Mike Epps: Under Rated & Never Faded

HOO! HOO! HOO!

-HOO! HOO! HOO! -HOO!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE INTENSIFY]

HOO! HOO!

HOO! HOO!

HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO!

IF YOU'RE BORN AND RAISED IN THE "D," MAKE SOME NOISE!

AND GIVE IT UP, FROM HOLLYWOOD TO THE HOOD, FOR MY BROTHER --

MIKE EPPS!

LET'S GO!

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

CABBAGE! CABBAGE PATCH!

PAPA "C"! PAPA "C"! PAPA "C"!

REEBOK!

I'M FUCKING IT UP. I'M FUCKING IT UP.

-STINKY LEGS! -STINKY LEGS!

STINKY LEGS! STINKY LEGS!

STINKY LEGS! STINKY LEGS!

STINKY LEGS!

DOUG E. FRESH, Y'ALL! DOUG E. FRESH!

BIG "D"!

DOUG E. FRESH!

DETROIT, WHAT'S UP?!

SIT ON DOWN! SIT ON DOWN!

THAT NIGGA DOUG E. FRESH SPIT ALL OVER MY FUCKING FOREHEAD.

GODDAMN, DOUG E.

ONE MORE TIME FOR DOUG E. FRESH, Y'ALL -- LEGENDARY.

THAT'S LEGENDARY RIGHT THERE.

MAN, Y'ALL LOOK GOOD IN THE GOVERNMENT CHECK OUT

HERE TONIGHT.

WE IN THE "D." GOD DAMN IT IN THE "D"!

YOU WILL GET SLAPPED OUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

YOU NIGGAS SLAP MIDGETS, BITCHES.

NIGGA, WE ARE IN THE "D"!

I SMELL GUNPOWDER, MONEY, AND COLOGNE.

AIN'T NOTHING BUT KILLERS AND DEALERS OUT HERE!

I HAD TO COME TO DETROIT AND DO THIS.

THIS IS WHERE THE HITSVILLE GO DOWN,

AIN'T IT, IN HITSVILLE, BABY.

THAT'S RIGHT -- HITSVILLE.

STRAIGHT GANGSTER SHIT AROUND HERE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I WENT OVER ON 7 MILE.

THAT MOTHERFUCKER NEED LOTION LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.

WEST SIDE! WEST SIDE!

EAST SIDE! EAST SIDE!

YEAH, THE POLICE! THE POLICE!

YOU KNOW THEY IN HERE.

"I'M IN HERE. I'M RIGHT HERE. I'M RIGHT HERE!"

POLICE ALWAYS HIT YOU WITH THAT, "AAH!"

GODDAMN, IT'S GOING DOWN.

Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS GET Y'ALL HAIR DONE EVERY DAY.

OH, YOU BITCHES' TOES BE FUCKED-UP, BUT HAIR BE WHIPPED!

YOU BE LIKE, "MAN, SHE'S CUTE."

WHERE'S THE TOE BUDGET AT?

GODDAMN, IT'S GOING DOWN UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT HERE.

LOOK AT ALL THE MARRIED MEN CAN'T DO NOTHING TONIGHT.

MARRIED MEN JUST WHISPERING TO HISSELF,

"GODDAMN, WHY DID I BRING HER ASS OUT TONIGHT?

THERE'S SOME MOTHERFUCKING STARS IN HERE TONIGHT."

YOU KNOW NIGGA'S LOOKING OUT THE CORNER OF THEIR EYE

EVERY FIVE MINUTES, LOOKING LIKE THIS EVERY FIVE MINUTES.

THIS IS THAT ONE RIGHT HERE.

"...LOOKING AT THE BITCH FOR?"

"NIGGA, AIN'T NOBODY LOOKING AT NO BITCH."

A MAN USE ANY EXCUSE TO LOOK AT A GIRL.

"SHE LOOK LIKE YOUR FRIEND DENISE."

"SHE DON'T LOOK LIKE MY MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND.

LOOK AT THE BITCH AGAIN."

"YOU GOT A PURSE LIKE THAT."

"LOOK AT THE BITCH AGAIN.

I AIN'T GOT NO MOTHERFUCKING PURSE LIKE THAT."

MARRIED MEN ACT TOTALLY DIFFERENT

WHEN THEY BY THEIRSELF, DON'T THEY?

YOU SEE THEM WITH THEIR WIFE. "WHAT'S UP, TONY?"

"HEY, MAN, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING, BROTHER?

OH, JUST TAKING IT EASY, HANGING OUT WITH THE OLD LADY.

ALL RIGHT, GOD BLESS YOU. TAKE IT EASY NOW.

ALL RIGHT."

BE LIKE, "THAT NIGGA AIN'T LIKE THAT!"

YOU SEE HIM BY HIMSELF. "WHAT'S UP, TONY?"

"HEY, WHERE'S THE BITCHES AT, NIGGA?!

WHERE'S THE BITCH ASS?"

"THERE YOUR GIRL." "WHERE? WHERE SHE AT?

WHERE SHE AT? SHE JUST PULLED UP?

SHE'S OUTSIDE?"

EVERY MAN IN HERE IS SCARED OF THEIR FUCKING GIRL.

THESE MOTHERFUCKING WOMEN ARE DETECTIVES.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE SLIPPED, AND THEY GOT YOUR ASS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY'LL TELL YOU THEY'RE GOING TO BED

AND GET UP AND COME LOOKING FOR YOU.

"I'M GOING TO BED." "OKAY, I LOVE YOU.

BYE. ALL RIGHT."

NIGGA THINK, "I'M GOING UP, LOOKING FOR THIS NIGGA'S ASS.

I KNOW WHERE HE AT.

HE OVER AT CHUCKIE AND THEM'S OVER ON FEDAY STREET.

I'M GOING TO FUCK THIS NIGGA UP."

YOUR FRIENDS BE LOOKING OUT FOR YOU.

"I THINK YOUR GIRL'S OUT PROWLING.

I JUST SEEN HER CAR."

AND DON'T FALL ASLEEP, FELLAS, BEFORE YOUR GIRL

'CAUSE THEY WILL RANSACK YOUR SHIT.

YOU EVER FALL ASLEEP AND WAKE UP

AND REALIZE YOU AIN'T GOT THAT PHONE IN YOUR POCKET?

BE LIKE, "OH, SHIT. MY PHONE.

BABY!

WHAT ROOM YOU IN?!

THIS BITCH GOT MY PHONE.

BABY, WHAT ROOM YOU IN? YOU SEEN YOUR MAMA?

WHERE YOUR MAMA AT? WHERE YOUR MAMA?

BABY!"

THEY GET THAT MOTHERFUCKING PHONE, IT IS A WRAP.

THAT'S A REAL NIGHTMARE RIGHT THERE, DETROIT.

YOU IN A COLD SLEEP, AND THAT'S ALL YOU HEAR --

"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S HAPPENING.

YOU BE LIKE, "IS THIS A DREAM?"

YOU BE LOOKING WITH YOUR EYES SQUINTING AND SHIT.

"WHO IS THIS, NIGGA?

AIN'T NO SUN IN HERE."

NIGGA LOOKING LIKE THE SUN'S IN HIS EYES.

"AIN'T NO SUN IN HERE.

WHO IS THIS?!" "I DON'T KNOW."

"CALL THE BITCH."

YOU WALK AROUND THE HOUSE BUTT NAKED WITH SOME UNDERWEAR ON,

CALLING BITCHES.

"YEAH, THIS IS MIKE.

UH, DON'T NEVER CALL ME AGAIN, BITCH, YEAH.

FUCK YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?"

HE COULD BE LOOKING AT HIS GIRL, TALKING,

"YEAH, BITCH, DON'T EVER CALL ME BACK AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?"

"CALL THE OTHER BITCH.

I'M NOT PLAYING WITH YOU."

"YEAH, THIS IS MIKE.

UH, DON'T NEVER CALL ME BACK AGAIN.

YOU FUCKING MY FAMILY UP, BITCH.

BYE."

"DON'T BE SAYING 'BYE' AT THE END, NIGGA!

YOU'RE TRYING TO LEAVE SOME HOPE, AIN'T YOU?

I'M CHANGING THE NUMBER IN THE MORNING."

YOU KNOW, FUCKING WOMEN PUT THE PRESSURE ON THE NIGGA.

THEY WANT TO FEEL YOUR BALLS WHEN YOU COME IN THE HOUSE.

"LET ME FEEL YOUR NUTS.

YOUR NUTS FEEL EMPTY, MAN.

HOW MUCH DID THEY WEIGH 'FORE I LEFT, MAN?

"I DIDN'T SAY NOTHING WHEN YOU HAD THAT BOTTLE OF VINEGAR

NEXT TO THE TUB."

LOOK HOW ALL THE OLD BITCHES KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

"YEAH, I'M GONNA TIGHTEN THIS PUSSY UP

ON THIS NIGGA TONIGHT.

TWO CAPFULS OF THIS VINEGAR."

"GIRL, I'M LOOKING IN MY CABINET.

I DONE RAN OUT OF THAT SNAP-BACK.

COME OVER. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER THERE."

ALL THE YOUNG BITCHES STILL DON'T KNOW

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

"WHAT'S THE VINEGAR SHIT HE TALKING ABOUT?"

THEY GOING TO THE STORE RIGHT AFTER THIS.

"WHAT AISLE'S THE VINEGAR ON, MA'AM?"

LOOK AT THEM.

THEY LIKE THAT, DON'T THEY, FELLAS?

BUT THEY DON'T LIKE WHEN WE MAKE THE PUSSY FART, DO THEY?

"YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY, YOU MAKING MY PUSSY FART."

NIGGA MAKE A SONG LIKE DOUG E. FRESH.

"GET UP. YOU MAKING MY PUSSY FART."

THEY THINK THEY DONE DID THEIR THING.

AIR DONE GOT IN THERE. THEY LIFTED THEIR LEGS UP.

AS SOON AS THEY LET THEM LEGS DOWN.

"I'M SO SORRY."

DON'T BE SORRY.

WHICH HOLE DID THAT AIR COME OUT OF?

'CAUSE I SMELLED STEAMED BROCCOLI, GODDAMN IT,

NOW GET UP.

I SEEN CREAM OF WHEAT DUST COME OUT OF THERE.

AND, FELLAS, YOU GOT TO FUCK THESE GIRLS GOOD,

'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T, THEY AIN'T GONNA GIVE YOU NO PLAY.

YOU BE LIKE,

"I WONDER WHY SHE DON'T SAY NOTHING TO ME NO MORE, MAN."

YOU SEE HER IN THE CLUB. "WHAT'S UP?!"

SHE BE LIKE, "HEY...

SORRY-ASS MOTHERFUCKER.

TWO-SECOND-ASS, BITCH-ASS NIGGA, WASTING MY TIME."

YOU GOT TO TEAR THE PUSSY DOWN.

IF YOU DON'T FUCK THEM GOOD,

YOU KNOW THEY GONNA PULL OUT THAT LITTLE...