Stardust

A philosopher once asked,

"Are we human because we gaze at the stars,

"or do we gaze at them because we are human?"

Pointless, really.

Do the stars gaze back?

Now, that's a question.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Our story really begins here,

150 years ago at the Royal Academy of Science

in London, England,

where a letter arrived, containing a very strange inquiry.

It had come from a country boy

and the scientist who read it thought it might be a practicaI joke of some kind.

But he duly wrote a reply

politely explaining that the query was nonsense.

And posted it to the boy who lived in a viIlage caIled WaII,

so named, the boy had said, for the waII that ran alongside it.

A waII that, according to locaI foIklore, hid an extraordinary secret.

I'm charged with guarding the portal to another world.

And you're asking me to just let you through?

Yes. Because, let's be honest, it's a field.

Look, do you see another world out there?

No. You see a field. Do you see anything nonhuman?

No. And you know why? Because it's a field!

Hundreds of years, this wall's been here.

Hundreds of years, this gap's been under 24-hour guard.

-Well... -One more word,

and I'll have you up in front of the village council!

-Well, that sounds rather final. -Yeah.

-Better just go home, then, I suppose. -Right, then. Night, Dunstan.

Give my best to your father.

Stop!

I don't deal with time-wasters.

Get over here and tend this stall.

I'm off to The Slaughtered Prince for a pint.

See anything you like?

Definitely.

I mean, what I meant was these ones, the blue ones.

How much are they?

They might be the colour of your hair.

Or they might be all of your memories before you were three.

I can check if you like.

Anyway, you shouldn't buy the bluebells. Buy this one instead.

Snowdrop.

It'll bring you luck.

But what does that cost?

This one costs a kiss.

ls she gone?

Follow me.

I'm a princess, tricked into being a witch's slave.

Will you liberate me?

It's an enchanted chain. I'll only be free when she dies.

Sorry.

Well, if I can't liberate you, what do you want of me?

So, the scientist was wrong.

The waII had successfuIly done its job

of hiding the magical kingdom of Stormhold.

The young man returned that night to his home in England,

hoping that his adventure wouId soon be forgotten.

But nine months later, he received an unexpected souvenir.

This was left at the wall for you. It says here his name is Tristan.

Tristan? Don't forget the flowers.

Yes. I've got them. Thank you, Father.

Eighteen years passed, and the baby Tristan grew up

knowing nothing of his unconventionaI heritage.

But never mind how the infant became a boy.

This is the story of how Tristan Thorne becomes a man,

a much greater chaIlenge aItogether.

For to achieve it,

he must win the heart of his one true love.

-lt's him! -lt's him!

Humphrey?

-No, it's Tristan. -Oh.

Did I leave something at the shop?

No. I just thought I could bring...

Tristan Thorne,

shop boy by day, peeping Tom by night.

ls there no end to your charms?

Humphrey, there's no need to be like that.

Be nice to the poor boy.

Were those for Victoria?

You were always useless at fencing in school, Tristan.

In fact, I'm having trouble remembering if there was anything you were good at.

Humphrey, that's enough.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, fine.

-Want some breakfast? -No, I'm really late for work.

-Are you all right? -Yeah. Fine. Why?

Oh, I don't know. Last night, how'd it go?

Oh, really good. Really, really good.

Hello, Tristan.

-Victoria. -Pound of sugar, please.

-Yes. -Let's see, a bag of flour, a dozen eggs.

Oh, look, I'm sorry about last night. Humphrey was really rude.

I also need a sack of potatoes and some chocolate, please.

May I perhaps see you tonight?

No, but you may walk me home.

Now?

Yes. Yes, I can.

Father, I lost my job.

Father, I don't... I lost my job. I'm sorry.

-Father... -You lost your job.

Yes, so I heard.

Father, I'm sorry. l...

Maybe Mr Monday was right. Maybe I am deluding myself.

-I'm not good enough for Victoria. -He said that? That's poppycock.

You really want to know how it went last night?

Yeah.

Not good.

Come on. I'm wasting my time.

I'm not like Humphrey.

Tristan, I can tell you that every man I ever envied when I was a boy

has led an unremarkable life.

So you don't fit with the popular crowd. Now, I take that as a very good omen.

-Tristan, I clearly said... -I know. You told me not to come.

I have something for you. A surprise.

No...

It's not my birthday for another week, you know.

-I've never had champagne before. -Yeah, me, neither.

My God! This is delicious!

How did... Well, how does a shop boy afford all of this?

I'm not a shop boy.

God! I heard. I'm sorry. What are you going to do now?

No. I mean, I'm not a shop boy. I was just working in a shop.

And now I'm not. Now I'm free to live my life as I wish.

This must have been all your savings.

So? I can make more. That's the beauty of it.

I never intended to stay in Wall, Victoria.

There's a big world out there, I'm gonna make my fortune.

Now you sound just like Humphrey. He's quite a traveller.

Do you know he's going all the way to lpswich just to buy me a ring?

lpswich?

Victoria, I'm talking about London or Paris or...

A ring? Why is he... What kind of a ring?

The word is he's planning to propose to me on my birthday.

He's going to...

And you're gonna say yes.

I can't exactly say no after he's gone all the way to lpswich.

"All the way to lpswich"?

Victoria, for your hand in marriage, I'd cross oceans or continents.

-Really? -Yes.

Victoria, for your hand in marriage,

I would go to the gold fields of San Francisco

and bring you back your weight in gold.

I would.

I'd go to Africa and bring you back a diamond as big as your fist.

Or I'd go to the Arctic and I'd slaughter a polar bear

and bring you back its head.

A polar bear's head?

You're funny, Tristan.

People like you and people like me, we're just not...

I should be going. lt's really late.

Well, hold on, then. Let's at least finish the champagne.

Okay.

Had Tristan known then how the stars watched Earth,

he'd have shuddered at the very thought

of an audience to his humiliation.

But, fortunately for him,

nearly every star in the sky was at that moment

looking in earnest at the land on the other side of the wall,

where the King of all Stormhold lay on his deathbed,

which was a coincidence because it was the King's finaI act

that wouId change the course of Tristan's destiny forever.

Where is Secundus?

He's on his way, Father.

Then we shall wait.

Sorry I'm late, Father. I came as swiftly as I was able.

Septimus.

Primus.

Tertius.

So, to the matter of succession.

Of my seven sons, there are four of you today still standing.

This is quite a break with tradition. I had 12 brothers.

And you killed them all for your throne

before your father, the King, even felt poorly.

We know, Father. You're strong and courageous.

And cunning. Most importantly, cunning.

-Secundus. -Yes, Father?

Look through the window. Tell me what you see.

I see the kingdom, Father.

The whole of Stormhold.

-And? -My kingdom?

Maybe. Look up.

-Secundus. -Sextus. Quartus. Quintus.

You're alive. You're...

Stuck like this till the new king is crowned.

I was that close.

Well, at least you haven't lost your looks.

Oh, please. You're not annoyed about that whole murder thing, are you?

-I mean, that was 10 years ago. -Yeah.

Great deal of good it did you, didn't it, killing me, Secundus?

Because now, of course, now you are King of all Stormhold.

Oh, sorry. Wait. No, you're not. You're dead.

Una? Una?

No, Father, it's me, your son.

Tertius.

Where is your sister, Una?

Sorry, Father. Nobody has seen Una for years now.

-Septimus? -What?

Tradition dictates the throne must pass to a male heir.