Orange Is the New Black

What the...

Everybody's going to the lake

'cause there's this big hole in the fence.

I was just thinking, you know, maybe you want to come?

Please.

Please, Manfredo.

I need bodies. I got 100 new inmates. I... I'm dying here.

Oh, my god! Oh, my god! They're all going, Sir! Sir?!

Come on! For you, it's another day in max.

Sir!

You know how to handle your shit with a few less C.O.'s.

I got inmate-palooza here! I am drowning in a sea of orange.

Sir, they are all out!

Why the fuck do you think I'm on the phone for, Bayley?!

I know they walked out. I am handling it.

- Walk-Out? - Call who?

It's not a walk-out, Sir.

They... they are running at full speed!

I'm the Director of Human Activity.

Uh-huh. That's right.

Well, why the hell not me?

As of a few hours ago, asshole.

Why the hell am I even asking?

Send me some goddamn C.O.'s now!

That's an order!

That's right!

I want six guys, and I want real guys!

Thank you, Manfredo.

I'll be expecting them within the hour.

'Cause I'm the fucking warden.

Sir, the majority of our inmate population

has run out of the prison through a breach in the fence

on the south side of the field

and is now swimming in the lake adjacent to campus, Sir.

Warden. That's cool to say.

Uh, congrats on that, by the way.

Hey.

Hey!

Hey!

Come on, come on, come on!

Look at them run.

You see that?

Man, word travels fast.

Yeah, um, hey, can I get through, please?

I can't believe this is happening.

Sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

Will you get the fuck out of my way?

Do you really think it's wise to be speaking to me in that manner?

Jesus, Chapman, a little magic happens around here,

and you make it all about you, like you made it happen.

But I did. That's my point.

I'm gangsta.

Like with an "A" at the end.

Excuse me.

I sent that bitch to max.

There's a hole in the fence. Everybody running to the lake.

Nobody knows you, gangsta with an "A."

Oh.

Then why aren't you going?

They don't let nice things next to prisons.

That lake probably another Crestwood project.

Storage for fracked gas or crude oil, full of salt-brine, runoff.

Who's going to complain?

I think Miss Rosa get cancer from that lake.

That's horrible. And they're swimming in that?

- You should tell people. - No, no, no.

I'm going in.

Take a long hot shower in the good shower.

No lines, no one to bother.

Deep-conditioner pack, replenish luster and shine.

See you later, thug life.

You want to go to the movies or something?

No, I'm too riled up.

- Skee-ball? - Yes.

Look at that.

They're not stopping and dropping.

No, they are not.

Something's going on. Maybe this is it. Maybe they finally decided to riot.

You know women don't riot.

Oh, really? Do I know that?

Maybe this tipped them over.

And you know what that would mean.

We get to wear the riot gear.

Oh, my god.

I love the riot gear.

I know you do, panda. I know you do.

They're way understaffed. You know, it could get bad in there.

It would serve him right. Come on. We're done here.

Fuck 'em.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

What the fuck is taking you people so long?!

Just a lot of stuff to put on, Sir.

Hey, can someone tighten my straps, please?

Oh!

We had no choice.

I mean you.

You had no choice.

One hundred twelve acres just for parking.

What?

The NSA headquarters has 112 acres around the building just for parking.

That's like 85 football fields full of NSA employees' cars.

The no such agency.

Secret.

You know, we don't even know what their budget is,

but they get to know who we're having phone sex with,

how we picking our nose on the webcam.

- Listen to me, listen to me. - What?

I can't... I cannot go through this again.

Lolly, I swear to you, Aydin was not NSA. He was not... NCS...

Oh, no. CIA, DIA, NSB, INB...

He was my old boss' hit man.

Well, not a very good one, obviously.

He had his moments.

Did you hear that?

Or did you hear not that?

- Okay. - Okay. Let's get the fuck out of here!

I'm serious. It's crazy town out there.

I'm trying to tell you, let's just blow this taco stand.

Look, let's just let somebody else find this motherfucker.

They ain't gonna know it was us.

I was the last one seen in here! They could trace this guy to me!

Okay... then / will bounce.

You were the one that killed him.

Oh, I was just supposed to let him strangle you to death?

Did I need to say "to death"?

"Was I just supposed to let him strangle you... to death?"

Hmm. Either way...

- Um, you are welcome. - Okay.

- And I'm gonna go. - Wait!

Shit.

It's got to be a phone.

Boss, got three letters for you.

You mention the fucking NSA, and I swear to Christ...

Check his boot.

They don't let guards have phones.

Now he's texting?

Cover that, cover that, cover that.

"Kubra."

Fuck.

Ooh! What's that?

Emoji.

They got more of those?

Hm. Yeah, I mean, there's all kinds.

Ooh! I like the kitty with the heart eyes.

And the alien!

But that's not how aliens really look.

Okay. Well, I could stay for a while.

This shit is heavy!

Is anyone else's helmet fogging up when he breathes?

How do you not make it fog up?

I'm breathing out of my mouth in, like, a downward direction, blowing down.

In through my nose and out through my mouth.

Oh, shit. Every time I talk, it fogs up.

I'm taking this damn thing off.

Let's move!

- Feel that? - Uh-huh.

Now, that's definitely my softest part.

That is... really soft.

It's like cocoa butter there.

Oh, um... feel my earlobe.

It's lumpy in the middle.

I... I had my ears pierced.

But the skin is still really soft on top and around the edge.

Like... super-soft.

Back, back, back, back! All right, let's go!

Move 'em up, move 'em up, move 'em up!

Let's go!

Where you going?

Um... back to camp.

We have to go. They said.

Wait. Why?

Because we're prisoners.

But why?

Because someone said so?

- Took a plea deal. - Everybody makes mistakes.

Why do we have to sit in a box to pay for it?

I didn't hurt anyone.

Yeah, but dinner is at 4:45.

I did hurt someone.

You wrote "Time Hump."

We can make our own reality.

I don't understand what you're saying.

I'm... saying...

We don't go back.

- Are you taking it from below? - Yeah, it's gonna look great.

You look totally bloated.

He wouldn't take it from below.

Would you stop moving your lips and let me do my job?

You just got to lie there and play dead.

Act like you were having sex with an ugly dude.

- Have you ever had sex with a dude? - Just take the fucking shot!

All inmates are to report to the cafeteria!

No one is to return to the dorms.

It doesn't matter whether you are wet or dry...

No one is to return to the dorms.

- Everyone is to report... - Shit. Hurry.