

to reach an age where walking alone at night

was normal.

I was just sitting there…

When my nose started to bleed.

Crows kept gathering outside the window.

I thought,

"I must be dying."

That's…

When my dad came home

after 28 days.

And my mom…

Never came back.

I've never once

talked about what happened then.

I think I lived by consciously blocking it out.

And then

when my friend asked when the hardest time of my life was,

I felt a surge of rage, as if it had just happened yesterday.

Before that,

I didn't feel much whenever I saw my mom's face

pop up in random places,

as if she had nothing to do with me.

But once I felt that rage…

I couldn't stand to look at her face.

The cause of all my pain.

What happened then…

And the one behind it.

Mom.

The one who left me behind…

Was my mom.

Being over 30 means you've lived more than ten thousand days.

But whenever anything happens,

I end up going back to those 28 days,

as if they are what made me who I am today.

I hate talking about wounds.

It feels like the language of the weak.

But…

That's what I'm doing right now.

Whenever something goes wrong,

I tell myself I was shattered back then,

and that's why I'm like this now.

I connect everything back to that time.

But…

If my life had worked out…

Would I still be holding onto and struggling with what happened then?

Am I constantly bringing up my past as an excuse…

For why my present situation isn't working out?

How can you not bring up your past?

Aren't you being too hard on yourself?

But you don't do that.

You don't bring up the past

to make excuses about the present.

I don't have a past to bring up.

You may not believe it,

but my family

was pretty well-off.

We were a pretty happy family…

Until my sophomore year in college.

When my father's business went under,

all that wealth disappeared overnight.

Then my mother

and father

passed away one after another.

I didn't know everything could collapse in an instant.

I'm sure many people found some satisfaction

in seeing our family collapse.

I get it.

It's only fair if things go back and forth.

What's the point of carrying on

what our parents' generation built?

All of our belongings from when we were well-off

have been sitting in storage

for the past 20 years.

We pay a hefty rental fee every year.

I see you can't let go of those memories.

They're not so much memories

as proof we used to be well-off.

Without that…

I feel like I have nothing to lean on.

I feel like.

I can only let it go once I've improved even a little.

Once I debut with a bang,

I'm going to throw everything away.

Was that

the hardest time in your life?

No.

I see…

You've never talked about it before.

My favorite sound in the world…

Is my brother's snoring.

When I hear him snore…

I feel at ease.

"Oh."

"He's sleeping."

"I can sleep now too."

But if I don't hear anything,

I wonder why he can't sleep.

My life has to improve even a little.

I have to achieve something on my own, even a little.

That way, I can let go of the past and my wounds.

That way,

I won't feel anxious about you, Ms. Byeon Eun-a, rising to the heavens,

or worry about why Jin-man can't sleep.

I can't just let go.

Not until I see what I've achieved.

Not until I see what I'm capable of.

Bounce, bounce!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Safe!

Let's go.

Hello.

Thank you.

HANKUK UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL

Hello.

Goodness, two strong men to carry things and help me?

I feel so special.

There's no place like home.

I'm usually not the type to ask for compensation,

but fixing teeth is expensive.

I got a partial denture, not an implant.

I'll get an implant myself

after I make some money.

Send it to my bank account.

1,200,000 WON MA JAE-YEONG

My youngest aunt has two daughters.

Whenever her reckless sons-in-law give her a headache, she says,

"If my girls had an older brother, those two wouldn't act like that."

Some assholes think

a women-only household is easy to deal with.

Just so you know,

it's not just women at Eun-a's house.

I can't go into details,

but…

If you mess with Eun-a,

you'll be

in real trouble.

I'm serious.

Forget about Knock knock knock .

Your film career

could be destroyed.

Just remember that I warned you.

Don't come back later saying I didn't tell you.

See you.

Episodes five and six synopses ready?

Will you knock before you come in?

Why?

Were you playing games?

I wasn't playing games.

Does it look like I have time to play?

Why isn't Writer Park here?

Why isn't she here?

We decided to write separately.

Why?

You really think we should work face-to-face?

- Listen carefully. - Just say it!

My hearing is fine.

What are you, threatening a kid?

"Listen carefully."

I regret yelling at you.

I'm sorry.

You were on a roll for once, but I ruined it.

I should've just let you be until you were finished,

but I lost my temper.

I'm sorry.

Just ignore me and keep writing with that same excitement.

I mean it.

And

let's get divorced when the time is right.

I've never once brought up divorce

since we got married.

I told myself not to say it out of habit,

but to say it when the time comes.